finders

I was checking out sample matrimonial ads.  I don't know why, don't ask irrelevant questions.

Here's one

Prof Qualified match for Saruparin Brahmin 31/160 Phd Chem Lecturer Eng College-Lko, B'ful girl. Status family. Early Decent marriage.Send BHP.Email xxxxxx@rediffmail.com or write Box no LUC 000000c Times of India, Lucknow-2

 

B'ful girl.

Status family.

Early Decent marriage.

 

What is BHP.

 

 

 

Prof. Qualified Nicelkng Girl, age/ht/wt of no conseq. Early decent marriage. Needs fun frnds in city. Not spcl. frnds. No frandshps. Likeminded indiv to hng out with and drnk old mnk. Send BHP. mail xxxxxx@gmail.com or write Box no LUC 000000c Times of India, Bangalore-1

 

 

ok dont send BHP.

can I level with you?

I sign off more than 30 emails a day with Best Regards.
I don't mean it for most.

--

I have the GK of a pencil box.

--

I have conversations with people and then blog my great lines.

some compliments

you are as cute as a pair of 50rs baby socks.

your hair is so soft and shiny, I want to make a quilt out of it. I would never get out of bed.

I had an amazing dosa yesterday, filled with mysore masala goodness. Made me feel warm inside. I thought of you.

your forehead smells like an omlette sometimes. Its comforting

don't bother reading yo

I am a big red stress balloon
ready to pop

----------

Did I mention how I'd like to design kitchens.  I may have.  It's not just kitchens actually, that's my idea of starting low.  I'd like to design entire houses.  Apply thought, draw out various diagrams and ideas for furniture and placement and lighting and special misc. add ons. 

Well, I have about three coloured notebooks full of ideas.  I could make more, so much more.  Even if you don't pay me.

---------

I dreamt that I was a Disney background character.  Didn't have much of a life.  Had to stand around looking happy or unhappy for the princess.  Not much of a story really.  I got shoved to one side as some sort of villain made his way to her.

He was all in black with a pointy beard.  I assumed.  Oh come on, he just looked like a.  Fine, whatever.  Why did he shove me if he's such a nice guy.

---------

Things are simply not getting done.  It is bothering me very much sir.  Day and night I am like, what is this thing not getting done only.

------

Ok, I'm off to go work on a future shoe rack.





 

I do not have an Iphone (1,2..5)

Man, I met someone the other day who went on about how the Iphone 5 is some bull shit and they would never be caught dead using one and how its against their core morality or some such.

I wish I had a lot of money, like throw away money type lots of money, like buy a house next door to work to use the loo sort of money (nothing wrong with my office loo), like (ok sometimes it isnt the best loo, but I blame the users and not the loo itself or the maintenance staff) buy a roller coaster sort of money, like travel to paris to shop sort of money.

Then I'd buy an Iphone 5 and leave it at this person's door step. Then I'd videotape this person finding it and kissing it.

Maybe I'd pay someone to take the video while I go for a fish spa.

Who am I kidding. I could never put my feet in a pool of hungry fish.
 

GWTF

you know what always sounded super appealing to me?

pink elephants

pink elephants? what?

ey, that was a rhetorical question. Although, pink elephants..hm

The GWTF Rule.

Oh yeah.

Gorrillaz Were Too Funky?
Ghosts Wish They Farted?
Girls just Want To..

Stop.

It stands for Go With The Flow - keep up.

I wish I could just GWTF through life. If you know me, you'd know how lazy I am. You'd then assume it should be super easy for me to GWTF. Wait, but if you knew me you'd also know what a control freak I am.

So.

Anyway, whether you know me or not - I find it incredibly difficult to just GWTF. However, after much effort and what not, I often end up being forced to GWTF and stuff works out fine.

Super even.

I want to be all chilled out and saying "yeah sure why not bro" to everything and everyone. I mean, with some exercise of judgment.

Shady Man: Do you want to get into this van with me?
Me: yeah sure why not bro

never heard from again.

Do you want to get into a van with me?

Hello, who is this?
 

Fisheye Experiment

Some photos from my Fisheye Analog Camera

I've been so distracted.

I close my eyes, I'm on an empty beach and Comptine d'un autre ete from Amelie is playing.

 

this is an offer, you cannot refuse

how about you pay me

to be a fun creative happy person who has super ideas and produces lovely things of no monetary value.

I don't need an answer today

Noon Wines

So

my bank balance has taken a dip.  No, wait, it's gone deep sea diving.  This has resulted in me having to satiate my drinking needs at cheapu joints.

Now

this is where Noon Wines comes in.  Its a tiny pub, no wait, drinking spot - called The Noon Wines and also The Scottish Pub (?).  It's hidden behind a baskin robbins stall.  Walked right past it once (also because I was focussing on the Frankie stall beyond, man I love them frankies) and then got guided back there by some excited fellow (Oh yes ofcourse I know it, you are not from around here? Let me show you.) eh.

Any how

went there last night and had some of their Noon Wines.  They have a house wine (?) which they serve in tiny glasses (for small portions) and small glasses (for large portions).  I can't quite put my finger on what this concoction tastes like. 

Possibly

sweet grape juice hiding something fairly dangerous. (ooh). No really, it is not wine.  It gives you the wursht hangovers, all the while tasting like (innocent) grape juice.  Someone told me today that it has arrack (what) - someone yesterday said its a mix of miscellaneous liquor masked by grape.

Would I go there again?

Of course man.

are we there yet

isn't it time already, for the next big thing?
save me before I cave to the waitingroomsyndrome.

do not lie to me,
everyone out there lives in constant excitement adventure joy

no?

ok, that makes sense.

there is only sense
in all words, someone, somewhere, will find meaning

Layout change time

once again, it is time for a new look (and also a new blog - check my profile).

The bear in the blog title image is my bear, he's 17 years old and has never left my side.

Judge me all you want

I wish you could still find

poetry in me

let there be light. and pink flowers.

this photo makes me happy.

My future house shall have a bougainvillea overdose.
 

Wedding misc.

Sometimes I think we go overboard with the hoo ha at these weddings.  Recently, I attended a wedding which lasted about 10 minutes (also, they'd already gotten married at a temple in the morning and were putting on a show for us later in the day (wha?)). 

So, there were a number of things lined up at the stage.  Pretty, but what are these for?

To fan all the mini-people who attend.

Ok, fair enough, and the lime bonanza?

For an after wedding juice party.

In my wedding, we had our names spelt out in Gems. Cadbury's.  I made them add a heart.
 

You have a problem.
A real serious problem?
With possibly no solution.
No solution, what?

Do not worry.
I will have something to say.
You will want to hear it.
It is not the answer,
but it will help.

Let's have a call.
Does 3.30pm (India time) work for you?
I will circulate dial-in details.
 

-

Hello, there you are mister Bimbi.
Forgot something, or remember nothing at all?
Where do they cash in your cards, wallet your wounds
How do they explain the need to repair you

Three times I called on your phone
Two times you called on mine
If you had a dog you would understand
how you were out of line

Care for some tea, Bimble?
Try not to cry into it
Now let's get to your problem sir
You want to marry a Karthick, not a Pulkit?

goa, humbug.

