I bought a dupatta today

It took me twenty minutes to get a cab to go to the shop

It took me thirty minutes to choose from very many dupattas the shop had to offer

But I believe I have found the dupatta I was looking for

Well they said buy it or leave now, we shut at eight

Nice dupatta still

Then I made the mistake of taking a cab home.

I got stuck in traffic. For hours

It was very hot and I was very tired

The cab was pretty stinky.

Some people find the word stinky pretty cute

What, its true. There are people who do.

I happen to be one of those people.

HA.

Stinky. Hello there little stinky.

Its a pretty cute word, I could have a dog named stinky.

I won't have a dog, so that's ok.

Really felt like getting some nonsense out of my head and system.

Feels good to have somewhere to put it anyway.

I never really like getting rid of anything completely

credit

what a grumpy old

what a complete bore

let's all move from this here anonymous

let's try a frame and some pose

smile like you don't mean it, it smiles more

gather your horses and some goat

just some goat

try me for some fun, try her on for size

she fits you like a rubber duck

I mean she doesn't

what do you want me to say darling

i make sense but we don't

i make good sambar but you don't

don't jump out the window and ruin my view

clean my fan instead, please

i just cannot bring myself to do it, and the dirt is all over my bed

clean my fan, so I don't worry

for my white sheets and curtains

the cushions can go rot.

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

Hello pretty yellow flowers

Uh oh

Watch out for the yellow lady

watch out for Mala

and out they go

Don't smile yet

She'll come for you tomorrow

****

(photos taken on a Wednesday afternoon at home)

No harm done

It was not the first time she’d allowed her mind to take her to another world;

the trip always familiar and comforting.

She knew her heart and mind had conspired and created these parallels to her life,

assuring her that these worlds would stay in her head,

that they would buffer her sanity, absorb the hit when it hit.

The point was forgotten, that after one visit too many

the very heart and mind which helped create these so-called guardian lies;

her safety nets and happy place,

would stand confused.

Reality always seeking to escape into imagination.

There was harm done, there was help needed

Who is now going to convince her.

Who knew anymore, which worlds were built and which ones were run away from.

Day dreaming is not for the weak,

addictive and just out of reach.

Wear your armour and approach with caution.

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

dust and dead electronics.

glassy romance

Meet my 3d glasses with spunk. Rowdy fellow

so when that didn't work out, he went for my Fabulous brown ones.

Well, they are fcuk glasses.

holidaymorning

Do vampire dogs go voof?

Nokia should use the fact that everyone thinks their phones are unbreakable - in their ads - to their advantage.

I wish my landlord would let me drill nails on my wall.

He’s got such a weird face.

I’m sure someone out there has made an entire dress out of tape.

What am I going to accomplish by getting out of bed now anyway. Nothing.

Maybe I should have food and go to five gardens.

Alone?

Why didn’t more people like Alice by Burton. Fools

If 3d movies are so cool, why are the glasses so dorky. (Mental note: Never go for 3d movies with boys I like, or let them watch me eat a burger. Ever.)

Have a nice Saturday guys.

Wherefore art thou, red typewriter

I have wanted a red typewriter for quite a few years now. I have wanted a typewriter since I can remember. My uncle, a lawyer in Chennai, used to have a number of typewriters in his house/office. My cousin, the said uncle’s son, never let me touch them.

Subsequently, said uncle, got a number of computers and chucked all but one typewriter. It was now my cousin’s turn to not let me touch any of the computers, but ah, now I could finally clickety away at the typewriter. This was a large, grey and ancient typewriter. The pages would invariably jam after every five lines. I loved it. I loved the font and I loved the feel. They got rid of the typewriter as well. Or was it that we just stopped visiting them.

In any case, I’m certain its gone now.

***

So sometime mid-way through college I realised that I still wanted a typewriter. Of course, to mark my newly acquired ‘taste’, I now specifically wanted a shiny red typewriter. Not that I would complain, (well I would complain, but very silently and guiltily) if I got a typewriter of another colour. Why a red one?

Look here, I've placed a photo of the thing right up at the beginning. It’s a beauty that’s why.

