NEW LOOKZ

Don't worry. I'll probably change it soon.

If you don't like my feet, type in my link - close your eyes - scroll down thrice - open your eyes and avoid them altogether.

Auto Tale

I've already mentioned Bangalore auto drivers in a previous post. Anyone who knows anything knows how atrocious they are.

Now begins the auto tale, from this morning

I caught an auto, outside my house. Rather this guy stopped for me, and asked

"where to?" (in Hindi)
and I replied Lavelley.

However, there was someone else inside. I jumped right in and sat next to this strange girl, who immediately yelled

"SHARED Hai?"
to which he said No.

This girl then kept quiet and turned back to her phone, and at her stop paid him Rs. 10 instead of 20. Understandably, he was upset and she yelled "SHARED Tha" and ran for it while he called her a prostitute (in Hindi) and went on to describe various sexual acts she must be performing (as a prostitute).

That girl called him mad and ran. He tried briefly to run her over. It was all quite amusing.

What a chick.

Anyhow, I felt bad for the guy (slap on forehead). SO when we reached my stop, I told him to take Rs. 10 extra for that girl.

And the fucker cheats me.

[It takes Rs. 40 to my stop, he takes Rs. 60 from me - i ask him, what the hell - he says oh new meter its Rs. 50 for you plus 10 - then I point out that its Rs. 44 by new meter - then he gives me Rs. 5 change and fucks off. Ok you figure our the math - BUT HE CHEATS ME!]

The point is - well nothing - i cant use this one instance to say all auto drivers are .. fuck it .. ALLAUTODRIVERSARECHEATS.

bye.

Plunge

Jump; from such height
which takes your heart to your stomach
then to your brain
then back in its place, wiser.

The feeling of a good jump
a safe plunge
a roller coaster
can bring me back.

make me feel alive.

The same cannot be said for cable cars.

Sigh

Alright, so maybe this has become that blog. Shut it, I don't care.

I love Ryan Gosling.

Why?

Because he is hot and has the most wonderfulmeltsmyheartintoasmallteacupmadeofsunshine smile.

If you haven't watched any of his movies after THE NOTEBOOK (Why Ryan, why?) - then shut it (again). Go watch Crazy Stupid Love, Drive and Ides of March - then we'll talk (ONLY if you're chanting his name in a ILOVEHIMHELPME way - otherwise we wont talk)

Know that it was very difficult writing this post - given that I kept scrolling up to stare at his face.

I will watch every movie you ever make (from now on) Ryan. I will.

Nasty Nasty Nasty

How nasty the world looks
when you're sick and stuck at work.
How slowly time rolls by
making it all, all the more rotten

This will be a pointless little frustrated post
Everyone is too busy to hear me ramble
You have no choice, being my blog
None.

I would like to buy a Tagine
it's more expensive than my new oven - at Le Cereuset
Will someone else buy me that Tagine
Only if you're very rich and if you like me.

Or if you're very very rich, you needn't like me.
Just get me the Tagine.

Can't say I'll make much with it.
Moroccan broth, maybe. Unlikely.

I will not do anything for you in return.
Definitely will not wash your car or feed your pet.
Ok,
Then don't buy it for me.

Alright enough - bye.

Not my words, but I love this song. Listen to it when you can - Gotye and Kimbra.  

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

?

I dont know.

I know what you are doing, you are reading this post.

(kill me for that line)

Good Day

My biggest fear is probably that I might be mental. or heading there. or somehow it will sneak up on me and I will be branded completely crazy. or that I will develop a split personality which will go about tearing up my pillows and killing my cat (I dont have a cat).

My second and somewhat connected fear is that I am inherently evil. That I will turn out like the people I despise - because I am inherently evil and a hypocrite. I feel convinced I dont have a single good bone in my body. Not in a cruella deville way - I wont peel up puppies etc. More, of how little I care about anyone but myself - like a, like a tamil serial mother in law.

My third and unconnected fear is of death, dying. In painful or unpainful ways. Feh, everyone's got that going. right?

However, on good days I feel untouched by any of the above. I feel straight, sensible, good and unafraid.

Today is a good day - let me make the most of it.

Where have I been

In Bangalore, for the most part.

