Heal

It is beautiful to cry
To release your inside world of pain
Of real sorrow, real sadness
To release what would have otherwise eaten you alive
To feel that incredible burden reduce with each drop
With each trickle
Feel the sharp intake of breath slow, 
Gain an alarming rhythm only to change
Into one which rocks you to sleep

Looks like, looks like
she's been forgotten
the slate is clean and he couldn't care less

wiped right off the face of his earth

Life goes on

It gets boring, it gets weird, it gets complicated

Wrinkles form

Get ironed out

and then, life goes on 

Glory

It's my day
It's my glorious bloody day
and I want to be
the Shining Wow

Do you understand?
I won't always have my day
Neither will you
Now is the time to be
the Shining Wow

Cause the aahs and the oohs
Cause them all to go
Wow

She is shining.
It's her day

Will Power

I lack will power.





No, it's not always a bad thing. I realised this part of the 'I lack will power' series of thought very recently. It's become, 'I lack will power but that may be ok' now. Earlier? Oh earlier it was 'I lack will power bloody argh f. it all'.

Yes, coming back to my great Realisation. I was thinking through my lack of will power and wondering how well I'm going to make it in life love friendship world domination what not. I realised that a lot of stuff I cannot live without now in my life, I would have destroyed for good if my will power not being its lazy self, had been active and about.

I wouldn't be surprised if this post turns out to be one of those - oh she has something to say but this is such a public forum she wont say it she's just wasting our time bloody argh f.it all. It might guys, it just might. I've given you fair and lovely warning now, run along if you like.

No?

I suppose its a lack of will power combined with my ability to try and make dumbass decisions. Like - oh I am so angry I want to break my phone, break it break it break it - nah.  Not the best example I know.

Pfuh. time to give up on this post.

I guess in a very convoluted way - what I've actually realised is the whole 'everythings for the best - dont worry about it' philosophy works for me. Because I lack will power to change my life - and often that has lead to my life working out just super for me.


YOU LACKED THE WILL POWER TO STOP READING SO DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT MY STUPID POST OK.

love*

Pay me for Building Photos or Buy me an Ipad (this summarises the entire post - don't bother reading)

What am I doing now.

I am browsing 'architecture' - 'photography' in Deviant Art. It's a website. No I won't give you the link. Just go Google it. Ok not NOW.

Have I lost you? Hello?

Ok, anyway, trooping on. I am browsing 'architecture' - 'photography' and there are some really nice photos here of really nice (ok don't go look) houses, bridges, roads, buildings, rooms, beds and lights.

I would like you to pay me to take photos of buildings around the world. Are you listening? (Only bother listening if you are very rich and are willing to pay me very lots of money for something I have only shown about  10/100 talent in - and some of that 10 is helped along by pure 'fluke').

Fluke. I wonder if people use that word or if its just used in Chennai. I don't remember the last time anyone used that word. Hm.

Fluke.

Fluke describes quite a bit of my life actually. I don't mind at all. I'm so lazy, Fluking is the best thing that happens to me.

I suppose, fluking is a good thing to happen to anyone.
Fluking - I'm not sure that's a word. But my auto-correct isn't attempting to correct me. So, it is then.

Back to paying me lots of money for photos of buildings.

Actually, try doing that or just buy me an I-pad.

Scream Room

I'm not entirely sure of how normal this might be. Anyhow. I have come up with one way in which life at work - in my office - could be made better.

Idea:

Create a Scream Room

Things Needed:

1. Room.
2. Soundproofing substances
3. Cushioning for the walls
4. Breakable objects such as: a. Big Ugly Vase; b. Large Framed Photograph of X; c. Old Monitor etc.
5. Full Body Suit - to prevent any injury to person wishing to use the Scream Room.
6. Boxing Bag and Gloves
7. Comfy Corner - with tissues, music player (in unbreakable box - in case some people get bored of the vase), juice and cookies. For crying you doofus.
8. Some guy who will set up the Scream Room, replace broken objects and occasionally join you inside for a (uncreepy) dance and jig, and listen to you bitch for 20 minutes and slap you if you request it.

Purpose:

You need me to spell it out? Really? I thought not.

Results:

Hypothetically - Happier Employees.

Resolutions: New Year

There are a few resolutions I make and break every year. The most consistent one being "I will stop being so bitchy and will not constantly judge people". Every single year. If I were a smoker (I'm not), I'd have found it far easier to quit smoking than to quit bitching. Well, that's a pretty silly line - given that I'm not a smoker and I couldn't possibly know how hard it is to quit. But, even if I were to grant it to all you smokeheads that it is super f.ing difficult - this is more.

Ok enough.

The next are usually - be a nicer person. Try and do something good for the community. Try and learn to play an instrument. All, always broken.