Returning from a really wonderful holiday with an unshakeable sense of - what is it, restlessness? listlessness (are these words?). Maybe that is what a good holiday is meant to do - shake you up - make you feel different.

I do not feel different in a good way. So, screw you good holiday.

 

fuel

I operate best on love. I respond best to love. If I love someone, all my interactions with that person are magnified. If I write a letter to someone I love, I write carefully and extensively. The only time I paint anything, is when I paint something for someone I love. All my creative endeavours have ultimately been for love. The only time I am excited about doing anything special or making any specific effort is when there is a person I love involved.

As for the rest, I am terrible. I keep no commitments, do not follow up on any promises. I am, at best, an average version of myself.

It seems to me, if I allow myself .. no, if I push myself to love more people - my own life would be a lot more wonderful.

Does not seem like a terrible idea.

If I had a tea shop

I would name one of my teas - "Donchu worry Donchu worry Chai"

Hows that, Swedish House Mafia?

If you know where this is going,
how about you don't tell me
I opt out of knowing
what comes next

Have you seen that movie
the terrible one with Nick
Nicolas Cage
Where he sees a few minutes into the future

how delightfully daft.


Now, separately

Having friends, and knowing you have friends
are not the same thing

how about you shut up,
and let me talk.

If I reach out to you
know that there is a reason
I am not pure, or good or perfect
there is always some reason

but do not assume anything

do you trust me
why, yes Aladdin, I do.

Now, separately

Have you experienced love
Do you know it when it hits you.
Oh come on, if it Hit you,
it has to be love.

or drugs and alcohol.
those hit you as well.

But love,
boarding a train to Disneyland.

thank you for taking me again
now that I'm tall enough
to be allowed on Space Mountain
you must love me

and I wonder, if you could be my friend.

 

don't get me wrong.  I've been staring at this (web)page for a long long time. I intended to write. I really did.

Focus

How about spending all day only listening to music. Green Day, its been a long time since I listened to a lot of Green Day. How about spending a week on painting a something. Cooking a feast, a whole feast to feed who. I could make cupcakes, I have that book of cupcakes.

Focus on work.

Certainty

There is one certainty.

Lets rephrase. There may be many certainties, you may be certain your dog has pooped on your sofa, you may be certain that it is going to rain, you may be certain that your neighbour is a serial killer.. amongst these, there is one certainty - everyones got issues.

The problem is (not the one problem, one of the many problems), that nowadays everyones always looking like theyre doing something wildly exciting with their lives. Not everyone at the same time - but a large number of people you knew and believed to be as normal and day-to-day as you - you see them on instagram, on facebook on top of a bunch of other places and they're telling you, they're sometimes telling the whole world - Hai, I have most exciting life.

There was a time where you just grew up, studied well, got a good job, got married, had babies, focussed on them and your work, life went by. I mean, the certainty still applies - everyone had issues - but one of them wasnt knowing or feeling that there is at least 20 other things you could be doing with your life that would make you happy.

You think it would make you happy - and it might, make you happy.

I'm just saying - you can get carried away by it, throw away all that you have (which is far easier if you dont have much to start off with) and go blindly after that alternate life - or you can just tell yourself - there is one certainty.

There is one certainty, and then go back to focussing on the life you've shaped for yourself and minimising the issues you have.

and to answer your question (ok you didnt ask it, I did), would I trade my life with the Kardashians? No way, they have some massive issues.

How

If you type "how to" on google - the first four results are

how to get pregnant
how to kiss
how to make pizza
how to lose weight.

weird ha.

how to pull a rabbit out of a hat
how to put a rabbit back in a hat
how to change the way I think
how to change the way he feels
how to find the right job
how to get a lot of money
how to keep a lot of money
how to spend a lot of money
how to not care about money
how to feel satisfied
how to make your dreams come true
how to make disney make cartoons like it used to
how to make mani ratnam make movies like he used to
how to keep kamal hasan young forever
how to get suriya to leave his wife for you
how to not get angry
how to not ruin a good thing
how to keep busy
how to find time
how to be happy

:)

 

Another post with some photos

This is inside a shop called Ganesh Emporium in Udaipur. It is by far the most fun tiny little shop I have been to. I could have spent a long long time in there. He had everything from old books to old photos to random magnets and stickers and jewellery and small paintings he'd made himself to chinese artifacts to posters to astrology charts to you-name-it-we-got-it.

We picked up some miscellaneous miscellaneous miscellaenous. This was after a nice lunch on a roof top towering above the old city and before a long walk to a jetty. It was just a really nice day.

A post with a photo

At long last, here is a post with a photograph.

This was taken in old city, Udaipur. Old city. You wonder where most of these firang movies get their idea of India from. Well I don't know about you, I definitely used to wonder. Where it is that the streets are so tiny, the houses so colourful and matchboxy, where cows and motorcycles go rampant  and ride about in an almost-kill-anyone-in-their-way, way, where people sit about in countless tiny temples and chit chat. It's here, in old city, Udaipur.

I fell in love with the place. Granted, in an I don't want to live here forever but I will keep visiting you at every possible opportunity way.


 

Deegraday.

deg·ra·da·tion (dgr-dshn)

n.

1. The act or process of degrading.

2. The state of being degraded; degeneration.

3. A decline to a lower condition, quality, or level.

4. Geology A general lowering of the earth's surface by erosion or weathering.

5. Chemistry Decomposition of a compound by stages, exhibiting well-defined intermediate products.

6. Computer Science The state in which a computer operates when some of its memory or peripherals are not available.

 

deg. ra. da. tion (dee grah day shun)

 

I am in a state of degradation.

of body and mind. I would add soul to this list, but difficult to say about that really.

 

Body, sitting for hours in front of my computer or hunched over countless nonsense papers and figures and words and flow charts and presentations and policies and kaka pee. I can feel myself crumbling, become older by years by the days.

 

Mind, well, you've seen this blog, what do you think.

 

My house condition has also degraded, increasing number of things broken, dirty, dusty and stuff growing on all vegetables in fridge (ugh).

 

HOW TO MAKE THIS RIGHT MAN.

Jeez.

 

I need a break. I need to start doing something about all of this. I'll get back to you on this a month from now. If I'm not worse off degraded by then.

 

 

jungle wisdom.

As I sit working on one pointless piece of advice, agreement, report after another

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life

Shut up Baloo, what the hell do you know.
Everything costs money, and money does not grow on trees.

He might have a point though,
maybe its time to dial it down
not all the way down to jungle book standards
but down, before all sanity flies out the window

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you

MOB BABY

It might be sort of cool to have a child who is a mob boss.

You'd be all, Monu don't make me come over there
and Monu, otherwise in the middle of a conversation over a man's life, will stop
come over, and eat rotis off your hand with that MOTHERS LOVE IS BEST look while gun shots
go off in the background.

Its endearing is it not.

Future

Since I can't go out there and do my own thing,
can't bring myself to pursue my true calling (as I believe it to be)
Here's what I'll do

I'll pop one out, have a baby that is.
I'll bring it up
and I'll beat it if it refuses to draw
and be a creative genius.

I'll beat you, you understand.

 

Come out Dr. Hyde,
you know how much I love you.
 

Small talk with someone up there.

