What is With Everyone?

I know that the next year is still a few months away, but I think it is officially time for me to make a resolution. One which I have made and failed to keep up for a number of years now. Enough, though. It is time. There is a lot of change going on in my life right now, and all for the best. Never a better shot at attempting

"Try and stop being a big bitch to everyone you remotely care about." Because it really takes a lot for them to continue liking you for whoever you are. And you're getting worse by the year, making it harder by the year for them.

and also

"Try and stop getting so affected by the people around you and the stupid (in your opinion) things they do." Because they do not give a shit. You are the only one affected by it. For the worse. It does not help your blood pressure, your temper or your image.

Alright then, today shall be Day 1 of me with my new resolve. Let me see how this goes.

Super. Duper.

Hey, its change again.

Plain to see. Change.
Hello bright and beautiful. Hello bright.


I can't say I'm entirely satisfied. I don't think I will be till I have more to say in what goes on behind. The background isn't really screaming my name out yet. It isn't going .. never mind. I won't say it.

I watched an incredible movie recently. It was called 'Priceless'. Well to be accurate, it was actually called 'Hors du Prix' - it was French and it was on World Movies and it made my night (quite a late night it was) and it made a lot more after that. It also made me cry. and laugh. Both, would you believe it. It had Audrey Tautou (of the Amelie and Coco before Chanel fame) (well maybe not just these two movies for the 'fame' factor, but these are the only two I've seen) and  Gad Elmaleh (of what fame I don't know).

Do me a favour, watch the movie: if you find a dvd, buy me an extra.

I love it when a movie hits the spot. When it really makes me Feel something. Even better when that something is good warm and gooey.

Gopal Krishna Gokhale says

aside: its a really nice statue.

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

Some photos from Victoria Memorial in Calcutta. and one of a gloomy score board.

HEY

you want change?

I'll give you change.

You first give me some curd rice and pickle.

The (Needed?) Shot of Perspective

Dear you,

Alright, I am completely freaking out. I must have sent a hundred messages to my friends, each with a screaming sentence of ‘help’, ‘I need to get out of here’, ‘I am losing my mind’ etc. So then I decide I need to take my daily double shot of ‘perspective’ in order to calm down enough to continue working and get through this miserable day.

Then I made the mistake of asking myself the following question – which I think I need to (someday) make a poll and put up in a website (not this one) (one which a number of people will read) and figure out what the popular opinion is.

Here is the poll anyway, in the event my mostly silent readers would like to contemplate in their free time. And do Contemplate, it is an important question and not to be answered lightly.

Question: Is it alright to get through each day on the assurance that ‘my life could be worse’:

Answer:

a. It’s alright you spoilt ****(add as many stars as you find necessary);

b. It’s not alright at all, Dingbat (used lovingly);

c. I don’t know, don't bother me. Go away.

Ok, I’ve taken today’s shot anyway. Need to get back to work. My life could be worse.

Love,

soontobevery Psychogirl

beans

I was re-reading Jack and the Beanstalk, I found myself thinking

What a silly fellow. He sold his cow. For beans. Cos some old man told him they're magical. If I were his mother I'd have though he was a fool. I'd have been terribly upset as well. Poor woman, starving, last hope pinned on the cow being worth some money...

and that's when it hit me. When I was younger, I never once questioned Jack.

I thought his mother was a fool. How could that woman not see that magical beans were totally worth a cow. More than a stupid cow.

It never struck me that the beans might not have been magical. The old man said they were, so of course they were.

Boy. It is very useful to have the ability to believe in magical beans. To trust that there is such a thing. That for your cow, you can get yourself some of them beans. There would be some difficulty, but there is more hope in a happy future there than in selling the old cow, for some money, which would run out, soon.

I know I'd never trade a cow for magical beans. I hate that about myself.

