possibly not

I want to fall asleep
in the sun light that settles in my balcony

letting it warm me, even burn me

just a bit

but

stillness is an effort

my mind and my body

so easily overwhelmed, so constantly frustrated

what is it

everything is fucking fine

Love

love has levels 

it is still love, when I say I love you, and I mean I love 
how you smile, the small sounds you make
the paths your mind takes, where you land
how you land, how you receive 
the way you give

even if
I miss you, but I don't yearn
I don't need to be where you are

it is also love, when I say I love you, and I mean I love
how you make yourself available for me
drop of a hat
how you brought me into this world and cared to keep me happy
my dreams so easily displace yours
and the idea of losing you drowns me in fear
not just sorrow

even if 
it is largely a remnant of childhood
being lost in a crowd having let go of your hand



and of course it is love, when I say I love you, and I mean
there is nothing else 

Hope grows like a weed

I try hard
to plant and tend to
my garden of contentment

but hope grows like a weed

every time I think
I've managed this time, to snip
remove it
poison it
destroy

I sit to enjoy my garden
my eyes relax, my body is calm
and there I see it
again

my heart races

it is so pretty

how the wind catches it
the sun illuminates

no
damn the weed and damn the garden

let me get the flamethrower

Inside

If you broke me open right now
like a coconut smashed in sacrifice 
though I would prefer 
you break me like a fortune cookie 
knowing you'll need to eat the pieces you create

you will find a wish

I'm keeping it hidden
and will not release it till I'm broken

Permanence

If I only feel seen

when you hold the pencil

and draw me into existence

is it so surprising 

that you can erase me out of being

Give me that fucking thing

Crack

(Pencil breaks in 1/3 and 2/3)

I’m holding the instrument now

that shows me

that keeps me here

oh and 

it’s a fucking pen  

Frame

I would need to come live with you. 

For how long? Well, it could be anywhere between a week to a few months, though I usually 'call it' around six months and terminate the assignment, if we haven't got what we set out to do by then. 

Some people are perfectly comfortable letting a stranger into their lives, to record, perfectly happy to be captured just as they are. It could be because they are truly comfortable with how and who they are, though, it's not usually this category who hire me. 

It's more often because they do want 'the truth', they hope to find something in my work that validates their existence, or lets them reframe how they see their lives, themselves. Something they don't need to second guess, clearly they do plenty of that - I mean, that's why they come to me. 

Most often though, it takes a while to break down the facade. Again, the time this takes often lines up with how aware the person is of the existence of a facade and over how many years this has been built and reinforced.

I've noticed though, when you insert yourself into a person's home, which is the closest you get to entering their life - the fastest route, too - cracks appear quicker, and the guard comes down, if nothing out of pure exhaustion of holding up something so heavy for so long. 

What do I charge? 

Well, it depends on the style you want your life and self captured. Wes Anderson is a big favourite. I can do Woody Allen, though people are often embarrassed to request for it. Sure, yes, Noah Baumbach is doable. Black and white too, yes. 

No, I don't usually allow people to choose their own background score. We can talk though.

Alive

though really, staying silent on your blog for countless years does not usually have people suspecting you may be dead. 

What would make people suspect you may be dead? 

see, in this exercise, one has to exclude immediate family members who are used to seeing your face/body on a fairly regular basis. 

others, well

if someone posts a photo of you (preferably sepia/BW), with a teardropface smiley caption. 

if someone sees a bus run over you in a highly unapologetic and smashing manner.

if someone watches you keel over at work and lie on the grimy office floor in a disgraceful fashion. 

if you were standing near a window, with no door in sight, one second, and the next second you were nowhere to be seen. Might help to have an off-white linen curtain flapping rather dramatically out the window.

I'll think of some more. 

Conversations with a ghost

What do you want to say?

I'm thinking of you.

What else?

Come back to me.
Find a way back to me. 

