TODAY IS A BAD DAY

If I could paint love, I would
If I could paint sorrow, I would refrain.

- ancient Canadian saying

what? there are ancient Canadians, and they do say. The Chinese don't own this shit yo.

If I could paint well, I would
If I couldn't paint very well, I still would

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I feel I have been so untrue to myself about myself I don't know anything about anything, including myself. 

So if I honestly know nothing, can I start afresh? Be anybody?
If yes, would I choose to be a kind, patient and softspoken person? No.
What is required is introspection (good word).  Self-introspection (that's understood). 

Just, boil myself down until something resembling what I might actually be emerges.  Then try not to be fake ever again.

Simple yo.

---

There was this girl on a call yesterday - well, the guy sitting behind me was on a call with this girl yesterday - and boss, what a voice.  Never have I hated someone, truly in an I-would-shoot-you-in-the-face-good-youre-on-the-phone-and-i-dont-have-a-gun-in-any-event way, but this girl.

BP rising.

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I shall go get drunk
I shall go get drunk
I shall go get drunk
to nigh t t
I hope I don't black out
I hope I don't f*** up
but I shall go get drunk
to night.

(sing it in a 'we shall overcome' tune).

 [as I was typing this, someone called to cancel. wtf]

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Today is a bad day,
I wish you could have a bad day with me,
and then we could go out,
have some drinkses and watch a movie,
and curse this f.all day,
together