So I decided I wanted one quite badly. Then, you might wonder, is it really that difficult to get ones hands on a nice shiny red typewriter? Well, I would not know. I don’t suppose anything would be too difficult once you set your mind to it.

Next question, um, so why have you not gone and bought yourself one if you want it so bad?

Well, I have preserved it for romance. I have kept it there allowing an opportunity for romance. If you don’t understand, here – I am waiting for someone special to buy it for me, and when that happens it would be the most romantic gift ever. Now that that’s stuck in my head, even if I did find the thing somewhere, I would probably pretend I didn’t see it.

That is where the Disney princess syndrome kicks in. I expect everyone who loves me to treat me like I am f.ing Jasmine from Aladdin. What I fail to note is that none of these Disney girls ever seem to have to demand romance, it is given to them freely and selflessly. For they are more beautiful than the lone shining star in the deep limitless night. When they smile, the world stops turning. Her laughter is like the gurgling hoo ha dee dah bazoonka. Well not quite, but you get the drift.

Alright, let’s say mine is not a world-stopper smile. It is relatively photogenic yes, but possibly prettiest when fake. I am not the lone shining star of anything. I get cranky, angry, scream, swear, trip, drop food on myself and can’t sing. If I do sing, no birds come flitting my way. In any case, I don’t like birds coming too close to me. They freak me out. (They have claws and are fluttery. shudder). So having established I’m not princess Jasmine, or any of the others, does it automatically mean I cannot be the supremely most important thing in someones life?

Ok I have digressed. End point, I love gifts. If you love me, you buy me gifts. Gifts that I love.

Wherefore art thou, red typewriter. Where, romance. Come here soon, do not make me come get you, you will not like it.

DISCLAIMER: (For I am a lawyer, and we must do this) [This is not me asking everyone who reads my blog to buy me stuff. Remember, you do not love me. This is not me saying my boy sitting there somewhere does not buy me stuff. He does, and they’re super. This is just me explaining why I have not bought my typewriter yet.]

please to see

This is an email I received from a complete stranger. Made my day. You cannot make this stuff up. I have copy-pasted the email here - word-by-word original stuff my friends.

GP Sharma t o pssreekanth, me

pl note the cell no. of L.Ganesan S/o Lakshmana sastrigal of malkaji giri who is son-in-law of my friend Ramachadra is working in good position in computer company near india councilate bldg. you can meet him with my introduction. if he can help you anyway he may do it. his cell 00971504524004 at Dubai

2. another one friend Mr. Pavan of hyderabad is running a industry at Dubai. he can also help you for contact him with my introduction as told by kannan. or request Krishna od Chigago whise email is tk@iyka.com

these are for your information.

affly chitta

Life does have its moments of pure unadulterated genius. Pure unadulterated (possibly) unintentional genius. I jumped up and down a bit, then forwarded this to a couple of friends who immediately proclaimed their undying love for me. It made their day too.

Enjoy Nagamani.

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

Here are some photos I got out of my cousin's wedding which I like enough to put up here. I am the very sentimental type, and it does show in a lot of stuff I write, photograph or draw. These are the less mushy more anonymous ones of the nine hundred photos I took at the wedding.

Yes, well.

flower massacre - just post wedding

Excursion

I did lower kindergarten to third standard in this school called Chinmaya Vidyalaya in Chennai, Tamil Nadu (for those fools who think all of South India is medras). Every year, for those five years, I was taken to Guindy Zoo for my class excursion. I suppose I liked Guindy Zoo enough, it was better than no excursion. Dirty bloody zoo.

So one of these excursions, I run off to go see the crocodiles. My friend and I are peeping over the top of the wall trying to spot the creature in the stinking mess. Then it moves, quite suddenly, right under us.

We shriek, run, promptly fall into a thorn bush and get poked. Well, she got a thorn rammed into her leg, I got some scrapes (they were stingy scrapes, but still nothing like getting a thorn rammed into my leg I suppose). So the teacher gives her a hug, yells at me and says she is disappointed in me (because I chose to run into a thorn bush) and drags me over to the bus.

I felt like a fool

Photo of the (Wednes)day

Don't think I forgot.

Forget that I almost did.