What I'm trying to say is, there are some people, who can bring themselves to leave something steady and solid for a risky shot in true pursuit of happiness. They are able to believe in that shot, believe that it is the right thing to do. That magical things will happen to their lives if they let go of their planned and average existence, if they take that risk. They usually have a yelling mother waiting for them at home as well: in the form of their parents, good friends, spouse .. any person they're responsible for. They still take the leap. They buy the magic beans, plant it and hope for the best.

and here I am. Someone who can Only see the risk; the giant possibility of everything crashing and burning. Someone who can only see some castle in the air, waiting to fall through, sink. No giant, no magic and no happy ending.

Jack and the beanstalk is a super story. I should have learnt more from it while I still could.

Anita

Thought: It struck her one day - no one in the world who knew her for the person she is, loved her very much. They actually despised most of who she was.

Saving grace: She was known for her sudden demonstrations of real affection. She gave everyone she held near her heart, a rare but severe show of true compassion. Rare, yes. But enough for them to fight.

Fight very hard.

Fight against all that she was, on ordinary days, for those special days. They had to fight to love her despite.

Monster maker: Everyone was aware that any real flaw in their character was brought about by her. They were sure that they would never behave the way they did when she drove them crazy, when she made them mad. It was her fault, she made monsters out of them all.

They still held on. They still forgave her, accepted her apologies, her lack of apologies, her smile and the sudden boomerang of happiness she threw their way. But they knew, it wouldn’t be long till they’d had enough.

So the question really was.

Question: Do we tell her now? Or do we wait, for another unpleasant day, to say goodbye.

So: Self-destruction can be brought on through others.

post midnight blog rambler

because I have a lot of work, I don't blog very much (also because that's about all I have to say. yes)

for some reason just can't bring myself to come home and head straight to sleep

despite being quite, quite tired.

I've listened to 'uff teri adaa' from karthik calling karthik a minimum of twenty times already.

It's still on.

**

I suck at applying nail polish. All my nails are looking quite ok, except One. Which looks like the nail equivalent of 'The Man Without a Face' (Mel Gibson movie) or the Thing from the Fantastic Four. You get the drift.

**

I bought a cool bum-cooler for my laptop. Its supposed to keep my laptop all cool and comfy. Except, while the laptop used to get hot at the bottom before, it gets hot on the top now.

Screw you Belkin.

what?

ok, well true, you screwed me.

Argh.

**

I've bought "The Princess and the Frog". I'm excited about watching it. But, I think I'd be more excited if I had an air conditioner - then I can get all comfortable, eat some chips and watch some Disney. I'm beginning to think that pretty much everything in life would be better with some smooth air-conditioning action at home.

I'm too lazy to go buy one.

**

If I had an AC, I wouldn't have needed the Belkin laptop bum cooler. Just saying.

what have you done Madonna

My ipod was on shuffle last night as I was taking a taxi home. This song by Madonna called 'love profusion' started playing. There was a time in college when I'm pretty certain I had this song on repeat for three weeks straight and a few weeks after. I loved this song. It used to be on my phone, my ring tone, on repeat on my laptop, favourite song on my ipod, I used to play it in other people's rooms when I went out of mine.

This wasn't the first, last or only song that's consumed a nice big chunk of my life this way. There have been others.

When those songs play, there's always a sense of nostalgia. I can remember the exact feel of my life as it was then. I feel like I've recorded away a bit of me in these songs. People I loved then, things I was obsessed with, the food I liked to eat a lot, the clothes I wore - it all comes flooding back.

However

Love profusion. The song played once last night. I played it again. Nothing. I played it again.

I couldn't remember a thing. I couldn't imagine why I would have ever liked the song. I couldn't see how I could have let it consume so much of my time. I could not remember the person I was when I used to listen to the damn thing. At all.

The song took the memory of me then and hid it away. Unlike the other nice songs which give me my memory back each time I play them.

What a bitch.

Impatience is no virtue

Alright, I lack the ability to wait for anything I know I want. Biding is not my thing. I cannot bide. Kick stupid biding in the ass. Biding is overrated.