I have moved from Bombay to Bangalore in an attempt to make sense of my life in a manner that isnt extreme or unthoughtout. I know that is not a word, but this is my blog.

As much as I would like to say THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION EVER, it was not the best. But it was a good decision all the same.

I have a nice house (come see it, if you know me)
I have some nice friends (some borrowed, some cultivated)
I have some more time in my hands (enough to make me feel like I dont live to earn money endlessly)

This city has trees, its so green (more so because my sunglasses have a green tint)
It has gardens, and very bright sunshine

The auto drivers are crazy
They have this pent up angerenergy
Takes just the tiniest thing to piss them off
To make them scream, like you've driven a knife through their skull
(is that possible, I feel squeamish imagining it)
Makes you wonder though - how frustrated must they be, with their lives and their autos.
All that time spent in traffic, earning nothing more by the minute.
I daydream of ways in which the autos and rest of humanity can find a way for peaceful co-existence
Make me king, I'll tell you

I have guava juice every morning in office. I would rather be having pineapple juice, but guava is better than litchee and even lytchee litchee?, even that is better than no juice.

Something is missing though.

Maybe a trip to Wonderla will sort that out.

Come here

In our search for soul mates, search for the perfects
I am searching for that one girl
You are searching for the right song
We search for that right street, with the crisp cold zing air
The right country, the perfect home
That elusive job, which doesn't tire us, or destroy our dreams

Maybe we don't search, we just yearn
Helpless or lazy, sitting here yearning
Almost tasting our happiness
Moved to tears by the perfects we see
Just out of our reach

Today

I'm in a good mood
make the most of it
ask me for a free meal
ask me for a movie ticket

don't tell me I don't look good
don't tell me I don't sound right
don't go spoiling my good mood
I'll get damn pissed, and we'd fight

the fight would not end well,
you can count on it.
I'll make you pay for the meal
and the movie ticket.

HOOBASTANK

Life Update

I have been sick for one and half weeks. Make that almost two weeks. I finally feel better today.
My one and half, no, two week sickness - my two week sickness made me super grumpy and on the whole upset about life. Nothing new there. But, it has also made me QUEEN OF ASSASSIN'S CREED.

cough*

We bought an Xbox. with Kinect.

----

I just discovered that Shift+x doesn't work in my laptop. What..why. I don't imagine it's an often used combination on my keyboard. TIME FOR A NEW.. ok no. I'll get it fixed. Ok, someone will get it fixed.

cough*

----

On other breaking news, DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) entered my house on a covert mission - through an unimaginably small opening in the window - and shat all over the place. But, Thank You DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) for not shitting on my TV, or my xbox, or my futon or anything fancy. Thank you.

But, if you ever come back, I'll Kill Ya...Kill ya... kill ya (if you have not watched The Lion King, shoot yourself)

----

I ate some suspicious tasting peanut chikki thing. Apparently one bad peanut can spoil the whole lot. How unfortunate. I also ate some jackfruit chips - I'm not a big fan though. But one bad jackfruit cannot spoil the whole lot. Well, except the lot made from that jackfruit. I like jackfruit ice cream though.

Why has my cook not come today. Why.

----

I was watching the National Geographic channel (only because it is one of the seven HD channels we get - which includes STAR GOLD) and they were showing a piece on IKEA. That's when I realised. I want to work in IKEA. I'm not saying it's my dream job, but lets just say - that would have been a great idea. I could have designed furniture. Furniture bought the world over (barring some). I could've sat there and discussed furniture ideas with other furniture designers in a good climate location in Europe or some place. The work place would have been fancy and comforting and I don't suppose there are ever any FURNITURE DESIGNING EMERGENCIES which require me to work overnight.

I'm just saying, it looked like a happy place.

----

I have never used a sleeping bag in my life. I wouldn't know if they are comfortable or not. I have slept on mattresses laid out on the floor. Is it the same thing?

----

I'm turning 25 soon.