Here is my photo of the day for this Wednesday which will be done soon.

Bombay, have I told you lately that I love you?

Goodnight

allow me, pope

There is no such thing as eternal sunshine, falls well as there is no spotless mind.
Then why blame my spotty spotted thought, and all its simple spottered rhymes.
Then why blame me for spot filled actions, for pure white truth spattered with lies.
My tears are not a thing of beauty, don’t look at me with your spotless sight
We are not eternal yet, our love may still lose without a fight
Do not believe in eternal sunshine, but do keep faith in your spotted mind

bombay lesson #1

you have your headphones on, you're in a dingy taxi, there's a beautiful song playing.
you see the old and well adjusted buildings, homes of millions, streaming past you outside.
you roll down the window, the wind hits your face and races through your hair.
you are flying high.

DO NOT FORGET YOURSELF AND INHALE DEEPLY.

you do forget yourself, forget that you are in Bombay, and inhale deep in an attempt to take in all that the situation in its poetic moment has to offer.
you choke, roll up with window, tear off the headphones and ride the rest of the way in stony silence.

here we say - sights, sounds and distinctive smells of Bombay.

come on in

An integral part of my existence and component of my happiness is wrapped around day dreaming and creating imaginary worlds. I enjoy both immensely. In fact, my friend R and I became quite close over our common love for day dreaming and most of my other friends have been subject to my relationship with my imagination.

This post in the usual style of dark-or-sad that plagues most of my entries should ideally end with me saying, oh but I have lost the will to dream. Thankfully, I have not. Not in the least.

Growing up, and post, I have always had a sufficient number of friends. To talk to, play, gossip and laugh or cry with, as the situation commands. However, my closest friends have always been the imaginary ones (honestly, this could be because I hardly get along well with anyone who is not me). These guys have filled in every gap I have in the past found, and do presently find, in my life. They have been built by my mind to be true, faithful and discerning. They are careful to enter only when I need them terribly, so as to not have me label myself as someone in serious need of psychological help.

The day dreams are different. The imaginary folk never enter my day dreams, helping keep it real. They know well enough that I depend on these day dreams to get me through rocky or steadily boring phases and having them play a role would destroy hope. Hope is a necessary element for my day dreams, to believe they will come true one day. I find it impossible to dream of impossibles. I need basis, I have logic following through pillar to pillar as I carefully, and painstakingly, construct my day dreams.

There is your insight into my mind for the day. I shall end it with very good advice - yes I do say so myself - always have a few imaginary friends and do invest some of your time in day dreams. You must create meaning for your life, it will not present itself to you.

Photo of the (Wednes)day

It was time for a new look. I wish blogger let you do a bit more though. Actually maybe it does, I just don't know how to do a bit more. I have decided to put up some photos randomly taken from here and there on my blog from time to time. I'd like to say I'll make it a wednesday thing, but knowing me that would only ensure that it doesn't ever become a wednesday thing. So let's see.

Here is a photo. Have a great wednesday.

long live.

Mine is a doomed generation

Where words sound hollow and sex rules high

Guilt once stepped in so easily, into our minds,

Now it dare not enter our corrupt lives

We live guilt free, fault free, will free

Our minds, with minds of their own drive

Drive us into numb days and numb nights

We have achieved independence,

Not from fear, but from feelings

masochism

Run fast and hard, leave it all behind

There is more poetry in her hair, than there is in her lies

Run fast and hard, to be a willing sacrifice

You may never smile again,

Leave your laugh behind

You have been delivered your girl

Let her rule your life, mark your end and blow your mind.

the takeover code, in love

In life, in love, we need the takeover code, as much as we do in law.

Why?

You can have creeping acquisitions, but whenever your feelings for someone cross certain thresholds, it is best you make public announcements and where necessary, offers. Else, it might be construed as a hostile takeover attempt by the target who would then proceed to get you, and your foolish heart, into a lot of trouble.

While you suffer with the penalty, the target would get rescued by a white knight.

What can I say?