Hello

Hello, my name is Gauri
when I grow up I want to be a rowdy
I want to wear leather
in sweaty weather
and drive around in an Omni

--

Hello, my name is Ravikesh
what my name means I don't know
Don't keep asking me,
don't keep giggling,
I will kill you.

--

Hello, my name is Pinky
I don't mind you calling me sweety
or baby
or sexy
but tell me I'm hotter than
Lovely

--

Hello, my name is Hema
my sister's name is Prema
my parents have no imagination
they couldn't care less
the name they had ready was
Rama

This year

has not been good.

There were times I was unsure of whether it was just bent on being average, and that fell short of my expectations of it being great, and therefore felt like it was bad.

But no, it's just been bad.

I acknowledge that, but I don't feel heartbroken by it. Yes, it was bad, and now it's over and another year is coming up, and there is hope.

Very happy positive hope.

I spent 6 hours in a shopping mall

It only struck me when I found myself wondering why my feet were protesting so much.  Here's the thought process:

Me: Ow, my feet hurt.

(I don't know why I put in a 'Me'.  My thought process only involves me)

That's not true.

Oh, right.

Me: Ow, my feet hurt.
Me: I wonder why.
Me: Good though, maybe I've exercised unconsciously and lost some weight.
...
Me: Where but, what did I do.
Me: Shit, what time is it!?
Me: OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN HERE 6 HOURS!

You're a moron.

Ey.

I felt terrible when it struck me.  Just repeatedly the thought of 'oh my god, you spent a whole bloody day in a mall, just walking around, eating junk, buying nonsense, and and what. how. how 6 hours. how did this happen. that hot chocolate was good though. no, focus. HOW.'

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed myself, I had a good day. I spent time with a friend, I felt like some stores hadn't yet launched a 'let's make our clothes smaller and make her feel fat' conspiracy. I bought a case, with a bow, for my writing and art pens.

I ate mushrooms filled with cheese and fried with crumbs.
I drank some really refreshing Lemon Ice Tea.  I mean, not often that I walk away thinking 'refreshing' 'equivalent of a Lyril ad'.
I had some amazing hot chocolate, you know the ones with a block of chocolate stuck on a stick which melts gloriously into your hot mug of milk.  HAZELNUT chocolate no less.

Good days are found in the most unexpected places.  Actually, maybe it is not so unexpected, maybe this explains the crowds flocking towards PHOENIX MARKET CITY every weekend, taking selfies against escalators and toilets.

But

Yes ok I took a selfie.

whats up whats up whats up

We really kill that term na, 'whats up'.  I realise, more often than not, the words just slip out of my mouth and all I want to do is some matrixy move to get them back in and swallow.

Why, because I really do not want to know what is up with some people. I need to force myself to say HELLO instead of 'what's up', it is Not a substitute.

Hello doesn't lead to, "don't ask yaar, I have 99 problems and a bitch is one". What's up does. 

---

I have an airconditioner behind my chair at work and I'm forced to sit under its freeze ray directed spitefully at me the entire day because my whole floor depends on this one shit machine with no way of controlling temperature. I HATE YOU AIRCONDITIONER AND STUPID OFFICE.

Ok, if it troubles you so much why don't you just move?

The office or the airconditioner? The former is undiscussable. The latter, well I have a window seat brah. The view isnt much but it is a view and it lets me know what time of the day it is and allows me a space to stare out of while I day dream.  In my Bombay office there was no such window and I'm sure the guy next to me assumed I found him super attractive (given all my day dreaming).

Ok boring next.

---

I sometimes wonder how people fall asleep so trustingly. You switch off while asleep, don't you ever question if you'll wake up again?

Jute

I have an idea, well it's a joke really.

Let me run you through it.

Scene 1:
Lady walks by in a saree.
Other lady comments "oh lovely saree, what is it".
Lady in saree says "Jute".
A crow attacks her.