So everyone has problems. No really, its true. It is actually Not just you out there battling the worlds woes .

While that should be a comforting thought, it seldom is. You can tell yourself about people who barely have enough food for one meal a day or barely enough clothes to keep them covered, let alone warm - but ultimately

Your problems are your problems and they mean the world to you.

They seem all consuming, snacking away on your happiness and spraying large or small doses of perspective on them does not always make them go away.

I believe in God. Some people believe in someone else up there. Some dont. Well, I do and as a result of that I am always looking upstairs for answers. For someone to give me some sign that everything is going to be ok.

Once someone told me this story about Krishna (yes the one in the Gita, not your neighbour): apparently one of his devotees got through to him one day (either by tapas or by knocking on his door post his time here) and asked him why he doesnt just appear on earth and show everyone he exists - this might give people hope and help them move on. His answer, apparently (no real way of confirming here) was that he does appear but noone believes it could be him because he isnt wearing all of GRT Thangamaligai (famous Chennai gold shop) on him, with eight hands weilding miscellaneous accessories, including ofcourse a chakra.

There is ofcourse this other story (told to me by my school principal in London on my first day there): this man's house is getting flooded and he's repeatedly going God will save me. A bunch of firemen come his way, he refuses their help - people in boats come his way, he says take a hike - some helicopters come to pick him up, he shows them the finger (well some such thing) - then he dies. He goes up to heaven (or wherever) and asks God, 'why didnt you save me boss?' and God says, well I sent a bunch of firemen, boat guys and helicopters... This fellow ofcourse, felt like a fool at that point.

Anyway. The last few days at work have been fuckall and I am at my wits end - I cant really go on about what else has been bugging me. But, this morning, I finally open these set of notes my friend has scanned over to me on a matter I have NO time to work on. These notes have been taken on these lame diary sheets - and while these usually say things like "Wake up early, sleep early, be a beauty" (not quite but you get it), I get:

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their ingenuity.

Remember that not getting what you want, is sometimes the blessing.

Again, difficult to say how this applies to my life right now - but lets say

Problem: What should I have for breakfast?
Answer: You should have fried eggs with whole wheat toast with some ketchup and tobasco sauce on the side.

Thats about how clear that message was.

Thanks for the talk. Let me give this another go then.

Rolling in the Deep

I assume by now pretty much everyone has heard this song. But, have you seen the video?

Please watch it.

It is definitely one of the best music videos I've seen. I can't decide what part of it I like the best - but if  had to choose it would be the porcelain smashing against the wall, joining all those broken pieces lying in heap below - and how about those rows of glasses with water, the dust dancer, the idea to just have her seated in the middle of a room singing her heart out.

I need to find out who made this.

I HAVE BOUGHT A NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA

So, as soon as I get my laptop working or throw it out the window for a new one (which I cannot possibly afford thanks to my NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA) - you will be seeing posts with photographs (ha - it is the future).

Believe it or not.

To begin with, it may mostly be photographs of things in my house / my husband. But, wait, don't lose interest yet - just hold on and decide after the first few posts.

Some questions

Hey man Gotye, you made any other good songs or what?
are you a one-song wonder?
even that song, was it Kimbra who made it super?
Do you ask yourself this stuff Gotye?

Why did so many people watch and enjoy JAG?
Why did a lot of people not like Happy Days?
How many of you think Happy Days is a reference to the Telegu Film?
How many of you are fools?

What does "You make me this, bring me up, bring me down, plays it sweet, makes me move like a freak" really mean Alexandra Stan?
What does "Mr. Saxobeat" mean Alexandra Stan?
What does it matter given that I love that song anyway?

Britney Moment

I may not be all that young
but I am too young to feel this old

This is not a Britney Spears song,
ref: Im not a girl, not yet a woman.

But, while she had a point maybe,

My problem seems to be more,
I'm not a girl, I am a woman, but I simply haven't learnt JACK.
result of which, too much worries me now.

maybe I should ask myself to shut it and say

Who Kheyres

I have found you

You know, how you remember certain people by certain smells
Some wonderful scent takes you right back to that person
Some wonderful scent makes you feel - this is one beautiful beautiful being

and makes you yearn, to smell so wonderfully right.

I have found my favouritest perfume
The one I hope to be remembered by

It's a good feeling.

Nuts

Can I just say, its very hard
to tolerate your nonsense
day in, day out.

Can I just say, just because
you live in my head,
doesn't mean I can't get you out

You may be my mind,
but, mind it.
I would rather let my mind go,
than let my soul rot.

Cooking is a dangerous sport

What do you mean why.

Yesterday, my pressure cooker exploded. I exaggerate not. It exploded. It went to pieces. The top flew one way, the bottom, the handle, the weight. Everything Flew. There was also the sound of an explosion. KA BOOM. To top it all, my induction cooker - due to the said explosion - blew to smithereens. Literally. Its in fifty odd pieces right now.

I had, thankfully, just moved away to cut some vegetables.

I mean. Cooking is not for the faint hearted. Really, just not.

I went into a mini shock. Ran out of the kitchen. Ran back in to turn off the induction stove to prevent some crazy electrical fire thing. Ran back out. Sat there shaking for some time (I am a bit of a wuss).

Man.

Then my husband (ha) came home, looked more worried than me that I felt better, and took me out for a yummy thai dinner.

So, my rice cooker went bust a couple of days back. Now my stove and pressure cooker are gone. But being BRAVE as I am - today I tackle the oven.

PS: DO NOT BUY PIGEON PRESSURE COOKER.

Search Engine

What am I constantly looking for.
Maybe it isn't so much about what I'm looking for, than that I just need to constantly be looking. To constantly search for one damned thing after another.

If you are always lost,
you are always looking.
(ancient chinese proverb)

or was it

If you keep looking,
you will remain lost
(ancient chinese proverb)

Nomadic me. Wait, no, being nomadic means something a little different. Could I say my brain is nomadic? Would that make sense? Difficult to have a conversation with silent readers.


HELLO
HEllo
Hello
hello

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT

oko k ok, I digress.

Everday I disappoint myself, an inch more - than the previous day. I really feel like I need one thing to pull me together and make me half the person I used to be.

I am growing transparent. Do you understand? I can see right through myself. Anyone can see right through me. Yes, that's what growing transparent means.  Shut. Up. The real and solid part of me is being worn thin, wearing out, getting worn out. Translucent, then transparent.

Does growing older automatically result in feeling increasingly lost? Tell me. A huge amount of fun all this is.

That apart, all is good. See you guys in the next post

HELLO
HEL

ok ok. ok.

NEW LOOKZ

Don't worry. I'll probably change it soon.

If you don't like my feet, type in my link - close your eyes - scroll down thrice - open your eyes and avoid them altogether.

Auto Tale

I've already mentioned Bangalore auto drivers in a previous post. Anyone who knows anything knows how atrocious they are.

Now begins the auto tale, from this morning

I caught an auto, outside my house. Rather this guy stopped for me, and asked

"where to?" (in Hindi)
and I replied Lavelley.

However, there was someone else inside. I jumped right in and sat next to this strange girl, who immediately yelled

"SHARED Hai?"
to which he said No.