[apologies to those who have no idea what the takeover code is]

(wasn't quite done)

my dear mango, you are so juicy

so very squeezy

theres no excuse

for you to not be in my hands right now

my sweet mango, whether alphonso

or banganapalli

you are so lovely

so divine

oh sweet mango,

please

please

be mine.

ode to mango

oh sweet mango

where are you

when is the season to see you

to cut you up

into small sunshiney bits

and eat you

oh sweet sweet

mango

dip dip dip

You would like me to make you a paper boat

One that never sinks

One that can withstand the sea, the storm

One that never sinks

I am not here to build that boat

I am not capable, and wont

For all our ships do sink

I will not let you drown

I am here to help you swim

show time

Come watch me I’m your puppet master

and I have a booth on the side for mind games

Come tip in your coin and take a seat

I will not make you wait

Watch me as I take my wooden dolls

In wooden lives and frames

Watch me smile as I pretend they cry

and all the words I fake

They flow out easier

than truth has ever done

Watch me make these puppets dance sir

the gift is god given

The puppets I treat like you would too

But only to me are they

Puppets in the sense of the term

the toys with which you play

They believe they are real boys

and real girls and say

This fucking puppet master he

fucks with our lives all day

All day all night his wish his whim

We dance make merry

He weaves our story

Our time will come

Our time will come

We will make him pay

I was born vindictive, selfish and strong

To control my love, control your life

Not one exception, the world my stage

and all its people in my puppet play

Come watch me I’m your puppet master

sweet.nothings.

If you’re going to treat me this cheap

At least pay me, throw some cash in my face

I might be cheap, but I don’t come cheap

No sir.

No kind, no kindness, just cash

Give me money, and then tear me apart

Be my lover then, I’ll play cheap

Plot my freedom, while you sleep

fly

Q&A

Q:

What do you call a V without chinese food?

A:

A V who wants chinese food.

___

I love chinese food.

unhappy joke

call me a joker, squeeze my red nose.
laugh and point, call me a fool
steal my true love, but don't steal my jokes
they're all that I have, they're what I hold close
to defend myself from, those I love most.
as they laugh
point
and squeeze my red nose

valentine

Here's the valentines day card I made and sent my valentine. Combination of a photo-taking trip to the Gateway of India (Prem Ramchandani Marg) and Picasa.

Bring on the Romance

would you like to change your life around

rally your senses, get them all in line

send them out, send them all out

in search of romance

here are a few places it is usually hidden,

at least, where I have managed to hunt it down

The Old

beautiful old buildings, sometimes the mouldier, dingier, ricketier, creeper-ridden, the better. Sunlight loves beautiful old buildings, how it falls on them is a world different from how it falls on anything else, greets them like an old friend and is reluctant to leave.

_______

old movies, whether you prefer english, hindi, or in my case tamil, there is nothing in this world that can pull at the strings of the heart like an old movie. A time different from ours always brings out wistfulness, which is a strong and large component of romance. In old (tamil) movies, life was always simple, and the problem which drives the main plot of the movie was mostly singular, straightforward, and easily understood. There was this actor called Shivaji Ganeshan. He is one of my all-time favourite actors, and when he died I cried. His acting was always understood by everyone as 'over-acting'.

Yes, he exaggerated. But therein lies the romance. If he cried, he Cried. When he felt love, the pain and happiness was written harsh across his face. When he was dying, oh how he dies. Yet, there was always class. In those movies, there was always class. The emotions were the highlight, and they were exaggerated as highlights should be.

There is romance hidden in these movies, sometimes where you least expect to find it. Watch one, look at their roads, look at their cars, look at the clothes on the people walking by. See how the shops looked, see how an actress (who at this day and age would be cut down for her figure, or lack of one) shines with such beauty, even you would write her poetry. See what she does armed only with her eyes and her smile. How simple it was for her to be perfect. How simple it was for life to be perfect. You long for it, there is your romance. My favourite actress in tamil cinema is Padmini, and she was beautiful in her movies.

As for comedy, there was nagesh. Looks were never on his side, but I don't believe there is another actor, nor any other person, who has made me laugh half as much as he has. He was not just a comedian, he was a wonderful actor, who has made me cry just as much. He died as well recently, and meeting him before he did was high up on my wish-list. He fell sick, just as that meeting looked like a possibility. and I cried.

