Small talk with someone up there.

So everyone has problems. No really, its true. It is actually Not just you out there battling the worlds woes .

While that should be a comforting thought, it seldom is. You can tell yourself about people who barely have enough food for one meal a day or barely enough clothes to keep them covered, let alone warm - but ultimately

Your problems are your problems and they mean the world to you.

They seem all consuming, snacking away on your happiness and spraying large or small doses of perspective on them does not always make them go away.

I believe in God. Some people believe in someone else up there. Some dont. Well, I do and as a result of that I am always looking upstairs for answers. For someone to give me some sign that everything is going to be ok.

Once someone told me this story about Krishna (yes the one in the Gita, not your neighbour): apparently one of his devotees got through to him one day (either by tapas or by knocking on his door post his time here) and asked him why he doesnt just appear on earth and show everyone he exists - this might give people hope and help them move on. His answer, apparently (no real way of confirming here) was that he does appear but noone believes it could be him because he isnt wearing all of GRT Thangamaligai (famous Chennai gold shop) on him, with eight hands weilding miscellaneous accessories, including ofcourse a chakra.

There is ofcourse this other story (told to me by my school principal in London on my first day there): this man's house is getting flooded and he's repeatedly going God will save me. A bunch of firemen come his way, he refuses their help - people in boats come his way, he says take a hike - some helicopters come to pick him up, he shows them the finger (well some such thing) - then he dies. He goes up to heaven (or wherever) and asks God, 'why didnt you save me boss?' and God says, well I sent a bunch of firemen, boat guys and helicopters... This fellow ofcourse, felt like a fool at that point.

Anyway. The last few days at work have been fuckall and I am at my wits end - I cant really go on about what else has been bugging me. But, this morning, I finally open these set of notes my friend has scanned over to me on a matter I have NO time to work on. These notes have been taken on these lame diary sheets - and while these usually say things like "Wake up early, sleep early, be a beauty" (not quite but you get it), I get:

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their ingenuity.

Remember that not getting what you want, is sometimes the blessing.

Again, difficult to say how this applies to my life right now - but lets say

Problem: What should I have for breakfast?
Answer: You should have fried eggs with whole wheat toast with some ketchup and tobasco sauce on the side.

Thats about how clear that message was.

Thanks for the talk. Let me give this another go then.

Rolling in the Deep

I assume by now pretty much everyone has heard this song. But, have you seen the video?

Please watch it.

It is definitely one of the best music videos I've seen. I can't decide what part of it I like the best - but if  had to choose it would be the porcelain smashing against the wall, joining all those broken pieces lying in heap below - and how about those rows of glasses with water, the dust dancer, the idea to just have her seated in the middle of a room singing her heart out.

I need to find out who made this.

I HAVE BOUGHT A NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA

So, as soon as I get my laptop working or throw it out the window for a new one (which I cannot possibly afford thanks to my NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA) - you will be seeing posts with photographs (ha - it is the future).

Believe it or not.

To begin with, it may mostly be photographs of things in my house / my husband. But, wait, don't lose interest yet - just hold on and decide after the first few posts.

Some questions

Hey man Gotye, you made any other good songs or what?
are you a one-song wonder?
even that song, was it Kimbra who made it super?
Do you ask yourself this stuff Gotye?

Why did so many people watch and enjoy JAG?
Why did a lot of people not like Happy Days?
How many of you think Happy Days is a reference to the Telegu Film?
How many of you are fools?

What does "You make me this, bring me up, bring me down, plays it sweet, makes me move like a freak" really mean Alexandra Stan?
What does "Mr. Saxobeat" mean Alexandra Stan?
What does it matter given that I love that song anyway?

Britney Moment

I may not be all that young
but I am too young to feel this old

This is not a Britney Spears song,
ref: Im not a girl, not yet a woman.

But, while she had a point maybe,

My problem seems to be more,
I'm not a girl, I am a woman, but I simply haven't learnt JACK.
result of which, too much worries me now.

maybe I should ask myself to shut it and say

Who Kheyres

I have found you

You know, how you remember certain people by certain smells
Some wonderful scent takes you right back to that person
Some wonderful scent makes you feel - this is one beautiful beautiful being

and makes you yearn, to smell so wonderfully right.