I want now. I want everything I want, now. I know this about myself, and yet, sometimes (quite idiotically) I try and convince myself to not think of what I want or to think I don’t want something I do want.

Well (surprise!) I end up wanting it more. If I wasn’t sure before, my dumbass idea of persuading myself against it backfires repeatedly, to ensure that I think (no, I Know) that I Need whatever it was I only Wanted before.

So I don’t like biding. I don’t like abiding much either. But that’s a different story. Not to say I’m some cool reckless - live it up - girl. I do bide and abide, a lot. But only after some terrific moments of anger frustration almost not biding or abiding some arguments with myself and mental (who am I kidding) ok physical restraint(s).

Alright, so I am clearly an affected party of this allergy I have to biding. But there are those who are affected more. These are the people from whom I ‘expect’. Man.

I ‘expect’ a lot, from a few people. I ‘expect’ quite thoroughly and (I convince myself) quite reasonably. I understand my mind can’t be read. But I assume, given that I’m very vocal about what I want, the expectees would buck-up a bit. Clearly, these expectees almost always have better things to do in life than to ensure that I have whatever I want.

I get angry, throw tantrums and then finally settle for biding.

I hate stupid biding.

due diligence adventure / Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

It's wednesday. Crap. Do not have any new photos to put up. Crap.

crap crap. um. hmm.

alright, I apologise, here's a photo I took of the Latur airport. In running for the 'cutest airport ever' title.

vote? no?

I'd gone on a due diligence to Latur (don't ask). Its in Maharashtra, somewhere. Kingfisher has flights to and from Latur (not regular, but heck). The people from the company we had to conduct our due diligence on, decided we must first check out their godowns and cold storage units (because they were super proud of them).

Here.

Its pretty cute. The whole trip was. We went to the PVR there (yes) to watch pyar impossible (yes), a ten thirty show (hm.) four women (aha.) yes.

Well, we were a bit scared when getting out. But all ended well.

Our hotel rooms were, well a bit of a blast from the past for me. You see, my family does a lot of temple visiting trips. If you guys have done these trips you will be familiar with what I'm about to go on about. Medimix soap hotels. In these trips you unfailingly stay in a medimix soap hotel. Which is essential a 'hotel' with the barest of minimums. Its got the one sheet. One scratchy rug. One scratchy towel. and. unfailingly again (nice word). A medimix soap.

We stayed in a medimix soap hotel.

Here

Ok, before you judge me for what I'm about to say - please note, the curtains are made of velvet, they're dark and heavy (and musty) and the airconditioner was making these KREEA CH SQUELCH noises and dropping water all over the bed.

Well, after the movie, I came back to this room, had to sleep in it alone. There were, needless to say, a hundred unheard of noises, which could be heard over and above the damned airconditioner. Then there were shadows behind the velvety horror movie curtains.

Got scared out of my wits. Slept for two hours in all. With the lights on.

The next day the sweet company people took us for lunch at the fanciest hotel in Latur and packed us off into our trains headed Mumbai with Loads and Loads of sweets and snackies.

the end.

baglove.

this bag and I go a long way

in the opposite directions.

When will I have you. When will you be mine.

Would you believe I depressed myself with great success with the help of just this bag. An entire day went down the drain starting with this fucker. I realised I would never spend the amount of money it takes to get one of these. No matter how much I earn (at the rate I'm going now) (not taking into account any lottery wins / surprise lost and found uncle inheritance)(then I'll buy).

Well Prada, we'll always have China.

my sharona

Apparently Sandra Bullock’s character observes in The Net,

“Human beings define their reality through suffering and misery.”

What a happy thought. Stinky upsetting movie line.

***

'Happiness is a silly creature, when you stop paying attention to yours it runs off and wraps itself around someone else. Nothing can describe that mildly icky feeling of having your Happiness wrapped, revolving and trapped around someone else.'