The music, ah. I lack the ability to describe any of this any further, and I have not done justice so far. But it has to be said.

_____

old photos, of anything, anyone. Have you seen how they were so careful as to how they looked, because a photograph was rare, and it was treated with respect. Years from now, they knew and felt, they'd be remembered as they looked, in these few photographs. Most sit solemn, most sit in studios, well dressed, well arranged and pretty. I do not have very many with me, but there is this one old photo of my grandfather, with my aunt and uncle. I love this photo.

____________

The New

New age photography, new art, new writing. While the old ones hold my interest for wist, the new ones blow my mind with the creativity so evident behind them, how transparent they render the artist's mind. The capacity to create beauty has always existed, but in new art I find identity and boldness of a quality I have not found otherwise. At least, which I have not identified with the way I do now.

_________

Disney. Yes, that is my one stop shop for a quickie romance injection. Not the movies, the animation. It can fill my heart up, make me feel young and standing strong against the incredible rush of hope that invariably floods in, when all ends well, when love creates magic and saves you.

True, life is not exactly how they put it in these movies. But I would never say they were misleading.

__

for me simple is beautiful, simple is romantic

anything simple makes me happy,

but my heart and mind tirelessly lead me away from simple.

while drama is exciting, it sure as hell is not romantic.

time to wake up.

here is a morning that has seen no night

the night is her lover, and they've had a fight

and she fought so hard, and morning is always right

harsh, insistent, ever so bright

the night so elusive, it hardly stays

and that is the morning's only complaint

how can we make this work, she says

whenever I come around, you slink away.

and when my morning, has seen no night

my world turns bleary,

my head turns heavy

my heart is wounded, so easily

my eyes they cry, at touch at sight

all so sensitive, my morning's had a fight.

Advertising might be my calling,

could be what I'm made for after all.

Could have changed the world,

but I might have cut the call.

ha

AM.

I woke up at 6.45 am.

I woke up because someone loved me enough to wake up and wake my flatmate up and make her wake me up at 6.45 am.

I got ready to get to work at 6.45 am.

I am at work at 7.15 am.

Sleep might mean nothing to you,

but it means the world to me.

flake.

Don’t ask me to stop pretending,

Then there would be nothing left of me

Not one emotion, not one smile

you will miss me

Honesty, my friend, is overrated.

a muse.

She returns to her room, drops her bag, falls onto her bed and looks at the fan spinning slowly. Far too slowly, must get up, make it move faster. When its hot, she feels cold.

I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her. And she’s so cold.

Who did these people sing to or sing of in these songs. She placed the song in her mind, and sang inside. Imagined herself the muse of some rockstar. Must be quite a rush.

Closed her eyes

Damned if you won’t, come back to me and Damned if you do, forcing me to see

You aren’t really who, I think you to be Or maybe it is I, who isn’t really me.

Maybe you don’t need a muse. All you need is someone to push and shove your heart a bit. It starts bleeding music. Sometimes cheap, sometimes beautiful.

book

How to deal with being Evil.

No no

How to deal with being Evil, for dummies.

That would be a ‘good-buy’ book. Now, to just wait for someone to write it.

sunday, spent

my curtains were being poetic today

light with sunlight

humsafar

tum bhi suffer?

ten minutes of thought explained

-Scared myself silly in my lodge room in Latur last night. Its one of those 'medimix packets, starchy towels, stainy sheets, we're-on-a-pilgrimage, do-not check behind the thick velvet curtains' rooms.

-Exercise might not be my enemy, but fat is now my friend. Even if I bitch about it, I wont actively get rid of it. no.

-Imagined screaming at a partner who in my head was screaming at me. In reality he has no idea who I am. good good.

-I like feeling 'cool' in my head. I think up a lot of situations (day dream) and conjure up great 'show-stopping' actions and words, delivered by me. There's applause sometimes. Long live the spirit of rajnikanth in me.

-I'm not sure if stepping out at 1 in the night in a place like Latur puts a girl in the 'stupid' category or 'brave' category or what. It's sad that it would have to be put in some category. If I said it was to watch pyaar impossible, would your answer change?