This girl then kept quiet and turned back to her phone, and at her stop paid him Rs. 10 instead of 20. Understandably, he was upset and she yelled "SHARED Tha" and ran for it while he called her a prostitute (in Hindi) and went on to describe various sexual acts she must be performing (as a prostitute).

That girl called him mad and ran. He tried briefly to run her over. It was all quite amusing.

What a chick.

Anyhow, I felt bad for the guy (slap on forehead). SO when we reached my stop, I told him to take Rs. 10 extra for that girl.

And the fucker cheats me.

[It takes Rs. 40 to my stop, he takes Rs. 60 from me - i ask him, what the hell - he says oh new meter its Rs. 50 for you plus 10 - then I point out that its Rs. 44 by new meter - then he gives me Rs. 5 change and fucks off. Ok you figure our the math - BUT HE CHEATS ME!]

The point is - well nothing - i cant use this one instance to say all auto drivers are .. fuck it .. ALLAUTODRIVERSARECHEATS.

bye.

Plunge

Jump; from such height
which takes your heart to your stomach
then to your brain
then back in its place, wiser.

The feeling of a good jump
a safe plunge
a roller coaster
can bring me back.

make me feel alive.

The same cannot be said for cable cars.

Sigh

Alright, so maybe this has become that blog. Shut it, I don't care.

I love Ryan Gosling.

Why?

Because he is hot and has the most wonderfulmeltsmyheartintoasmallteacupmadeofsunshine smile.

If you haven't watched any of his movies after THE NOTEBOOK (Why Ryan, why?) - then shut it (again). Go watch Crazy Stupid Love, Drive and Ides of March - then we'll talk (ONLY if you're chanting his name in a ILOVEHIMHELPME way - otherwise we wont talk)

Know that it was very difficult writing this post - given that I kept scrolling up to stare at his face.

I will watch every movie you ever make (from now on) Ryan. I will.

Nasty Nasty Nasty

How nasty the world looks
when you're sick and stuck at work.
How slowly time rolls by
making it all, all the more rotten

This will be a pointless little frustrated post
Everyone is too busy to hear me ramble
You have no choice, being my blog
None.

I would like to buy a Tagine
it's more expensive than my new oven - at Le Cereuset
Will someone else buy me that Tagine
Only if you're very rich and if you like me.

Or if you're very very rich, you needn't like me.
Just get me the Tagine.

Can't say I'll make much with it.
Moroccan broth, maybe. Unlikely.

I will not do anything for you in return.
Definitely will not wash your car or feed your pet.
Ok,
Then don't buy it for me.

Alright enough - bye.

Not my words, but I love this song. Listen to it when you can - Gotye and Kimbra.  

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

?

I dont know.

I know what you are doing, you are reading this post.

(kill me for that line)

Good Day

My biggest fear is probably that I might be mental. or heading there. or somehow it will sneak up on me and I will be branded completely crazy. or that I will develop a split personality which will go about tearing up my pillows and killing my cat (I dont have a cat).

My second and somewhat connected fear is that I am inherently evil. That I will turn out like the people I despise - because I am inherently evil and a hypocrite. I feel convinced I dont have a single good bone in my body. Not in a cruella deville way - I wont peel up puppies etc. More, of how little I care about anyone but myself - like a, like a tamil serial mother in law.

My third and unconnected fear is of death, dying. In painful or unpainful ways. Feh, everyone's got that going. right?

However, on good days I feel untouched by any of the above. I feel straight, sensible, good and unafraid.

Today is a good day - let me make the most of it.

Where have I been

In Bangalore, for the most part.

I have moved from Bombay to Bangalore in an attempt to make sense of my life in a manner that isnt extreme or unthoughtout. I know that is not a word, but this is my blog.

As much as I would like to say THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION EVER, it was not the best. But it was a good decision all the same.

I have a nice house (come see it, if you know me)
I have some nice friends (some borrowed, some cultivated)
I have some more time in my hands (enough to make me feel like I dont live to earn money endlessly)

This city has trees, its so green (more so because my sunglasses have a green tint)
It has gardens, and very bright sunshine

The auto drivers are crazy
They have this pent up angerenergy
Takes just the tiniest thing to piss them off
To make them scream, like you've driven a knife through their skull
(is that possible, I feel squeamish imagining it)
Makes you wonder though - how frustrated must they be, with their lives and their autos.
All that time spent in traffic, earning nothing more by the minute.
I daydream of ways in which the autos and rest of humanity can find a way for peaceful co-existence
Make me king, I'll tell you

I have guava juice every morning in office. I would rather be having pineapple juice, but guava is better than litchee and even lytchee litchee?, even that is better than no juice.

Something is missing though.

Maybe a trip to Wonderla will sort that out.

Come here

In our search for soul mates, search for the perfects
I am searching for that one girl
You are searching for the right song
We search for that right street, with the crisp cold zing air
The right country, the perfect home
That elusive job, which doesn't tire us, or destroy our dreams

Maybe we don't search, we just yearn
Helpless or lazy, sitting here yearning
Almost tasting our happiness
Moved to tears by the perfects we see
Just out of our reach

Today

I'm in a good mood
make the most of it
ask me for a free meal
ask me for a movie ticket

don't tell me I don't look good
don't tell me I don't sound right
don't go spoiling my good mood
I'll get damn pissed, and we'd fight

the fight would not end well,
you can count on it.
I'll make you pay for the meal
and the movie ticket.

HOOBASTANK

Life Update

I have been sick for one and half weeks. Make that almost two weeks. I finally feel better today.
My one and half, no, two week sickness - my two week sickness made me super grumpy and on the whole upset about life. Nothing new there. But, it has also made me QUEEN OF ASSASSIN'S CREED.

cough*

We bought an Xbox. with Kinect.

----

I just discovered that Shift+x doesn't work in my laptop. What..why. I don't imagine it's an often used combination on my keyboard. TIME FOR A NEW.. ok no. I'll get it fixed. Ok, someone will get it fixed.

cough*

----

On other breaking news, DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) entered my house on a covert mission - through an unimaginably small opening in the window - and shat all over the place. But, Thank You DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) for not shitting on my TV, or my xbox, or my futon or anything fancy. Thank you.

But, if you ever come back, I'll Kill Ya...Kill ya... kill ya (if you have not watched The Lion King, shoot yourself)

----

I ate some suspicious tasting peanut chikki thing. Apparently one bad peanut can spoil the whole lot. How unfortunate. I also ate some jackfruit chips - I'm not a big fan though. But one bad jackfruit cannot spoil the whole lot. Well, except the lot made from that jackfruit. I like jackfruit ice cream though.

Why has my cook not come today. Why.

----

I was watching the National Geographic channel (only because it is one of the seven HD channels we get - which includes STAR GOLD) and they were showing a piece on IKEA. That's when I realised. I want to work in IKEA. I'm not saying it's my dream job, but lets just say - that would have been a great idea. I could have designed furniture. Furniture bought the world over (barring some). I could've sat there and discussed furniture ideas with other furniture designers in a good climate location in Europe or some place. The work place would have been fancy and comforting and I don't suppose there are ever any FURNITURE DESIGNING EMERGENCIES which require me to work overnight.