Sandra Bullock, say that, come on. How about in a cute movie with Hugh Grant? Actually he should say it, he's the one who can pull it off.

***

The spell check on my post thing is not recognising the word 'movie'. what?

***

When much younger I used to listen to the song "my sharona" by The Knack. I used to imagine being able to play the guitar to that song and getting any boy to be mine.

A lot of life revolved around boys, when it didn't revolve around books or music or day dreaming. Well, all interconnected.

***

Come on, my sharona? the movie Reality Bites? Ethan Hawke?

Here are the lyrics: don't judge me.

Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.
When you gonna give me some time, Sharona?
Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run.
Gun it comin' off the line Sharona
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona...

Come a little closer huh, ah will ya huh.
Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona.
Keeping it a mystery gets to me
Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona
Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind.
Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona...

When you gonna give it to me, give it to me.
It is just a matter of time Sharona
Is it just destiny, destiny?
Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharona?
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona...

***

In my defence, I didn't know most of the lyrics then. Honest, it was the guitar.

perv.

zoozoocide.

I hate zoozoos.

Hate their name. that bloody 'language' they speak. how they look.

Everytime I see them on tv I feel like ripping my sim card out of my phone and eating it.

(yes I have vodafone. Its the only connection that works in Mumbai)

That one ad, where the dumb zoozoo jumps into a tiger's cage - I'm all "EAT THE ZOOZOO sweet tiger" "Go on kitty". They don't show you that, but I feel happy thinking there's no way that zoozoo could've escaped being eaten by sweet tiger in that tiny little cage.

:)

Everyone loves zoozoos.

Why.

They are idiotic irritating nincompoops.

In fact, if I hate you, I'll call you a bloody zoozoo.

I bought a dupatta today

It took me twenty minutes to get a cab to go to the shop

It took me thirty minutes to choose from very many dupattas the shop had to offer

But I believe I have found the dupatta I was looking for

Well they said buy it or leave now, we shut at eight

Nice dupatta still

Then I made the mistake of taking a cab home.

I got stuck in traffic. For hours

It was very hot and I was very tired

The cab was pretty stinky.

Some people find the word stinky pretty cute

What, its true. There are people who do.

I happen to be one of those people.

HA.

Stinky. Hello there little stinky.

Its a pretty cute word, I could have a dog named stinky.

I won't have a dog, so that's ok.

Really felt like getting some nonsense out of my head and system.

Feels good to have somewhere to put it anyway.

I never really like getting rid of anything completely

holidaymorning

Do vampire dogs go voof?

Nokia should use the fact that everyone thinks their phones are unbreakable - in their ads - to their advantage.

I wish my landlord would let me drill nails on my wall.

He’s got such a weird face.

I’m sure someone out there has made an entire dress out of tape.

What am I going to accomplish by getting out of bed now anyway. Nothing.

Maybe I should have food and go to five gardens.

Alone?

Why didn’t more people like Alice by Burton. Fools

If 3d movies are so cool, why are the glasses so dorky. (Mental note: Never go for 3d movies with boys I like, or let them watch me eat a burger. Ever.)

Have a nice Saturday guys.

Excursion

I did lower kindergarten to third standard in this school called Chinmaya Vidyalaya in Chennai, Tamil Nadu (for those fools who think all of South India is medras). Every year, for those five years, I was taken to Guindy Zoo for my class excursion. I suppose I liked Guindy Zoo enough, it was better than no excursion. Dirty bloody zoo.

So one of these excursions, I run off to go see the crocodiles. My friend and I are peeping over the top of the wall trying to spot the creature in the stinking mess. Then it moves, quite suddenly, right under us.

We shriek, run, promptly fall into a thorn bush and get poked. Well, she got a thorn rammed into her leg, I got some scrapes (they were stingy scrapes, but still nothing like getting a thorn rammed into my leg I suppose). So the teacher gives her a hug, yells at me and says she is disappointed in me (because I chose to run into a thorn bush) and drags me over to the bus.

I felt like a fool