This year, one new year's day, I was taken to this tamil movie called "Easan".

It. was. excruciatingly. depressing

I can't tell you - it covered the entire range of depressing topics known to man. Politics, corruption, murder, incredibly bloody violence involving a lot of very very heavy metal objects landing on underaged people of all sorts, prostitution, eve teasing, rape, rape. Gang rape. rape of a speech-impaired girl. repeated rape.

F.

I resolved never to watch a depressing movie again. I was so angry at my cousins for taking me to watch that movie. 

Movies, for me, are supposed to take you somewhere happy. To let you escape into a world you don't mind sacrificing a couple of hours for. Not to bring you down to hell. Not to make you believe there isn't any hope left in this world. That noone could convince you to have a child - that not even you are such a sadist. 

Ugh

I hate that movie. I hate it. 

The rest of new years was lovely. This is going to be a big year and I can't wait to get on with it. 

Consider this

I know a whole bunch of single people. People who are not in a relationship. Some who have just gotten out of one, some who have never been in one, some who are in something but which is not a relationship and some who I don't know but are single - so I suppose these people don't fall in the "I know a whole bunch of single people" category - but in the "I know Of a whole bunch of single people as well" category. I've heard their stories.

I am not a single person. I haven't been a single person, since, forever. So, there it is - their grass and my grass and the question on quality of / intensity of greenness arises.

My side:

I have been dating the boy who is now my fiancé for six years - completed tomorrow. It's been a crazy six years and we finally achieved what we feel to be an equilibrium state in our relationship where things are going good. Then we decided to get married because it made sense. We had been together very long, we didn't want to not be together ever - ta da. Of course, then comes the (awaited) panic strike. "Boy, I will not be with another person, (again)". Now the 'again' is in brackets because I have never really been with anyone else to start off with. So, this automatically makes me the center of the usual question: Wow, are you sure about this, you will never date another person? No more for you. You are an aun.. I'll stop there.

Well. I'm an easy person to freak - and this type of blah de dufus does get me thinking. Oh boy.

Their side:

The entire world has opened up / has been open for a while, for them. It works fine for those who aren't looking for a relationship - they just cruise along, have their fun, free of responsibility, of serious thoughts on where to be, how to grow up elegantly and how to not kick and scream as the last light of childhood blinks a couple of times and disappears. (Ok looks like we're still on my side).

However, it's impossible to not think of where your life is going. Who will you meet. Will you meet that one person who makes you go "HELLO THERE" followed by some preferred music and a couple of dance moves by your heart. Will you will you will you. It would be fine if only 'will you' was the question - the more crash and burn question is 'what if you don't'.

India isn't quite your wonderland for single people, it seems to be extremely difficult to get anything going. Again, this is only based on what I've heard my friends tell me. Well, to meet someone you need a place - a situation - a comfort zone where anybody there is looking for something similar. Usually, you would suggest a pub. A nice drinking place. But the general mindset doesn't allow a comfort zone creation even in a pub. The probability of rejection is overwhelming.

Ok forget pubs, meet friends through friends through friends. That does work. But then, you need to carry along all your life's worth of luck with you.

Workspace - mostly, a bad idea.

College - the easiest place to find someone. They are forced to see you day after day. It is never one of those - oh I'll never see this person again let me get all nervous act like a fool and lose the chance forever. You can take your time, make your move. Especially in a university like mine - which was situated in a village and you spent five years with the same people - it works. However, if you have the luck of being stuck in a college where absolutely noone is compatible - pfeh.

All in all - its one giant (and seemingly frustrating) effort.

GREENNESS:

Ok so the proverb goes " the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side ". I don't know about that. I know some people who would love to be on my side - yet most of them are also glad they aren't here yet.

I'm happy being on my side. I don't care much for grass anyway. I'm more a sand and beach sort of person. and my view is looking good.

breathe deep

I don't want to be taken there. I want to be there, now. I want to be where the weather is chilled, but not freezing. Where the sun is shining through and the air feels crisp and delicious. I want to sit there, on the lawn. I want to lie down, look up at green green green trees. I want to hear birds, I want to hear the rustle of leaves, the breeze, I want to hear nothing more. 

I want to lie there, endlessly, taking it all in. Feel happy, free. Feel alive and well. Then I will smile and you will know, that you want to be there with me. 

Photo(s) of the (Tues)day

granted - I did sexy it up a bit online. But I really like this photo. Here's the original as well.

and some more from that day. un sexied up.

sniff.

Apparently,

Well... I heard

her name is Sheila.

Sheila ki jawani.

and she's too sexy for me.

She wont be mine. She simply wont be mine.



I feel pretty sad about that. Pretty sad.