I have found my favouritest perfume
The one I hope to be remembered by

It's a good feeling.

Nuts

Can I just say, its very hard
to tolerate your nonsense
day in, day out.

Can I just say, just because
you live in my head,
doesn't mean I can't get you out

You may be my mind,
but, mind it.
I would rather let my mind go,
than let my soul rot.

Cooking is a dangerous sport

What do you mean why.

Yesterday, my pressure cooker exploded. I exaggerate not. It exploded. It went to pieces. The top flew one way, the bottom, the handle, the weight. Everything Flew. There was also the sound of an explosion. KA BOOM. To top it all, my induction cooker - due to the said explosion - blew to smithereens. Literally. Its in fifty odd pieces right now.

I had, thankfully, just moved away to cut some vegetables.

I mean. Cooking is not for the faint hearted. Really, just not.

I went into a mini shock. Ran out of the kitchen. Ran back in to turn off the induction stove to prevent some crazy electrical fire thing. Ran back out. Sat there shaking for some time (I am a bit of a wuss).

Man.

Then my husband (ha) came home, looked more worried than me that I felt better, and took me out for a yummy thai dinner.

So, my rice cooker went bust a couple of days back. Now my stove and pressure cooker are gone. But being BRAVE as I am - today I tackle the oven.

PS: DO NOT BUY PIGEON PRESSURE COOKER.

Search Engine

What am I constantly looking for.
Maybe it isn't so much about what I'm looking for, than that I just need to constantly be looking. To constantly search for one damned thing after another.

If you are always lost,
you are always looking.
(ancient chinese proverb)

or was it

If you keep looking,
you will remain lost
(ancient chinese proverb)

Nomadic me. Wait, no, being nomadic means something a little different. Could I say my brain is nomadic? Would that make sense? Difficult to have a conversation with silent readers.


HELLO
HEllo
Hello
hello

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT

oko k ok, I digress.

Everday I disappoint myself, an inch more - than the previous day. I really feel like I need one thing to pull me together and make me half the person I used to be.

I am growing transparent. Do you understand? I can see right through myself. Anyone can see right through me. Yes, that's what growing transparent means.  Shut. Up. The real and solid part of me is being worn thin, wearing out, getting worn out. Translucent, then transparent.

Does growing older automatically result in feeling increasingly lost? Tell me. A huge amount of fun all this is.

That apart, all is good. See you guys in the next post

HELLO
HEL

ok ok. ok.

NEW LOOKZ

Don't worry. I'll probably change it soon.

If you don't like my feet, type in my link - close your eyes - scroll down thrice - open your eyes and avoid them altogether.

Auto Tale

I've already mentioned Bangalore auto drivers in a previous post. Anyone who knows anything knows how atrocious they are.

Now begins the auto tale, from this morning

I caught an auto, outside my house. Rather this guy stopped for me, and asked

"where to?" (in Hindi)
and I replied Lavelley.

However, there was someone else inside. I jumped right in and sat next to this strange girl, who immediately yelled

"SHARED Hai?"
to which he said No.

This girl then kept quiet and turned back to her phone, and at her stop paid him Rs. 10 instead of 20. Understandably, he was upset and she yelled "SHARED Tha" and ran for it while he called her a prostitute (in Hindi) and went on to describe various sexual acts she must be performing (as a prostitute).

That girl called him mad and ran. He tried briefly to run her over. It was all quite amusing.

What a chick.

Anyhow, I felt bad for the guy (slap on forehead). SO when we reached my stop, I told him to take Rs. 10 extra for that girl.

And the fucker cheats me.

[It takes Rs. 40 to my stop, he takes Rs. 60 from me - i ask him, what the hell - he says oh new meter its Rs. 50 for you plus 10 - then I point out that its Rs. 44 by new meter - then he gives me Rs. 5 change and fucks off. Ok you figure our the math - BUT HE CHEATS ME!]

The point is - well nothing - i cant use this one instance to say all auto drivers are .. fuck it .. ALLAUTODRIVERSARECHEATS.

bye.

Plunge

Jump; from such height
which takes your heart to your stomach
then to your brain
then back in its place, wiser.

The feeling of a good jump
a safe plunge
a roller coaster
can bring me back.

make me feel alive.

The same cannot be said for cable cars.