-Sometimes I think I might not be able to scream when attacked. Sometimes I think I might scream, just, middle of class or office and then I have to physically shut my mouth to stop myself.

-Caramel custard, when made right and served right, is pretty beautiful.

see.

Thinking straight when your life is going in circles will only make you dizzy.

Eating a lot when your life is going in circles will make you nauseous. You will also become fat.

what?

be mine

don't think twice,

don't think.

just come be mine,

we'll find ourselves a place in this world, whole wide

I'm your rajnikanth, please be my jujube.

it wont be as easy, but come be mine.

split

You're shivering all over, that can't be good. Just calm down.

Easy for you to say.

Have a smoke? Here, take a nice long drag, and let it all out.

I think I might be allergic to cigarettes. I'd throw up.

Well, maybe at first. Overcome that shit, here

No, I think I'm better now. I need some food.

There's some shit lying around in the fridge, been around forever though.

Hmm. I'll take some water.

So, where did you fuck up.

I did NOT.

Ok, ok. ok

so what do we do with this guy

well?

I'm Thinking.

Right.

He made me feel so small, so fucking useless.

Mm.. so he had it coming, got it. got it. Dont worry about it

I'm Not worried. God.

this will be a happy new year, even as it grows old

it isn't called the year of the wonderbot for no reason.

she lived life on the edge,

then life surprised her with death

shove

snicker

So i got sick, and the world turned grey

The sun got silent, in those silent rays

I got worse, and thought decayed

And I just waited, for that one day

Where you sing to me, my love my love

Of those lazy dreams and violent words

Of where we’ll be years from now

That I will not die, not without you

crush

Its very hard to crush a thought

you’ve let grow in your mind, and crawl into your heart

ARGHHHH ARGH AGHR AGHRGHSGSHG SHG'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa.AAAAAA.

FUCK

dont fall for it, but do

find my stupid smile

let it lead your way

waste you make you drown

take your breath away

its just a stupid smile

you know trained to be fake

it'll wash away in some time

and you'll wish you could make it stay

hit me hard

hit me with a high

12 shots and 1 drag

hit me with your smile

5 calls and 1 night

hit me with all you've got

all it takes to make me see

You're the one, You're my god

break me baby with all you've got

its true love not make believe

drag me down to your car

make me drive close my eyes

"crash and burn, who cares, you're mine"

crash and burn, hit me hard

its true love and alcohol

Ctrl F

it would be very useful if I could just Ctrl F my life and

find the word I'm looking for.

try me

I'm a lazy person and I don't want to work

I dont want to work out. I dont want to go out.

I dont want to outdo. I dont want to do that

dont dont dont dont

cant shan't wont

its my party and i'll cry if i want to

my body my art i will tear if i want to

its my mind, abuse it i shall

with memories and fantasies. think what i gave up

what i wish i never had

think think think dream burn ache

till all the tears run dry

i value my mind, but abuse it i shall

my generation

when I die, what will you do

with my facebook profile

would you still write on my wall

tag me in photos

poke me? send me flowers?

what will you do.

hack into it, and terminate.

say goodbye.

you wont, you wont write on my wall

you wont know what to do.

Would you spare me some change?

I believe I have locked myself into a circle

I stop at a point I started at, or

Start at a point I stopped at last.

The world repeats itself, and it makes me dizzy

Would you spare me some change?

Change my world around

Would you pull me along as you take

Your fresh new life for a round

Care to join me for a walk?

All day long, people around me talk

So do I, and far too much

Care to join me for a walk?

A trot, a jump, a dance

working the office space

you were the last high

where should I go now, after you've entered my mind

what were fantasies in what was an exaggerated world, gone but back now

you were the last high

you were the last high

don't come back, you know you will but where would we go

where can I take you today, what shall we do

shall we dance, shall we head to that dark corner in my head

feeling shame can wait

enough now, you were the last high

you are the last high

harmless, unharmed we exist in my mind

harmless, its harmless and now not, enough now

nothing else compares

confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks
and my
life in a coldplay song, don't feel shy do sing along
where my
my days now lead, and how time does bleed
i'm not
not part of the cure, am I a part of the disease

singin..

argh
.