I'm just saying, it looked like a happy place.

----

I have never used a sleeping bag in my life. I wouldn't know if they are comfortable or not. I have slept on mattresses laid out on the floor. Is it the same thing?

----

I'm turning 25 soon.

Holiday Jollyday

Today is a holiday
oh I could just sing

but the neighbours may not like that
then again, I put up with their shit

Today is a holiday
oh I could just dance, and shout and be me r r y
what a feeling
a holiday
in the middle of the week

The whole day lies in front of me
I can just eat shop and watch TV

and now I have tata sky HD
which makes me all the more happy

to be here
at home
alone
on a wonderful HOLIDAY

ok I miss you come back

Dignified what.

I wish I had the ability to maintain a dignified silence.
I don't have that ability and I can't fake it.
I would come across so much cooler (or so it seems) in any adverse situation, if I knew how to just stop talking post a point.

Example:

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Cool Me: ----
Irritating Person: EY MAN, I SAID YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE
Cool Me: Blink, -----
Irritating Person: HEY WHAT. useless.
Cool Me: Smirk.

But No.

I'm a screamer. I get angry, worked up and before I can get to framing a complete sentence in my head composing what my feelings are any given moment, its gone out of my mouth.

So it goes

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Me: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE AND SO IS YOUR DOG
Irritating Person: (looks wounded) Timmy is not bad ok.
Me: WHATEVER I DON'T CARE. NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

stomp
stomp
stomp

Sometimes, it is Not a bad thing. In fact, I wouldn't say that my behaviour in this respect has ever gotten me into any significant trouble.

But it just seems so much more stress-free to just be calm and maintain a dignified silence.

Never.

The strangest thing

This morning, I woke up at 8 AM,and then again at 8.05, at 8.10 and 8.15..well you get it, it was a marathon snooze with a 5 minute alarm break.I finally got out of bed at 9 AM.

Well, in terms of some background to the rest of this story, my firm has come up with this new rule where everyone needs to be in by 11AM sharp - so sharp it cuts you (cough), what I mean is, you come in at 11.01 and half day gets taken as leave. Ouch. I know it's pretty reasonable to expect associates you pay a lot of money to, to be in by 11. It's just that, none of us are used to it after years of crawling in by 11.30. Did I mention it's a new rule.

Second point to note in terms of background info - I got married this year. So, I'm already 15days up and over my leave entitlement AND I need to apply for leave for Diwali (cough). Yes, it may seem as a bit much - but that apart, you now understand how important it is for me to preserve these little half day cuts. A seemingly simple way to do that - come on time.

Third point to note - you know, background - I have been in one mega bad mood funk. I don't know what the deal is, not for the life of me. All is good in life and yet the smallest things make me want to Scream my head off. Just scream. I haven't done it yet - how. Where does a respectable person go to just scream her lungs out without attracting unnecessary attention.

So, I wake up at 9AM. If I leave home by 9.30AM, no problem. Can be at work by 10.30. well in time. But no. I decide that knowing what happened in the last elimination round on Masterchef Australia is far more important. I reason that even if I leave by 10, I should reach easily by 10.45.

So I watch master chef, see that Shannon is safe in the competition, eat my omelette and leave by 10. I get a cab with this elderly Muslim gentleman and ask him to whisk me away to Nariman point. But, sir, please could you take the Kalachowki route and then chaar rastha. KABOOM.

Mistake no.1. The route is completely jammed.

Mistake no.2. I don't have money to pay the cab driver, which means stopping at the ATM near office, which means 15 minutes more than otherwise.

So, by now my screaming problem has kicked in. I am red in the face from an effort to keep calm. And my poor old driver is having a lot of trouble hearing me. Which isn't helping my situation but God forbid I scream at him, I'd never forgive myself.

I take a few deep breaths, and wait. It's now 10.45 and it will take me 5 minutes at least to reach office. I have Rs. 110. Not enough to cover the cab. I then check my change, another 12 rupees. Still probably not enough to cover the cab. No escaping the ATM visit.

We reach my office building, there is a massive traffic jam between there and the ATM place. I decide to ask my cabbie how much the meter says. He says, just give me what you feel like.

I thought he didn't understand my question. So I ask him again. He says, well you travel here everyday, just give me whatever you usually pay to get here.

I told him his meter reading may be for more, so to just let me know how much. He refused. So I oaid him the 122 rupees as it usually takes me about 120 bucks to get there. He says thank you, and god bless you and drives away.

I get out, get to office by 10.55.

I don't understand what happened.

He isn't from my area and doesn't know I come here everyday.
He did not know that I didn't have money.
He refused to check the meter for God knows what reason - despite me telling him itbmay be showing more than what I generally pay.
If he hadn't done that, I would definitely have been late.

I don't get it, it was the strangest feeling stepping out of that cab. Like someone was asking me to just relax and take it easy, and things would work themselves out

Alright then

Love

I could just drown
eyes closed and smiling
in the sweetness of it all

Unlike bread

Somethings grow stale but they never grow old
They just linger on, visit again, set off reminders in your head of a different time
They annoy you, shame you, make you shudder thinking of how they may have affected your life
But they just don't go away

Some people, some clothes, some songs and some words
Grow so stale, yet they all have their effect on you - never grow old

...

Hello Mr. Large Nose
How did you become an actor

My dad is a politician
and money was a factor

Hello Mr. Stupid Face
Why did you buy that red car

My girlfriend said she would leave me
for the guy who runs the 'Bull Frog' bar

Hello Mr. Think twice
Where did you go last night

I wanted to dance to hip hop
but then I decided to sleep tight

Hello...
You all have dumb names anyway

Decision

How about a signal? I will signal to you
Red means stay
Green means go
Yellow means I'm a coward
and you are a whore

My heart beats green,
but go with red.
I'll listen to that damned Coldplay song instead

yellow. 

urge

This space has been dead and there has been no urge to write. To be fair, my friend Rorschach has already said this. But he has borrowed my words before, and since mine are on long vacation - I shall borrow his.

In my case though, i'm not sure it is entirely honest. The statement. There has been no urge for me to write what is permissible to be written in this space. The qualifier. That dear qualifier completes my sentence. It brings it meaning. Who is to say what will be your qualifier in your life, what will bring your life that completeness and meaning.

and how she rambles after such a long break. can we stop reading now


no wait. I have some more

Tamil movies. They are so shady post  11p.m. Yet here I am in complete drunken state watching them. In a way, its comforting to not have to see size minus ones and zeroes and whatever the fuck else they've come up with nowadays to describe really thin women. Yes, they look great but they have denied themselves a lot to get there and one can only hope it was worth all the food missed.

If it was pure genetics, man. screw them.

I wish I could've been a model. Then again, I was always allergic to cigarette smoke and I do love food. But whenever I pass the giant Zara ad on my way out of Phoenix Mills, I can't help but imagine myself standing there with a gaunt face and hunched up shoulders, pouting. Pouting that perfect pout - you might find the anorexic figure of me repulsive but some girl will look up at me and say - I want that dress.

Just, I want that dress

I do want that dress.

...

Please don't go, I have some more.

Umbrellas

what about them


I'm not sure about whether I like them.

I'm not sure if I like umbrellas. Am I happy they keep me dry. Do they even really keep me dry.