Scene 2:
A child walks by with a tiffin box and water bottle in a bag.
A lady, presumably his teacher, comments "my Ramu, that's a smart bag, what is it".
Child says "Jute Miss"
A crow attacks him.



We end with,
Jute Bole Kauwa Kaate

*Applause*

Not everyone you meet
has the potential to make, or break you
But there are those who do.

How much are you willing to open your eyes and curtail your brain.

Who'dhavethunk growing up would feel sluggish, would feel anything.

At the end of some days I feel like, man, today was one of those days from which there is no going back. I have crossed a bloody threshold and there is no growing young to make up for this.  Like the day I cleaned my house, through and through. It was done, there was no going back to the me before the clean up.

But there has been only two or three such instances when it feels quick and painless. Otherwise, it feels more like slowly pulling off a broken nail. Can't let it hang there, have to voluntarily and slowly tear it off.

Sometimes I think this bothers me so much that I rush headfirst into something I've labelled and stored in my mindhouse (not a mind palace mind you) as "Grown Up Stuff (Misc.)".  Just to beat the slugginess. Tear the nail off.

Then suddenly I'm in the middle of a conversation about what return gifts should be given to which aunt for my house warming, and I just want to run to my parents, ask them to handle it and sit in front of the TV while they do. 


---


It's 2014 guys.  I haven't blogged in a while.  This year I'm super optimistic about, but most of this year has been me being sick, very sick, sick again and mildly blue.  I'm still super optimistic.  Happy optimistic 2014 to you (and me).


---


I spent a lot of money on acquiring some Harry Potter Lego Sets. I've got mixed feelings about it.  Largely positive though.


---


I have a craving for gold bangles.  Does that happen? Have you seen the price of gold? Sigh.

Im so tired of this job, so bored, I just want out, I feel its killing me not so softly.

Quit then no

Eh no, Im just being a spoilt lazy brat.

It's ok to put your foot down sometimes

Yes, but I just want to put my feet up.

It crept up on her quietly this time, with no warning. 

She was reading a book on her flight home. It was a good book. Mort by Terry Pratchett. She'd read it before, laughed out loud. But this time she found herself taking it very seriously.

She shut it halfway just as the flight was about to land. She looked up and swallowed hard. Quite suddenly she was aware of the countless strangers around her. Living breathing sweating people. Each looking different from the other, each with an entire history an entire life she knew nothing of and will never know anything of.

So? So what so what so what. She shook herself. The lady next to her grunted her disapproval and went back to drooling on the window. Argh, so what, why did it feel so weird. She turned to her right, and an old muslim gentleman on the other side turned left and stared straight at her.

She was the first to look away. She was surprised to see how much that had shaken her. Was he still looking? What if she hadnt looked away, would he have said something? Would what he said have changed her life?

She forced herself to look at him again, he was reading a newspaper. No. He isn't some messenger. No, reality as she knew isn't slipping away into crazy. Everyone's just normal doing normal things. Turbulence.

Is it going down? Will this plane crash? Are these thoughts you have when you know somehow that you're going to die? She grips her seat handles hard. She notices that the man to her right counting something with his fingers. What? What is it. What is it. 

It's nothing. She is pleading with her brain to stop with the drama. The flight lands just fine. She can't get her heart to stop pounding. 

She looks down at her hands, turns them over. Stares at her palms. She doesn't know why that action always grounds her, stops her from screaming.

She calms down, looks up. 

She screams.

I have a way, for us all to be happy

for us all to feel fine, to be satisfied

 

It involves us following a rule,

a principle, that might help us get by

 

say it with me.

I am a rock, you are an island.

 

I am a rock, I have no feelings

you are an island, you need no friends.

I am a rock, I have no opinion

you are an island, you need no help

 

I cant bring myself to follow this rule though,

I believe more in

 

I am some fruit squash, you are a slurpie.

its amazing how sad we feel when someone dies, but couldnt care less when theyre alive.