and when the world turns poetic around, it feels like the end is near

stand

so I leave home tomorrow, to go find myself a house
in this big exciting? new city, to start work
to be responsible, to grow up, to wake up
and smell the stinky air.

to yawn loudly and upset the neighbours, if I find a house
to cook and not burn many south indian delicacies
to take late night cab rides
to use a quilt in 38degrees
to buy new green sunglasses, made of actual glass
to celebrate my 23rd birthday
to stalk shahrukhkhan or just eat bhel

I'm not too sure what to expect, so

Ancient Chinese Proverb #2

Expect little, get little - smile a sad knowing smile
Expect lots, get little - feel like a damned fool

what?

hum

while the cutie is away, the cats shall play
and then they get bored, they miss the cutie
they go "cutie, cutie, come back", sigh

they await the return of the cutie

hitch

So, where would you like to get off?

I don't know.

What do you mean?

You look pretty.

Thank you, um. Well, when will you know?

Your hair smells nice.

Yes, well, when will you know?

Know what?

Ok, please get out.

why?

You frighten me. Please go.

If I said no.. there isn't much you can do.

Please

no..

fun

What sounds like fun? Dancing the night away.
I don't mind, I'd like to try. Even if it isn't, it is still fun to say
I danced the night away

drama queen

my tears are not true
they simply make me pretty
I cry, sometimes I weep
but I do to make me pretty

my tears are as transparent as they are transparent
they are salty, make me pretty
hysterically I wail
but just to make me pretty

what can I say, my face now knows
crying suits me, so bring on the woes

And the Universe delivers

Well, here's a sense of satisfaction. Its been one of those weeks where the Universe decides that you're too slow for the hidden lessons of life and comes right out and teaches you a few things, like a big fat slap on the face would teach you to.. well a big fat slap might teach you just about anything.

See, the Universe usually goes -

let her learn patience from the sun which shines endlessly;
let her learn of generosity from the candle which burns to give light to others, while destroying itself; etc.

However, when you go on ignoring these subtle hints and valuable lessons long enough, things start getting clearer, more direct. You hear all these stories, see all these frighteningly real things - and a lot of the factors involved strike you as having a close resemblance to those arising out of some of your more undesirable characteristics - for example


let her learn that her hysterical behavior will cause her husband (if she ever marries) to leave her and take up tai chi classes in Guilin and her children (if she ever has any) to grow up as wife-beaters from her screaming aunt;
let her learn that if she talks about people behind their backs long enough she will have no one left to talk to from her ex-best friend; and so forth.

So, its been that sort of a week. No, I cannot list out what I've been taught in the espresso shots lesson time by the Universe. Suffice it to say, it was refreshing and well - timed.

Meet a relatively improved ME.

keys

1. Always, always, own your own set of keys;
2. Do Not hand out too many copies to lovers, to friends, to family or neighbours.
3. If you do Not follow No. 2 - do Not then complain about having anything stolen or broken.

disfigured recognition

Someone she held close to her heart had gotten erased from her memory. It might have been because she requested it to be done, or it might have been involuntary. Hardly the point seeing as the end result remains that she does not remember him, and therefore she will not know whether this was what she wanted or not.

So now he comes along in her reality and her dreams, and she does not recognise him. However, fate being ever so sadistic, leaves her with an uneasy sense of familiarity and sadness. She wonders what this sense could be. Being a romantic, she believes it to be love from another time.

She eventually kills herself, because whether it was love from another time or not, it was not love now and this shadow memory fate left her with only frightened her and caused her to weep.

She liked to believe she had control over her mind, when that turned out to be false, she took her own life; it was simply too confusing, too much of a bother to breathe to give life to a mind which had a life of its own, and then where was she?Her soul had been cut in half. It was done, it was a mess and all very confusing. Now shes no more, so lets leave it at that.

on sexual harassment

its tough to define exactly to what extent the actions/words of men can amount to sexual harassment of a woman. The same actions/words by a friend may be forgiven, but coming from someone else might still be harassment. Sometimes, if it does not quite amount to harassment, sadly, its the only thing you can term the horrible thing done/said to get any sort of response from an entirely incapable-of-understanding majority in society.