Seems like off late all they do is cause me massive disappointment and make me realise how completely incapable of handling basic responsibility I am.

I have lost (almost) 2 umbrellas in the past one week. One is lost for good - the other, since my friend dropped me home today, she has had the good sense to take the thing home.

Damn you umbrella. Who are you to make me feel this upset. Stupid piece of plastic crap.


....


Do you think you believe in alternate universes. Alternate lives. That with each huge decision you have in front of you which has a THIS WAY or THAT WAY situation attached - you are actually carving your life from then on out to go forth with one decision while the other goes with the other.

Lets say....You quit work, and you stay at work - the decision actually comes before you to be made - do you think, that stomachy feeling you get while making such decisions is actually a side effect to the creation of an alternate universe.

Do you think you and I live happily together in an alternate universe. 

I gave an example of work, let's stick to that shall we? So basically there is a me out there who makes invitation cards or takes photographs for a living and there is a me here who continues as life is. If this phenomenal alternate universe creating ability truth were to be revealed to you - would you feel happier making the dumbass decision of continuing with life as is - or would you leave that to your alternate self.

Does that matter.

....

I broke an entire bottle of pickle this morning. So the pickle is also wasted because it may have bits of glass in it now. It was a pickle which really made me happy. Lime pickle. The other pickle couldve gotten messed - but no, it was this lime pickle.

Maybe the other bottle broke in an alternate universe. snicker*


Fuck you.

Seriously.

Love song

First thing in the morning
I think of you
Today I also thought of spinach soup
Yesterday it was all about hula hoops
But nothing comes right before
A thought of you

First thing as I wake up
It's always you
Along with unfinished dreams of 
Large blue infinity pools
Even the craziest nightmares
Its only you
Running out first thing in the morning
To my rescue

Thank you for saving me from TRex today
Yesterday you got me tickets to Coldplay
Day before the day before, I forget
But you were there nice and early, to make my day

Sticker Heaven

Get me a job in a sticker factory
I would never complain
And I'd give you some for free

Do you know anyone who doesn't like stickers? No really, do you. Tell me who. They may have some serious problems boss. Have a quiet chat, suggest some THERaPy! Ok, ok, calming down now. 

I love stickers. I love even pointless stickers. Yesterday I got a few tshirts we'd ordered delivered to me at work. It came with four tiny free stickers. I was so fucking kicked! Aaa. I used to have a sticker album when I was in London (read - when I was nine). That was mostly because all the girls in my class used to have one and in the break or whatever free class - they'd sit and pour over each others' collections. So my parents not wanting me to feel left out, got me an album and some stickers as well. 

They were really nice stickers - but i got duped into taking torn ones or unsticky ones in exchange for mine. (There's a really long background story to my whole London experience here - but I won't go into that right now. Basically the girls treated me like shit most of the time because I was puny and spoke funny) Anyway, it didn't take me long to figure out what they were doing but continued with my naive act so they'd at least talk to me and I could pretend I had some friends. 

I think I should go get a sticker album now. I have a decent collection still - i can't help but pick up some of these ultra cute stickers I see. Ok yay something do to (which isn't work). 

Yesterday I sat and created some stickers. It was super wonderful. Well I like them. 

Ok bye

Heal

It is beautiful to cry
To release your inside world of pain
Of real sorrow, real sadness
To release what would have otherwise eaten you alive
To feel that incredible burden reduce with each drop
With each trickle
Feel the sharp intake of breath slow, 
Gain an alarming rhythm only to change
Into one which rocks you to sleep

Looks like, looks like
she's been forgotten
the slate is clean and he couldn't care less

wiped right off the face of his earth

Life goes on

It gets boring, it gets weird, it gets complicated

Wrinkles form

Get ironed out

and then, life goes on 

Glory

It's my day
It's my glorious bloody day
and I want to be
the Shining Wow

Do you understand?
I won't always have my day
Neither will you
Now is the time to be
the Shining Wow

Cause the aahs and the oohs
Cause them all to go
Wow

She is shining.
It's her day

Will Power

I lack will power.





No, it's not always a bad thing. I realised this part of the 'I lack will power' series of thought very recently. It's become, 'I lack will power but that may be ok' now. Earlier? Oh earlier it was 'I lack will power bloody argh f. it all'.

Yes, coming back to my great Realisation. I was thinking through my lack of will power and wondering how well I'm going to make it in life love friendship world domination what not. I realised that a lot of stuff I cannot live without now in my life, I would have destroyed for good if my will power not being its lazy self, had been active and about.

I wouldn't be surprised if this post turns out to be one of those - oh she has something to say but this is such a public forum she wont say it she's just wasting our time bloody argh f.it all. It might guys, it just might. I've given you fair and lovely warning now, run along if you like.

No?

I suppose its a lack of will power combined with my ability to try and make dumbass decisions. Like - oh I am so angry I want to break my phone, break it break it break it - nah.  Not the best example I know.

Pfuh. time to give up on this post.

I guess in a very convoluted way - what I've actually realised is the whole 'everythings for the best - dont worry about it' philosophy works for me. Because I lack will power to change my life - and often that has lead to my life working out just super for me.


YOU LACKED THE WILL POWER TO STOP READING SO DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT MY STUPID POST OK.

love*

Pay me for Building Photos or Buy me an Ipad (this summarises the entire post - don't bother reading)

What am I doing now.

I am browsing 'architecture' - 'photography' in Deviant Art. It's a website. No I won't give you the link. Just go Google it. Ok not NOW.

Have I lost you? Hello?

Ok, anyway, trooping on. I am browsing 'architecture' - 'photography' and there are some really nice photos here of really nice (ok don't go look) houses, bridges, roads, buildings, rooms, beds and lights.

I would like you to pay me to take photos of buildings around the world. Are you listening? (Only bother listening if you are very rich and are willing to pay me very lots of money for something I have only shown about  10/100 talent in - and some of that 10 is helped along by pure 'fluke').

Fluke. I wonder if people use that word or if its just used in Chennai. I don't remember the last time anyone used that word. Hm.

Fluke.

Fluke describes quite a bit of my life actually. I don't mind at all. I'm so lazy, Fluking is the best thing that happens to me.

I suppose, fluking is a good thing to happen to anyone.
Fluking - I'm not sure that's a word. But my auto-correct isn't attempting to correct me. So, it is then.

Back to paying me lots of money for photos of buildings.

Actually, try doing that or just buy me an I-pad.

Scream Room

I'm not entirely sure of how normal this might be. Anyhow. I have come up with one way in which life at work - in my office - could be made better.

Idea:

Create a Scream Room

Things Needed:

1. Room.
2. Soundproofing substances
3. Cushioning for the walls
4. Breakable objects such as: a. Big Ugly Vase; b. Large Framed Photograph of X; c. Old Monitor etc.
5. Full Body Suit - to prevent any injury to person wishing to use the Scream Room.
6. Boxing Bag and Gloves
7. Comfy Corner - with tissues, music player (in unbreakable box - in case some people get bored of the vase), juice and cookies. For crying you doofus.
8. Some guy who will set up the Scream Room, replace broken objects and occasionally join you inside for a (uncreepy) dance and jig, and listen to you bitch for 20 minutes and slap you if you request it.