Gur Naal Ishq Mita

I wonder what that song means.  The whole thing is absolute gibberish to me, but how Ive enjoyed it over the years.

When I was young(er), I think 12? who knows, I used to imagine the whole song was sung in a made up language and it inspired me to make plenty of my own. Usually the tunes were borrowed from Rahman or BSB (yo), but eventually (sung repeatedly with fair precision over a few days) they evolved into my own sound.

wah.

If someone came and said, hey man for one song we will allow your donkeybraysingvoice to be replaced and become perfect, what song do you choose?

I'd choose 'Aaj Jaane ki zid na karo'.

But first, I'd be all - how can you make that happen for me man?
They'd be all - its called a wish, we'd grant you the wish and it'd just be.
Ok, but are there conditions, like I would need to be on a stage and singing to a hundred people?
No...no nothing like that. Geez, accept a wish granting gracefully would you.

Hmm

Then I thought, I wonder if that was a wise choice. Being a Tam, I've always wanted to shove something in the face of those chicks who'd come over and plop themselves down in front of our nicely decorated Golu and start singing their hearts out while the entire family muttered in approval and slapped their thighs in tune (not lewd come on).

But, now I could sing beautifully as well - except everyone would be all, what is this sadhindisong cheh, come on sing about Ganapathy. I'd be all - oh, sorry I need to pee - and hide in the loo till they left.

Sad.

my love for you
fills songs with meaning
that make them unbearable to listen to,
and make it difficult to breathe.

damn you man.

Dog days

It worries me, that I may not be enjoying life as much as I should be.

I can hear my past self in future saying to my future self, "eh man, those were good years, why you didnt enjoy" and I'd be all "what, I cant hear you over this crying baby" and she'd be all "facepalm*".

 

Directions

you could sing with a crackly voice, it would suit you
who wouldn't it suit. It would suit everyone.
croon, you could croon
and go into a high whine at some point
you could let rough breathing in between notes be heard
you could let a smile be heard
a half smile, a crooked terrible smile
you could grip that microphone like its making music, not you
like youre squeezing sound out
throw your shoulders back now,
look straight at me

that was good

cultivate some patience
there is more to life
than racing between speed bumps

 

Madurai

I was in Madurai a week back, man violent (sounding) folk man.

We were quietly standing around waiting for VIP ENTRANCE into temple main area when this fellow comes and he's all (in tamil, but translated for your benefit):

Fellow: EY LET ME IN

Temple Guy: NO, GO STAND IN LINE

Fellow: WHY SHOULD I STAND IN LINE YOU GO STAND IN LINE, LET ME IN

Temple Guy: NO, I AM TEMPLE GUY, YOU GO STAND IN LINE TO ENTER.

Fellow: Looks at us YOU ARE LETTING OUTSIDE PEOPLE IN AND NOT MADURAI LOCAL PEOPLE (Curse word)

Temple Guy: THEY BOUGHT TICKETS

Fellow: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM

Temple Guy: GO STAND IN LINE

Fellow: YOU ARE MESSING WITH THE WRONG MAN (Curse word x 2)

Temple Guy: EY MAN

Fellow: DONT MAKE ME GO MENTAL ON YOU.  ILL BE BACK WITH MY MEN.


geez.

Kambackt Eeshq

Can you call "reading Elle Decor and feeling jealous" a pastime? Well, its mine. I do it slowly and with concentration.

I wonder though, am I going all EVIL EYE on these people featured in ED? I look at their houses and walls and thingumajigs and go, wtf ya so unfair. Then I look at these sexy designers with awesome jobs and go, wtf ya so unfair. Jealous jealous jealous.

I dont mean to cast evil eye and all but man, I mean, you did something to deserve that amazeballs house and that sexy job. Right?