Holiday Jollyday

Today is a holiday
oh I could just sing

but the neighbours may not like that
then again, I put up with their shit

Today is a holiday
oh I could just dance, and shout and be me r r y
what a feeling
a holiday
in the middle of the week

The whole day lies in front of me
I can just eat shop and watch TV

and now I have tata sky HD
which makes me all the more happy

to be here
at home
alone
on a wonderful HOLIDAY

ok I miss you come back

Dignified what.

I wish I had the ability to maintain a dignified silence.
I don't have that ability and I can't fake it.
I would come across so much cooler (or so it seems) in any adverse situation, if I knew how to just stop talking post a point.

Example:

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Cool Me: ----
Irritating Person: EY MAN, I SAID YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE
Cool Me: Blink, -----
Irritating Person: HEY WHAT. useless.
Cool Me: Smirk.

But No.

I'm a screamer. I get angry, worked up and before I can get to framing a complete sentence in my head composing what my feelings are any given moment, its gone out of my mouth.

So it goes

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Me: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE AND SO IS YOUR DOG
Irritating Person: (looks wounded) Timmy is not bad ok.
Me: WHATEVER I DON'T CARE. NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

stomp
stomp
stomp

Sometimes, it is Not a bad thing. In fact, I wouldn't say that my behaviour in this respect has ever gotten me into any significant trouble.

But it just seems so much more stress-free to just be calm and maintain a dignified silence.

Never.

The strangest thing

This morning, I woke up at 8 AM,and then again at 8.05, at 8.10 and 8.15..well you get it, it was a marathon snooze with a 5 minute alarm break.I finally got out of bed at 9 AM.

Well, in terms of some background to the rest of this story, my firm has come up with this new rule where everyone needs to be in by 11AM sharp - so sharp it cuts you (cough), what I mean is, you come in at 11.01 and half day gets taken as leave. Ouch. I know it's pretty reasonable to expect associates you pay a lot of money to, to be in by 11. It's just that, none of us are used to it after years of crawling in by 11.30. Did I mention it's a new rule.

Second point to note in terms of background info - I got married this year. So, I'm already 15days up and over my leave entitlement AND I need to apply for leave for Diwali (cough). Yes, it may seem as a bit much - but that apart, you now understand how important it is for me to preserve these little half day cuts. A seemingly simple way to do that - come on time.

Third point to note - you know, background - I have been in one mega bad mood funk. I don't know what the deal is, not for the life of me. All is good in life and yet the smallest things make me want to Scream my head off. Just scream. I haven't done it yet - how. Where does a respectable person go to just scream her lungs out without attracting unnecessary attention.

So, I wake up at 9AM. If I leave home by 9.30AM, no problem. Can be at work by 10.30. well in time. But no. I decide that knowing what happened in the last elimination round on Masterchef Australia is far more important. I reason that even if I leave by 10, I should reach easily by 10.45.

So I watch master chef, see that Shannon is safe in the competition, eat my omelette and leave by 10. I get a cab with this elderly Muslim gentleman and ask him to whisk me away to Nariman point. But, sir, please could you take the Kalachowki route and then chaar rastha. KABOOM.

Mistake no.1. The route is completely jammed.

Mistake no.2. I don't have money to pay the cab driver, which means stopping at the ATM near office, which means 15 minutes more than otherwise.

So, by now my screaming problem has kicked in. I am red in the face from an effort to keep calm. And my poor old driver is having a lot of trouble hearing me. Which isn't helping my situation but God forbid I scream at him, I'd never forgive myself.

I take a few deep breaths, and wait. It's now 10.45 and it will take me 5 minutes at least to reach office. I have Rs. 110. Not enough to cover the cab. I then check my change, another 12 rupees. Still probably not enough to cover the cab. No escaping the ATM visit.

We reach my office building, there is a massive traffic jam between there and the ATM place. I decide to ask my cabbie how much the meter says. He says, just give me what you feel like.

I thought he didn't understand my question. So I ask him again. He says, well you travel here everyday, just give me whatever you usually pay to get here.

I told him his meter reading may be for more, so to just let me know how much. He refused. So I oaid him the 122 rupees as it usually takes me about 120 bucks to get there. He says thank you, and god bless you and drives away.

I get out, get to office by 10.55.

I don't understand what happened.