Purpose:

You need me to spell it out? Really? I thought not.

Results:

Hypothetically - Happier Employees.

Resolutions: New Year

There are a few resolutions I make and break every year. The most consistent one being "I will stop being so bitchy and will not constantly judge people". Every single year. If I were a smoker (I'm not), I'd have found it far easier to quit smoking than to quit bitching. Well, that's a pretty silly line - given that I'm not a smoker and I couldn't possibly know how hard it is to quit. But, even if I were to grant it to all you smokeheads that it is super f.ing difficult - this is more.

Ok enough.

The next are usually - be a nicer person. Try and do something good for the community. Try and learn to play an instrument. All, always broken.

This year, one new year's day, I was taken to this tamil movie called "Easan".

It. was. excruciatingly. depressing

I can't tell you - it covered the entire range of depressing topics known to man. Politics, corruption, murder, incredibly bloody violence involving a lot of very very heavy metal objects landing on underaged people of all sorts, prostitution, eve teasing, rape, rape. Gang rape. rape of a speech-impaired girl. repeated rape.

F.

I resolved never to watch a depressing movie again. I was so angry at my cousins for taking me to watch that movie. 

Movies, for me, are supposed to take you somewhere happy. To let you escape into a world you don't mind sacrificing a couple of hours for. Not to bring you down to hell. Not to make you believe there isn't any hope left in this world. That noone could convince you to have a child - that not even you are such a sadist. 

Ugh

I hate that movie. I hate it. 

The rest of new years was lovely. This is going to be a big year and I can't wait to get on with it. 

Consider this

I know a whole bunch of single people. People who are not in a relationship. Some who have just gotten out of one, some who have never been in one, some who are in something but which is not a relationship and some who I don't know but are single - so I suppose these people don't fall in the "I know a whole bunch of single people" category - but in the "I know Of a whole bunch of single people as well" category. I've heard their stories.

I am not a single person. I haven't been a single person, since, forever. So, there it is - their grass and my grass and the question on quality of / intensity of greenness arises.

My side:

I have been dating the boy who is now my fiancé for six years - completed tomorrow. It's been a crazy six years and we finally achieved what we feel to be an equilibrium state in our relationship where things are going good. Then we decided to get married because it made sense. We had been together very long, we didn't want to not be together ever - ta da. Of course, then comes the (awaited) panic strike. "Boy, I will not be with another person, (again)". Now the 'again' is in brackets because I have never really been with anyone else to start off with. So, this automatically makes me the center of the usual question: Wow, are you sure about this, you will never date another person? No more for you. You are an aun.. I'll stop there.

Well. I'm an easy person to freak - and this type of blah de dufus does get me thinking. Oh boy.

Their side:

The entire world has opened up / has been open for a while, for them. It works fine for those who aren't looking for a relationship - they just cruise along, have their fun, free of responsibility, of serious thoughts on where to be, how to grow up elegantly and how to not kick and scream as the last light of childhood blinks a couple of times and disappears. (Ok looks like we're still on my side).

However, it's impossible to not think of where your life is going. Who will you meet. Will you meet that one person who makes you go "HELLO THERE" followed by some preferred music and a couple of dance moves by your heart. Will you will you will you. It would be fine if only 'will you' was the question - the more crash and burn question is 'what if you don't'.

India isn't quite your wonderland for single people, it seems to be extremely difficult to get anything going. Again, this is only based on what I've heard my friends tell me. Well, to meet someone you need a place - a situation - a comfort zone where anybody there is looking for something similar. Usually, you would suggest a pub. A nice drinking place. But the general mindset doesn't allow a comfort zone creation even in a pub. The probability of rejection is overwhelming.

Ok forget pubs, meet friends through friends through friends. That does work. But then, you need to carry along all your life's worth of luck with you.

Workspace - mostly, a bad idea.

College - the easiest place to find someone. They are forced to see you day after day. It is never one of those - oh I'll never see this person again let me get all nervous act like a fool and lose the chance forever. You can take your time, make your move. Especially in a university like mine - which was situated in a village and you spent five years with the same people - it works. However, if you have the luck of being stuck in a college where absolutely noone is compatible - pfeh.

All in all - its one giant (and seemingly frustrating) effort.

GREENNESS:

Ok so the proverb goes " the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side ". I don't know about that. I know some people who would love to be on my side - yet most of them are also glad they aren't here yet.

I'm happy being on my side. I don't care much for grass anyway. I'm more a sand and beach sort of person. and my view is looking good.

breathe deep

I don't want to be taken there. I want to be there, now. I want to be where the weather is chilled, but not freezing. Where the sun is shining through and the air feels crisp and delicious. I want to sit there, on the lawn. I want to lie down, look up at green green green trees. I want to hear birds, I want to hear the rustle of leaves, the breeze, I want to hear nothing more. 

I want to lie there, endlessly, taking it all in. Feel happy, free. Feel alive and well. Then I will smile and you will know, that you want to be there with me. 

Photo(s) of the (Tues)day

granted - I did sexy it up a bit online. But I really like this photo. Here's the original as well.

and some more from that day. un sexied up.

sniff.

Apparently,

Well... I heard

her name is Sheila.

Sheila ki jawani.

and she's too sexy for me.

She wont be mine. She simply wont be mine.



I feel pretty sad about that. Pretty sad.

Disappear off the face(book) of the earth (haha)

There have been few times in my life when I've felt like I wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. Remember Sita - remember how she felt when Rama doubted her fidelity for the third time. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her.

Well, I suspect that the current day Sita would satisfy herself by deactivating her facebook account. That's about as close as you can get to disappearing safely nowadays. 

_____

Hah, read this again and realised you guys may get the wrong idea about why I quit FB (in any case I'm back again so this is redundant) but I did because I got a little sick of how I've started feeling on FB. and

well another post another day. 

wonderbot's got a new post guys. please to check if interested in what my Monday went like.

An Idea can Change your Life

An Idea can also Ruin your life, stupid Abhishek Bacchan. Why don’t you tell people that ha? An Idea can f.ing kill it for you. It could be the end of your entire (difficultly achieved) understanding of happiness. It is the most dangerous and sly amongst all the causes of absolute despair and dead-ends.

You know – your brain is like a monkey. Well, I’m not entirely sure if monkeys behave this way – but I have heard that cap story. You know, there’s the cap seller who takes rest under a tree and the monkeys come and take away all his caps. He jumps around trying to get it back, but it doesn’t work. Then he takes the cap off his head and throws it to the ground, and all the monkeys do the same. Hmm.

Actually, I’m not sure whether the brain is like a monkey. The point is, the more you tell yourself, your brain, not to think of something – not to think of doing something, calling someone, seeing somebody, saying – talking – being – feeling – whatever it may be, the opposite - that is exactly what it does.

Have you seen Inception? Well watch it. It really proves my point. It shoves and pushes it off the highest building till the point is splattered in a bloody mess all over the pavement below. It does the trick.