If you didnt, I shall press the EVIL EYE RELEASE button.

feh. pointless


----


Went somewhere for dinner yesterday and food was so fancy but so bad. Every item had some nonsense thrown in for good measure which was a bad measure because it crappified a good product.

Stupid.


---


Im such a lazy mf. If I want my life to change, I just expect people around me to change their lives so I can get what I want. Yes, Im talking fully abstract and you wont know what this is about EVER. but well.  I just wish i was a doer - I wish I changed my own life by my own actions. I will try and do that now.

Flopshow.


--


I saw a sign board which said DO NOT GIVE ARMS TO BEGGARS.
Haha.

Ok, truthfully, there is no such signboard.  Well, except in my head. Its red letters on a yellow background.

All CAPS.

---


My dashed lines arent uniform - I wonder if that bugs anyone. DASH YOUR LINES PROPERLY MAN they think and I'm all F YOU and theyre all DONT YOU WANT ME TO READ YOUR BLOG and i'm all please stop yelling at me

--   ---- -

ha.

---

I wish I was golden, just pure and nice and proper. Thoo, don't be dirty. I wish I was good. How is it that I know what Good would be and then I just continue my own dirty way.

you have permission to seize
to overhaul
to erase and rewind
my permission is no good, but
if it were
you have it.

All I do is wait

It sure feels that way. 

I sit here, and I wait for the next thing.  I am constantly in a state of waiting.

Waiting for the day to end, waiting for the week to end, waiting for the next big thing. Waiting to grow up.

It felt ok to feel that way when I was a kid. All kids somewhere just wait to grow up, to be big and do adult things, like drive a car or sleep late. (what bugger all mundane nonsense to grow up for, what a bad deal)

Hardly ever feels like I want to hit the pause button and take in the scene.
 

there was a fish who loved flowers
they took him to a pyschiatrist and broke him.

Hai Frandz

I was going to post a hip hop song I made for a friend here. Then I realised its being fully hardcore and I have no clue who reads this blog. I might trip and fall and end up hurting Uncle Rajapandian's feelings.

Geez. How carefully we tread, how carefully even them badasses tread brah.

Im not a bad ass.  But I do surprise myself by doing some bad ass things now and then.  Actually, why lie to you.  I surprise myself when I almost don't do necessary bad ass things.  When I cry and feel sorry for myself and almost let some idiot ruin my day. Who is that girl man, how to shut her up.

Im not a bad ass. but I refuse to be a wuss.

My dad stepped in recently though, and shook me out of a potential 'feel like a craphole for life cos I couldnt stick up for myself' situation. He really put things in perspective.

My dad's a sensible guy. and very 'say what he thinks' and he thinks Im that way as well. I suppose I am (but with some sense of fear).

Sometimes you need people to remind you who you are.

What.  You don't?
Fine, man. I do

Can I remind you youre a foolhead?


----


Im hungry.  Ordered some yumzers chinese food.  Chilli potato and misc EXOTIC vegetables in Hunan sauce. Hakka noodles.

Yes I'm a vegetarian, how about you stop being a cliche?


---


I want to watch sexy EmranHashmi in letest movie.  He's a hottie.  (Uncle Rajpandz, stop reading if this offends you man, who called you here).  Judge me all you want.


ok bye
 

ask me any question and I'll tell you no lies

go on

Ok, what is your biggest fear?

no lies.

...




hahahah

plop plop plop plop

I like these Mumford & Sons fellows a lot.  I wouldn't say I love all their songs, but I do like quite a few. Discovery thanks to JANGO radio.

I wonder why its called JANGO radio.  Well, I added the ALL CAPS effect, they just go by Jango. But I feel, no wait, I feel that a word like Jango demands ALL CAPS treatment. JANGO. I mean, it wants to end with an exclamation mark. Its calling out for it, ignoring that would make no sense.

----

No, I'm not Trying to sound like a fool....


Your face sounds like a fool.

----

Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery,
today's a gift, which is why its called the present.