From personal experience, men seldom, if ever, understand what comprises sexual harassment unless its in a form which slaps you in the face. The anger hurt fear and shame a girl feels when it does happen to her, make it very hard to miss when it does happen. We had a lesson in our sociology course, a class which most people in my class couldn't quite follow, that it is very hard to chalk out the same idea of 'modesty' for every girl - it does differ - so when it comes to outraging a girl's modesty, its very hard to determine when it has been done and when not.

Anyway, I was talking about anger, hurt, fear and shame - very strong emotions - not always translating into strong actions by the girl concerned though. Sometimes, fear or shame is overpowering so we shut up. Sometimes the hurt is overpowering so we cry. And sometimes, the anger is overpowering and we react.

Now, Noone can judge when a girl who has been through such an episode, whether in your eyes it amounts to sexual harrassment or just harmless teasing, has anger, hurt, fear or shame overpowering her. Sometimes, women who have been raped only have the principal element of fear or shame and cannot file a complaint. Sometimes, what maybe construed as harmless teasing, over years of feeling helpless or turning ones back, can allow anger to be overpowering.

If she reacts, and you havent the slightest clue how it feels to be in a position where you feel the way she does then, you shut the hell up. You dont judge. You dont criticise. You dont support. You dont argue. You cannot begin to have the slightest clue, so you shut the hell up.

Its always easy to comment- shouldve complained, or in the other hand, she shouldve not made such a big deal out of something - its personal, complicated and beyond your understanding, whether youre a girl or a boy- honestly, you cannot ever know for sure, so you shut up.

oh happy day

Even though no shopping got done, today has been a good day.
An incredible feeling of satisfaction with life, myself and apple candy.
The trip from city to Shamirpet has never been this beautiful, window seat in the bus, the temple on the way never looked this serene, the weather was lovely and the smell of rain on earth my constant companion for the trip, the neat army houses with large verandahs and yards, the abandoned white building with the prettiest doorway, everything was beautiful, even at peace.
I have very few days left in this college, and I intend to enjoy my time here my way, which is suddenly brilliantly clear to me.

driftythought

Playing a lot of NFS makes me look at all roads differently - dont drink and drive - also dont play NFS and drive.

Pens always go missing before exam days - so does the penseller sometimes.

My phone battery has suddenly gone suicidal on me - and I love my phone.

My haldirams 'tasty treats' packet has remained opened and lying around for more than a week - its still yummy.

(ok its actually 'tasty nuts')

I think Radha is a lovely name - and Karna - but I don't know if I'd name any kid of mine Karna - what if he has terrible luck? - But he might also be the nicest person ever.

Absolut.
Absolut..

I miss my grandfather

hungry.. today's lunch isn't one of the best.

OH wait! its the cool fried ladysfingers

ok bye

Goa Words

• Danza!
• Jamaai
• Spilt-Lumamba
• Strange-man-photo
• Teeth-banging
  
• Tip-rejecting-bastardfaces
• Rose-buds
  
• drunken-test-driving
• 'CHASCAA'
• Activa
• Fort-graffiti
• Not-so-Rajbhag
• Jumpy-Holdy-Waves
  
• Happiness
  
• Giant-Man-Monkey
  
• Vegetarian-mushroom-burger-from-hell
• Holi-crap
• Savior-tide
  
• 'PEOPLE'
• NYU
• Crabby-patch
• One-man-show
  
• Manchurian
  
• Orange-juice-from-heaven
  
• English-Breakfast
• Farewell-dress
• Turtle-search
• Jaws-self-scare
  
• Cuba
• MTV-pharmacist
  
• Homie, Homes, Homibaba a.k.a. Pubby
• Himesh (R)
• Salty-dog
• White-russian
• Jump-up-and-kiss-me
• Golden-fried-squid
  
• Sheep-people
• Purple-yeti-people
• Llama-purple-people

The trip was lovely and well worth the wait :)

International Humanitarian Law (Irony)

IHL is driving me crazy
its so dry and crappy
I take one look at the book and feel lazy
So I close it and feel quite happy

Oh, IHL
why be the bane of my life
Oh, IHL
why make me feeeelll... like stabbingmyselfrepeatedlywitha knife