Leo Dicaprio. He plays around with Ideas. Ideas which changes lives. He plants an idea in his wife’s head. An idea that their world isn’t real. That her world isn’t real. He thinks (f. Right, he doesn’t think) that this would help her to end this life in the dream world and come back to reality. He doesn’t realise (dumbf..k) that this idea would plant, grow, grip, strangle his dear wife. She cant shake it. It catches hold of her. She cannot get rid of the idea that every world she enters is not real.

Well. Leo. Well done. She dies. (or does she etc etc - but thats another story). YOU GET MY POINT ANYWAY. ARGH

What can I say – once an idea gets in your head – the kind that is definitely not good for you – it is very difficult to chuck it out. Very difficult. The better it is for your life – the faster it slips along. The worse it can do – the harder it holds on.

I want to shoot the TV when that Idea ad plays again.

Shoot it. There’s a good idea.

and it’ll be gone soon.  


-------------------




After writing this post I went back to reading the Ramayana. and there she was - Kaikeyi. The book says, she loved Rama more than she did her own son. She was Thrilled that he was to be king. Then came her hunched old maid - Manthara. She planted a seed in her mind - an idea in her head. That her son and she would be ruined if Rama was to be king. It grew, it took over and the rest is history. or, well, in this case,  mythology. 

In da Mood

I like flash games and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny
when you have some work, some irritating thing
and your boss is in your face
you get

sprung?

Ok, I was hoping to make glorious poetry on the tune of 'Baby Got Back - Sir Mix a Lot'. But, clearly, I am no Sir Mix a Lot. I could be

Miss Talk a lot.
Miss Whine a Lot.
Miss who flashes her Fake Smile a Lot

Miss Bitch a Lot
Miss Crib a Lot
Miss Eat and Sing and Sleep a Lot

Miss Want a Lot
Miss Got a Lot
Miss Shop Non-Stop and Spend a Lot

Miss Write a Lot
Miss Rhyme a Lot
Miss still ain't no Sir Mix a Lot

I'm a rockstar.

What's up Guys - Long time no post. No long post. No post worth its weight in wood. Decent wood, not the very expensive wood.

As you may have noted - I'm in a mood.

Buh

I want a burger
I want a bur ger
I want a buh rger
I want a
buh,
forget it.

I want to go home.

:)

Yesterday - my boyfriend became my fiancé by the sweetest proposal I could have hoped for.

and the nicest ring.

Goes to show me that I can plan things out in my head all I like, attempt to construct and control every moment of my life but sometimes it may be wise to trust someone else with me.

I had my real princess moment, and I'm well and way over the moon. There are very few times when you can honestly say 'that was perfect' - usually with food, sometimes with music, and sometimes in life.

Yesterday was perfect.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Photo(s) of the (Mon)day

exhaust
sheet
you look beautiful together

lesson #4

Everybody who loves you
is almost always right about you

te amo

I will be the beans, and darling
I will be the rice too
I will be the big cheese,
All wrapped up in a burrito

I will be your Chimichanga baby
I love you

LOVE

Grapes are yummy, so are oranges. I love grapes and oranges. I could eat them all day.
Papaya with lime and sugar.

I love papaya with lime and sugar.

I love pineapple juice. It makes me happy. I prefer canned to fresh though.
I also love pineapple in my pizza.

I love mutter paneer. I love paneer all soft and yummy. I love paneer tikka I love paneer makhanwala I love paneer parathas.

I love onion parathas. I love onion parathas you get at the dhabha near my college, with the chunky raita. I love chunky raita with chunky tomato pieces chunky curd bits and cucumber. All salty juicy yummy goodness I love it.

I love chinese food all salty yummy sweet sour madness. I love pakchoy. I love bamboo shoots. I love curry

I love curry, I love thai green curry, thai any curry, morrocan broth or spanish stew I love it. I love broths. I love it with nice fluffy light steamed white rice. I love rice

I love it with sambar, with rasam, with curd. I love curd rice.

I love curd rice with pickle, mango pickle, lime pickle, tomato pickle. I love pickle.

Its so easy to love food. I love it.

Sicko

I've fallen sick. I feel miserable and want nothing more than to curl up and lie still. I woke up, had a bath and then started feeling absolutely pathetic. Then came the decision of whether to head to work or not. I knew I had a lot of work. So I just sat down for a few minutes, attempted to convince myself that I am not sick at all, and then stepped out.

Went down and into bright bright burning sunshine. Realised this was a bad idea. Walked back to my elevator.
Then stopped. Called my mom, to ask her what I should do. My mom who is sitting cities away, had to make my decision.

She didn't pick up. Walked back to get a taxi. Stopped. Tried my mom again. Tried my boyfriend. He picked up, told me to not go if I feel that horrid. Agreed with him, and hopped into a taxi and gave directions to my work place.

About ten minutes in the taxi, asked him to turn back and drop me home. He did. My mom called, told me to go to work as maybe the work would distract me from feeling this bad - as there did not seem to be any specific reason for me to be sick. Ok. By now, I was back outside my apartment.

Went to the chemist. Picked up some tablets, all ready to head home and get some rest. Hopped into a taxi and gave him directions to work.

Reached work. Felt sick. Ran for a call. Felt sick. Tried working on a document, felt sick. Tried eating some lunch. Finally, that did it. I could barely think straight or move right. Decided to head home.

Headed home.
At home. Feeling miserable and sick.


This could have been easier you think, but it seldom is with me.


Any time I feel sick, I feel like I'm being punished for something I've done wrong. Usually I succeed in identifying the so-called wrong thing. This time, no clue. So maybe I'm not being punished. I just want to sleep, but I have work. Work that needs to be addressed, finished, sent and reviewed.

I think I may have fever.

On the true meaning of “the suspense is killing me”

I am not a patient person. I am physically and mentally incapable of waiting for anything. 

I cannot wait for a taxi for more than five minutes before I start losing my temper. Before I start tapping my foot till it hurts. Before I go "ARGH" in my head a couple of times. Before I go "ARGH" out loud a couple of times. 

I cannot wait for my food for more than half hour after I have ordered it. Not without grabbing at my stomach and exclaiming "I'm Hungry!" out loud every two seconds. Involuntarily, believe it or not. 

I cannot give a print out of 100 pages and wait for the printer to finish choking on every other page before spitting out my entire copy in more or less one piece. I cannot do that without attempting to hurt it physically, almost expecting it to go "ouch". Then stroking it where I hit it, by way of an "Oh all right I'm sorry. Now come on". 

When I turn a laptop or computer on, I cannot sit still and wait for it to wake up in ease. I must click. Type. Tap the screen. Jam the damn thing till I'm forced to shut it down against its will and try the whole process over again. 

I cannot wait two seconds for my tube light to flicker on - I need to turn it on and off three times in the hope that that somehow helps it make its decision to give me light. 

The word "Loading" makes me clench my fist. The words "Loading, please wait" make me clench tighter.

Because, I cannot wait. 

I want everything now. If I know about something, it needs to happen immediately. I am spoilt rotten you think? Well, maybe so. But I am incapable of waiting. 

The suspense depresses me, plays with my head, sinks me down in deep sorrow and frustration and then finishes me off for good. Killer suspense. 

Well, will let you know soon enough what has been causing me so much trouble that I was pushed to write this post - why I've been away this long and what next. I have a problem with suspense - I don't suppose you do. So wait.