That makes some sense, fine. But, but
the future, noone knows what the future holds. I'd say that was the gift
and the future should've been called present.
Today could be called history as much as yesterday, who kheyres.

----

I write a lot of stuff I say in conversation to my husband down here. He never reads my blog.
useless.

----

Hi Sneha




 

hello miscellaneous animals

cream roll mutton roll chicken roll ham

Does anyone remember / know this hand-clap (?) game?

Ham cheese
Ham butter
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
creamrollmuttonrollchickenroll
Ham.

Which us vegetarians ofcourse converted to:

Yam cheese
Yam butter
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
creamrollmuttonrollchickenroll
Yam.

No, I don't know why the last but one line was spared the veg conversion.

----

Speaking of rolls.  I've learnt that I'm somewhat addicted to roleplaying games.
See what I did there.

Ok, the alternative was for me to talk about how
I'm no playah
but I ama role playa
mothafoka

Well, let's not get kinky carried away here. I'm talking about phone apps, video games and computer games. Let's see, on my phone I have:

(a) A farm;
(b) A dinosaur park (Jurassic Park mind you);
(c) A clan;
(d) A modernfashiongirl yo (pointless app where you have boyfriends by flirting with them and buying them gifts and then if you kiss them lots they will buy you gifts - the app lets you know what gifts you can expect from what boys before you 'date' them and once you get the gift you want you break up with them and move on to the next one.  All these gifts along with clothes you buy from...

Ok, this could take a while. Let me get into it though:

A - Girl gets a haircut and a job at some fashion place.  The level at which she works depends on how many points her outfit earns her. Each outfit item is marked (shoes - 5, handbag -7, so on)
B - Girl gets money from job so she can (i) woo men (ii) buy more clothes.
C - Girl gets stuff from guy which also have points.
D - Girl upgrades outfit, ditches guy, moves up the ladder at work, earns more money

AND REPEAT.

Anyhow, continuing
(e) A monster pet shop;
(f) Hot dog bush (where GBush has to make hot dogs and sell it to people and go up to setting up a restaurant somewhere fancy); need I go on?

Then I have LA NOIRE on my xbox which I love.
Then I have SIMS 3.

Now SIMS 3 is a whole different obssession ha.  I justify it saying it's like having a giant moving interactive doll house (which it is). But once I start, I go on for hours and I (actually) forget to BLINK. So my eyes get fucked.

Alright, enough of this for now.

---

I love saying Brah. Not like the underwear, but the stylised BRO. 

What's up Brah.

But my phone always corrects this to Brag.
This correcting thing is a piss off.  Here's a conversation with Husbu today:

Husb: I'm having sambar rice at saravan bhavan.
V: Oh, have a parrot
V: A parrot
V: A parota
V: Geez
V: I love their parrots
V: ARGH
Husb: !

ok bye


 

How about this, I will not judge you on the music you listen to.
If you listen to

Hit me baby one more time

or

2 become 1

or

Stairway to heaven

or

November rain

and believe that is the song that touches you


It's fine. I will not judge you. Music should touch you, any music can touch you.
Fuck anyone who judges you on that.

I watched ROCKSTAR thinking - what the hell -

but then, this song Kun Faya Kun - ah

All hail Gobi M.

Have you heard

me voy a morir de tanto amor

It's a song I shazamed (you better know what that is) from a Mad Men episode of Betty giving birth to Gene (third child of 'oh so' handsome DON DRAPER).

Its nice.




Separately

I love GOBI machurian.
I've tried mushroom and vegetable manchurian, and I'm sorry to say (or am I) that GOBI beats them all half if not full to death.

I would like to say, I shouldnt be allowed online when drunk.
But, F. that. I should be allowed online when drunk.
I say much more  and i embarrass sober me - which is WOO HOO.

Hello Sober Me.
What do you think of this ha?