He isn't from my area and doesn't know I come here everyday.
He did not know that I didn't have money.
He refused to check the meter for God knows what reason - despite me telling him itbmay be showing more than what I generally pay.
If he hadn't done that, I would definitely have been late.

I don't get it, it was the strangest feeling stepping out of that cab. Like someone was asking me to just relax and take it easy, and things would work themselves out

Alright then

Love

I could just drown
eyes closed and smiling
in the sweetness of it all

Unlike bread

Somethings grow stale but they never grow old
They just linger on, visit again, set off reminders in your head of a different time
They annoy you, shame you, make you shudder thinking of how they may have affected your life
But they just don't go away

Some people, some clothes, some songs and some words
Grow so stale, yet they all have their effect on you - never grow old

...

Hello Mr. Large Nose
How did you become an actor

My dad is a politician
and money was a factor

Hello Mr. Stupid Face
Why did you buy that red car

My girlfriend said she would leave me
for the guy who runs the 'Bull Frog' bar

Hello Mr. Think twice
Where did you go last night

I wanted to dance to hip hop
but then I decided to sleep tight

Hello...
You all have dumb names anyway

Decision

How about a signal? I will signal to you
Red means stay
Green means go
Yellow means I'm a coward
and you are a whore

My heart beats green,
but go with red.
I'll listen to that damned Coldplay song instead

yellow. 

urge

This space has been dead and there has been no urge to write. To be fair, my friend Rorschach has already said this. But he has borrowed my words before, and since mine are on long vacation - I shall borrow his.

In my case though, i'm not sure it is entirely honest. The statement. There has been no urge for me to write what is permissible to be written in this space. The qualifier. That dear qualifier completes my sentence. It brings it meaning. Who is to say what will be your qualifier in your life, what will bring your life that completeness and meaning.

and how she rambles after such a long break. can we stop reading now


no wait. I have some more

Tamil movies. They are so shady post  11p.m. Yet here I am in complete drunken state watching them. In a way, its comforting to not have to see size minus ones and zeroes and whatever the fuck else they've come up with nowadays to describe really thin women. Yes, they look great but they have denied themselves a lot to get there and one can only hope it was worth all the food missed.

If it was pure genetics, man. screw them.

I wish I could've been a model. Then again, I was always allergic to cigarette smoke and I do love food. But whenever I pass the giant Zara ad on my way out of Phoenix Mills, I can't help but imagine myself standing there with a gaunt face and hunched up shoulders, pouting. Pouting that perfect pout - you might find the anorexic figure of me repulsive but some girl will look up at me and say - I want that dress.

Just, I want that dress

I do want that dress.

...

Please don't go, I have some more.

Umbrellas

what about them


I'm not sure about whether I like them.

I'm not sure if I like umbrellas. Am I happy they keep me dry. Do they even really keep me dry.

Seems like off late all they do is cause me massive disappointment and make me realise how completely incapable of handling basic responsibility I am.

I have lost (almost) 2 umbrellas in the past one week. One is lost for good - the other, since my friend dropped me home today, she has had the good sense to take the thing home.

Damn you umbrella. Who are you to make me feel this upset. Stupid piece of plastic crap.


....


Do you think you believe in alternate universes. Alternate lives. That with each huge decision you have in front of you which has a THIS WAY or THAT WAY situation attached - you are actually carving your life from then on out to go forth with one decision while the other goes with the other.

Lets say....You quit work, and you stay at work - the decision actually comes before you to be made - do you think, that stomachy feeling you get while making such decisions is actually a side effect to the creation of an alternate universe.

Do you think you and I live happily together in an alternate universe. 

I gave an example of work, let's stick to that shall we? So basically there is a me out there who makes invitation cards or takes photographs for a living and there is a me here who continues as life is. If this phenomenal alternate universe creating ability truth were to be revealed to you - would you feel happier making the dumbass decision of continuing with life as is - or would you leave that to your alternate self.

Does that matter.

....

I broke an entire bottle of pickle this morning. So the pickle is also wasted because it may have bits of glass in it now. It was a pickle which really made me happy. Lime pickle. The other pickle couldve gotten messed - but no, it was this lime pickle.

Maybe the other bottle broke in an alternate universe. snicker*


Fuck you.

Seriously.