end of psychogirl.

starting up a brand new day

I have so much work to do and no will to do it. Any post I write now is going to sound like I've been locked up in a dungeon to be released to the lions. Um. or some such thing. As you might have made out from the last post. Hum.

Now and then I decide to start my life over. I am yet to succeed. Not that my life sucks that I need to, but I suppose a general desire for change has crept in. This coming from a person who detests change. But, well, I turned a new age recently (ahem) and I think its time to turn over a new leaf and maybe finally grow up.

Boring as that sounds. Its time to kiss psychogirl goodbye. Ok maybe a pat on the back will do.

Pat*

tired of talking to Mr. E
tired of telling him how I feel
tired of asking him where to be
tired, more tired than you would believe

tired of thinking of ways to breathe
tired of being tied to the seat
by strings of my heart, by strings of deceit
tired, so tired I'll admit defeat

tired of wondering how he feels
Mr. E, I'm tired you see
tired of worrying of when you will leave
tired, oh tired of you and me.

two souls

.

why talk about two when there are so many

these two are linked in ways so many

these two are doomed by lies so many

in the realm of insanity like so many



These two souls that i speak of

they come from hearts broken and reek of

sadness and blindness and a mix of

love and dreams and hope of



a future, which stopped meaning to be.



.

dawn.

There are no new days,
and we are, forced to live to see our love die
and we are, forced to cry to save our own lies
and we are, forced to see through worlds of glass

There are no new days, while there is memory.

I would like a drink

pour me something
keep it sweet and cold.
get me high
let me speak
when I tire myself out
carry me home

Introducing: alter ego.

(Found this in my drafts folder. Weird, I don't remember it at all. Someone said its like I have "an intense alter ego". It could also be that I am crazy/ or dont relate to stuff I write. Yes, I can suck the romance out of life. Anyway, here it is.)

Let me into your world,
I know you exist, I know you are real
It is time now I know it, I can feel it
See right through this dream into you

Your world is mine too

Let me into your world,
Is there really no fear there, no demons no lies,
No need to place your life elsewhere,
Where it does not belong, with who

Your world is mine too

I shall cry, a tantrum I shall throw,
You have taken away from me what I cherish most.
How would you feel, do you want my place here.
But how can I be, without you

Your world is mine too

doodle bar.

wonderful weather, come to shankar's with me?

I
in her world of sleep and sound
lost in her world, of sleep and sound
in her own world, her very own,
just lost, without wanting to be found,
by me.

II
there are books, there is money, plenty
immerse yourself, in your empty,
room.
think twice, is this what you want,
to live without what youve got.
In secrets, in layers, never to be discovered,
by me.

III
And you smile, but not at me
and i know you will be there, just not with me
looks like i need you, but cannot ask
instead ill walk with you, in a dream woven true,
by me.

IV
she says, "wonderful weather.."
out loud, or in her mind, it does not matter.

Fly off a building, land to meet death

Speak harsh words, cause hurt and regret

If thats what it takes, to see

The wonder, it is to be

Free

Go ahead, start your own band

Take a walk, have some juice

Think of all the things, you wanna do

Life lets you, lets you decide

When you cease to live, while still alive

.

There are some rules, if you care

If you don't, well, they're still there

Find a corner, if you seek to hide,

Life lets you, lets you decide

bucket

Alright Universe, I got it. This time I got it, really.
I understand that you do not intend me to ever have any of my plans executed to perfection.
So, I should, ideally, stop making these plans and go with the flow. Yes, I got it.
You've now made it wonderfully RIN SUPREME clear that I am never going to get anything if I want it that much already. I have finally comprehended that I will never have a say in where life takes me.

Yup.
Youve emptied your big blue bucket of water over my head.
Though drenched, and unhappy about being wet, I really do Get It.

Zero Mile Stone

for those interested, this is what the zero mile stone looks like. Its kept like a dump and smells like a dump. But i wasnt complaining. (much)

Wonderbot

I had the most amazing cheesecake.
I had oranges.
I got to dress up in my new clothes.
I got to go to nagpur and see the zeromilestone. Which marks the center of British India.
I got to swing, on a swing.
I had nice italian salad.
I got to stay in a single room, with attached bathroom for three days.
I spoke to a hoopler. for a long time, and laughed a lot.
I got chacha chaudhary stamps. (free with the books) (some triangular ones also)
I am going home this weekend.

Wonderbot.

हिन्दी मे वार्तालाप

मेरा नाम वीना है। मैं नाल्सर नाम के एक महाविद्यालय मैं पद्थी हूँ।
कम्बक्थ इश्क है जो, सारा जहाँ है वह। येः ही येः । येः ही येः।

अब मैं चलती हूँ।
धन्यवाद।

me

I go to the terrace whenever i feel unhappy.
I play music (carefully chosen) really loudly, sometimes on repeat, and i walk up and down.
This is when I've hit an all-time low.

I then stand up next to the railings, hold on and look up to the sky.
It is invariably filled with diamonds
The wind invariably goes wild

Thats when I feel special,
Thats who I turn to,
Thats how i get happy again.

Psychogirl - the making of

The thing is,
she cannot forgive and forget.
In fact,
she can Neither forgive Nor forget.

Therein lies why she is miserable, and psycho.
Therein also lies the reason why you should stay the hell away from her.

Jigsaw.

Some people claim that they were born mothers, wives, girlfriends, their life is a map and then there are others who are none of the above. They were born messed in the head and lost from the start. It is probably easier to cope with life as it has made itself out to be in this day and age if you belong to the latter category than the former. There is no scope for order, and there is lesser scope for expectation. The former are invariably filled with expectations, the chances of their lives ending in disappointment and an overflowing sadness is higher. Much higher.



Fall into the world, long for nothing.

(ancient chinese proverb)



I belong to the former category. I belong with order, plans and purpose. They seem to avoid me.

My life is not chaotic, no that would be too strong. My life is just taking its own damn course, and leaving me out.



I have plenty of ideas for cards and gifts and rooms and museums and gardens and posters and cds and love. They fit in my plan, my plan doesn't fit thats all. Call me - ill lend them to you.



Goodnight.

flood

I would, if I could..

Create so much beauty.
draw it, paint it, sculpt it, make it.
do whatever it takes, to ensure
your eyes smile, crinkle and cry

Create such music, hum it sing it
fill your surroundings, your life with it.
do whatever it takes, to ensure
you sigh, for otherwise your heart would burst

Create such flavour, make your head swim
get you guacamole, if guacamole is what you want
do whatever it takes, to ensure
you eat enough to sleep nice

I would fill your head with love, make your troubles
disappear.
do whatever it takes, to ensure
your smile stays warm

I would flood your senses if I could

listen

I place my dreams with you
in the hope that you can keep them alive

with me they get entangled with reason,
and eventually die.

creak.

From far, much too far
he tugs at her heart
working dreams of twisted futures
to merge and rip their worlds apart

They were meant for this, unless
the universe conspires

Then there are games we play,
through slippery nights and dragging days
stopping time at times to think
to think and drive our dreams away

We were meant for this, unless
the universe conspires