saved by circumstance

I don't believe I have given enough credit to how much I have been saved by circumstance in the past year.

Never in my life have there been so many mistakes just waiting to be committed, but somehow, it seems like the universe in a gi-normous effort to save my ass (I wouldn't call it a conspiracy - that is usually coming together for an evil purpose - this was an all in all thankgoodness purpose), created circumstance which literally forced me to make no mistakes.

Possible, that I would have made the right choices anyway. But sometimes, its good to have someone absolutely ensuring that you have no way but the right way to go. None of my friends could have played that role. Not my family. That's where I let myself feel happy thinking there's someone else out there watching out for and over the very-human me.

It was the equivalent of an intervention. A much needed one. and it has worked.

bombay lesson #1

you have your headphones on, you're in a dingy taxi, there's a beautiful song playing.
you see the old and well adjusted buildings, homes of millions, streaming past you outside.
you roll down the window, the wind hits your face and races through your hair.
you are flying high.

DO NOT FORGET YOURSELF AND INHALE DEEPLY.

you do forget yourself, forget that you are in Bombay, and inhale deep in an attempt to take in all that the situation in its poetic moment has to offer.
you choke, roll up with window, tear off the headphones and ride the rest of the way in stony silence.

here we say - sights, sounds and distinctive smells of Bombay.

come on in

An integral part of my existence and component of my happiness is wrapped around day dreaming and creating imaginary worlds. I enjoy both immensely. In fact, my friend R and I became quite close over our common love for day dreaming and most of my other friends have been subject to my relationship with my imagination.

This post in the usual style of dark-or-sad that plagues most of my entries should ideally end with me saying, oh but I have lost the will to dream. Thankfully, I have not. Not in the least.

Growing up, and post, I have always had a sufficient number of friends. To talk to, play, gossip and laugh or cry with, as the situation commands. However, my closest friends have always been the imaginary ones (honestly, this could be because I hardly get along well with anyone who is not me). These guys have filled in every gap I have in the past found, and do presently find, in my life. They have been built by my mind to be true, faithful and discerning. They are careful to enter only when I need them terribly, so as to not have me label myself as someone in serious need of psychological help.

The day dreams are different. The imaginary folk never enter my day dreams, helping keep it real. They know well enough that I depend on these day dreams to get me through rocky or steadily boring phases and having them play a role would destroy hope. Hope is a necessary element for my day dreams, to believe they will come true one day. I find it impossible to dream of impossibles. I need basis, I have logic following through pillar to pillar as I carefully, and painstakingly, construct my day dreams.

There is your insight into my mind for the day. I shall end it with very good advice - yes I do say so myself - always have a few imaginary friends and do invest some of your time in day dreams. You must create meaning for your life, it will not present itself to you.

see.

Thinking straight when your life is going in circles will only make you dizzy.

Eating a lot when your life is going in circles will make you nauseous. You will also become fat.

what?

keys

1. Always, always, own your own set of keys;
2. Do Not hand out too many copies to lovers, to friends, to family or neighbours.
3. If you do Not follow No. 2 - do Not then complain about having anything stolen or broken.

on sexual harassment

its tough to define exactly to what extent the actions/words of men can amount to sexual harassment of a woman. The same actions/words by a friend may be forgiven, but coming from someone else might still be harassment. Sometimes, if it does not quite amount to harassment, sadly, its the only thing you can term the horrible thing done/said to get any sort of response from an entirely incapable-of-understanding majority in society.

From personal experience, men seldom, if ever, understand what comprises sexual harassment unless its in a form which slaps you in the face. The anger hurt fear and shame a girl feels when it does happen to her, make it very hard to miss when it does happen. We had a lesson in our sociology course, a class which most people in my class couldn't quite follow, that it is very hard to chalk out the same idea of 'modesty' for every girl - it does differ - so when it comes to outraging a girl's modesty, its very hard to determine when it has been done and when not.

Anyway, I was talking about anger, hurt, fear and shame - very strong emotions - not always translating into strong actions by the girl concerned though. Sometimes, fear or shame is overpowering so we shut up. Sometimes the hurt is overpowering so we cry. And sometimes, the anger is overpowering and we react.

Now, Noone can judge when a girl who has been through such an episode, whether in your eyes it amounts to sexual harrassment or just harmless teasing, has anger, hurt, fear or shame overpowering her. Sometimes, women who have been raped only have the principal element of fear or shame and cannot file a complaint. Sometimes, what maybe construed as harmless teasing, over years of feeling helpless or turning ones back, can allow anger to be overpowering.

If she reacts, and you havent the slightest clue how it feels to be in a position where you feel the way she does then, you shut the hell up. You dont judge. You dont criticise. You dont support. You dont argue. You cannot begin to have the slightest clue, so you shut the hell up.

Its always easy to comment- shouldve complained, or in the other hand, she shouldve not made such a big deal out of something - its personal, complicated and beyond your understanding, whether youre a girl or a boy- honestly, you cannot ever know for sure, so you shut up.