Sigh

Alright, so maybe this has become that blog. Shut it, I don't care.

I love Ryan Gosling.

Why?

Because he is hot and has the most wonderfulmeltsmyheartintoasmallteacupmadeofsunshine smile.

If you haven't watched any of his movies after THE NOTEBOOK (Why Ryan, why?) - then shut it (again). Go watch Crazy Stupid Love, Drive and Ides of March - then we'll talk (ONLY if you're chanting his name in a ILOVEHIMHELPME way - otherwise we wont talk)

Know that it was very difficult writing this post - given that I kept scrolling up to stare at his face.

I will watch every movie you ever make (from now on) Ryan. I will.

Nasty Nasty Nasty

How nasty the world looks
when you're sick and stuck at work.
How slowly time rolls by
making it all, all the more rotten

This will be a pointless little frustrated post
Everyone is too busy to hear me ramble
You have no choice, being my blog
None.

I would like to buy a Tagine
it's more expensive than my new oven - at Le Cereuset
Will someone else buy me that Tagine
Only if you're very rich and if you like me.

Or if you're very very rich, you needn't like me.
Just get me the Tagine.

Can't say I'll make much with it.
Moroccan broth, maybe. Unlikely.

I will not do anything for you in return.
Definitely will not wash your car or feed your pet.
Ok,
Then don't buy it for me.

Alright enough - bye.

Not my words, but I love this song. Listen to it when you can - Gotye and Kimbra.  

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

?

I dont know.

I know what you are doing, you are reading this post.

(kill me for that line)

Good Day

My biggest fear is probably that I might be mental. or heading there. or somehow it will sneak up on me and I will be branded completely crazy. or that I will develop a split personality which will go about tearing up my pillows and killing my cat (I dont have a cat).

My second and somewhat connected fear is that I am inherently evil. That I will turn out like the people I despise - because I am inherently evil and a hypocrite. I feel convinced I dont have a single good bone in my body. Not in a cruella deville way - I wont peel up puppies etc. More, of how little I care about anyone but myself - like a, like a tamil serial mother in law.

My third and unconnected fear is of death, dying. In painful or unpainful ways. Feh, everyone's got that going. right?

However, on good days I feel untouched by any of the above. I feel straight, sensible, good and unafraid.

Today is a good day - let me make the most of it.

Where have I been

In Bangalore, for the most part.

I have moved from Bombay to Bangalore in an attempt to make sense of my life in a manner that isnt extreme or unthoughtout. I know that is not a word, but this is my blog.

As much as I would like to say THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION EVER, it was not the best. But it was a good decision all the same.

I have a nice house (come see it, if you know me)
I have some nice friends (some borrowed, some cultivated)
I have some more time in my hands (enough to make me feel like I dont live to earn money endlessly)

This city has trees, its so green (more so because my sunglasses have a green tint)
It has gardens, and very bright sunshine

The auto drivers are crazy
They have this pent up angerenergy
Takes just the tiniest thing to piss them off
To make them scream, like you've driven a knife through their skull
(is that possible, I feel squeamish imagining it)
Makes you wonder though - how frustrated must they be, with their lives and their autos.
All that time spent in traffic, earning nothing more by the minute.
I daydream of ways in which the autos and rest of humanity can find a way for peaceful co-existence
Make me king, I'll tell you

I have guava juice every morning in office. I would rather be having pineapple juice, but guava is better than litchee and even lytchee litchee?, even that is better than no juice.

Something is missing though.

Maybe a trip to Wonderla will sort that out.

Come here

In our search for soul mates, search for the perfects
I am searching for that one girl
You are searching for the right song
We search for that right street, with the crisp cold zing air
The right country, the perfect home
That elusive job, which doesn't tire us, or destroy our dreams

Maybe we don't search, we just yearn
Helpless or lazy, sitting here yearning
Almost tasting our happiness
Moved to tears by the perfects we see
Just out of our reach

Today

I'm in a good mood
make the most of it
ask me for a free meal
ask me for a movie ticket

don't tell me I don't look good
don't tell me I don't sound right
don't go spoiling my good mood
I'll get damn pissed, and we'd fight

the fight would not end well,
you can count on it.
I'll make you pay for the meal
and the movie ticket.