Disappear off the face(book) of the earth (haha)

There have been few times in my life when I've felt like I wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. Remember Sita - remember how she felt when Rama doubted her fidelity for the third time. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her.

Well, I suspect that the current day Sita would satisfy herself by deactivating her facebook account. That's about as close as you can get to disappearing safely nowadays. 

_____

Hah, read this again and realised you guys may get the wrong idea about why I quit FB (in any case I'm back again so this is redundant) but I did because I got a little sick of how I've started feeling on FB. and

well another post another day. 

wonderbot's got a new post guys. please to check if interested in what my Monday went like.

An Idea can Change your Life

An Idea can also Ruin your life, stupid Abhishek Bacchan. Why don’t you tell people that ha? An Idea can f.ing kill it for you. It could be the end of your entire (difficultly achieved) understanding of happiness. It is the most dangerous and sly amongst all the causes of absolute despair and dead-ends.

You know – your brain is like a monkey. Well, I’m not entirely sure if monkeys behave this way – but I have heard that cap story. You know, there’s the cap seller who takes rest under a tree and the monkeys come and take away all his caps. He jumps around trying to get it back, but it doesn’t work. Then he takes the cap off his head and throws it to the ground, and all the monkeys do the same. Hmm.

Actually, I’m not sure whether the brain is like a monkey. The point is, the more you tell yourself, your brain, not to think of something – not to think of doing something, calling someone, seeing somebody, saying – talking – being – feeling – whatever it may be, the opposite - that is exactly what it does.

Have you seen Inception? Well watch it. It really proves my point. It shoves and pushes it off the highest building till the point is splattered in a bloody mess all over the pavement below. It does the trick.

Leo Dicaprio. He plays around with Ideas. Ideas which changes lives. He plants an idea in his wife’s head. An idea that their world isn’t real. That her world isn’t real. He thinks (f. Right, he doesn’t think) that this would help her to end this life in the dream world and come back to reality. He doesn’t realise (dumbf..k) that this idea would plant, grow, grip, strangle his dear wife. She cant shake it. It catches hold of her. She cannot get rid of the idea that every world she enters is not real.

Well. Leo. Well done. She dies. (or does she etc etc - but thats another story). YOU GET MY POINT ANYWAY. ARGH

What can I say – once an idea gets in your head – the kind that is definitely not good for you – it is very difficult to chuck it out. Very difficult. The better it is for your life – the faster it slips along. The worse it can do – the harder it holds on.

I want to shoot the TV when that Idea ad plays again.

Shoot it. There’s a good idea.

and it’ll be gone soon.  


-------------------




After writing this post I went back to reading the Ramayana. and there she was - Kaikeyi. The book says, she loved Rama more than she did her own son. She was Thrilled that he was to be king. Then came her hunched old maid - Manthara. She planted a seed in her mind - an idea in her head. That her son and she would be ruined if Rama was to be king. It grew, it took over and the rest is history. or, well, in this case,  mythology. 

In da Mood

I like flash games and I cannot lie
you other brothers can't deny
when you have some work, some irritating thing
and your boss is in your face
you get

sprung?

Ok, I was hoping to make glorious poetry on the tune of 'Baby Got Back - Sir Mix a Lot'. But, clearly, I am no Sir Mix a Lot. I could be

Miss Talk a lot.
Miss Whine a Lot.
Miss who flashes her Fake Smile a Lot

Miss Bitch a Lot
Miss Crib a Lot
Miss Eat and Sing and Sleep a Lot

Miss Want a Lot
Miss Got a Lot
Miss Shop Non-Stop and Spend a Lot

Miss Write a Lot
Miss Rhyme a Lot
Miss still ain't no Sir Mix a Lot

I'm a rockstar.

What's up Guys - Long time no post. No long post. No post worth its weight in wood. Decent wood, not the very expensive wood.

As you may have noted - I'm in a mood.

Buh

I want a burger
I want a bur ger
I want a buh rger
I want a
buh,
forget it.

I want to go home.

:)

Yesterday - my boyfriend became my fiancé by the sweetest proposal I could have hoped for.

and the nicest ring.

Goes to show me that I can plan things out in my head all I like, attempt to construct and control every moment of my life but sometimes it may be wise to trust someone else with me.

I had my real princess moment, and I'm well and way over the moon. There are very few times when you can honestly say 'that was perfect' - usually with food, sometimes with music, and sometimes in life.

Yesterday was perfect.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Photo(s) of the (Mon)day

exhaust
sheet
you look beautiful together

lesson #4

Everybody who loves you
is almost always right about you

te amo

I will be the beans, and darling
I will be the rice too
I will be the big cheese,
All wrapped up in a burrito

I will be your Chimichanga baby
I love you