Well, not very much I'm afraid

You're afraid?
BWAHAHAHAHAH

Well no, not literally

You said you're afraid but.

Ey. Who allowed you access to this blog

Cuticle

cu·ti·cle

noun \ˈkyüt-i-kəl\

 

1: an outer covering layer: as

a: an external envelope (as of an insect) secreted usually by epidermal cells

b: the outermost layer of animal integument composed of epidermis

c: a thin continuous fatty or waxy film on the external surface of many higher plants that consists chiefly of cutin

d: the outermost membranous layer of a hair consisting of overlapping scales of epithelial cells

 

2: dead or horny epidermis

 

 

 

 

What a phenomenal waste of a good word.  It should have been used to define babies or puppies or small rats. I should make my own dictionary.

 

 

when I'm looking at you, you're so beautiful
I feel like my entire being is being crushed like a piece of paper heading for the bin.

your face

Do you know what a good retort is to

let's see

EVERYTHING.


Your face.


Disbeliever, ok here lets try it:


Mr. Bimbi:  This photo looks like it was taken by an amateur.
Coolio: YOUR FACE looks like it was taken by an amateur.

---

Mr. Bimbi: Those jeans are not working for you.
Coolio: Your face is not working for you.

---

More coming soon.
 

did you know

spending the whole weekend reading books
makes you feel less like a worthless piece of poop

I'd forgotten

Youve got a friend like me.

I wrote a 4 page long letter to a friend.
Then I added a handmade sticker and a small VGR Love Coupon (TM).
I also drew some stuff on it.

What are you, 12?

Ey, shut it. I am in no mood for you today.
Where was I, right, I wrote a FOUR page long letter. All handwritten and everything.

Would've never guess when you said 'wrote' two times.

*Ignore*

Man, I can be such a good friend sometimes. I write letters, I get little gifts, I drop work and chat for hours about miscellaneous problems, I'm loyal also.

Wah.

No really, I've stopped talking to / bitched out / thrown horrible looks at / tripped (ok no) people that have bugged my friends. Ironically those 'friends' continue to be palzforevah with the said baddies. Geez.

Chaddi Baddies.

No, baddies. Like bad people.

Mamy Poko Pants

What?
 

hey, you next to me

Does the volume level of music from my earphones amaze you?
Do you think I may well be deaf or heading there?

I want to go dancing.
I didn't say with you.

Would you date someone called Carly?
What if she was really pretty?
What if she made really good sambar?

Eh.

bleargh manifesto

It's another one of those.  You know, those days where everything that's ever bugged you EVER pops up in slow yet sure succession and kills your normalhood.

Glasses fall and break again.

Maid announces proposed absence for next 5 days, today.

Ants have eaten the best of my almonds and most of my dates.

Skin break out alert.

Nice shirt does not fit anymore.

'That annoying girl''s face is all over facebook. What the heckhole is up with that? (Separately, how is it some people have faces which activate PUNCH ME impulses for no apparent (except their face) reason?)

Work, there is Work again, how the..and so much irritating bull crap work where the only answer my brain comes up with after much consideration is I DO NOT GIVE A

Tomorrow is not a holiday.

Life questioning questions alert.  Eh man, why today? Go. When I'm lazing around watching Packed to the Rafters, appear again then.

Gossip Girl ended on TV with the most crapshit ending ever - which I already knew - but today had to be the last day. I don't know if I feel relief in that I dont have to watch that bloof ever again or what.

ARGH. WHAT A USELESS FEELING FEELING.

I want to go home and embroider a onesie and finish my Welcome Back flyer and continue my Dangerous Dacoit comic series.

I want to go home.

Love these songs, love the videos

Passion Pit  -  Carried Away

 

Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks

 

 

 

I'm spinning around, move out of my way, I know youre feeling me cos you like it like this

What was Kylie Minogue on?

Yesterday, on an auto ride back from Orion Mall (tell the auto guy Ohriyown Maal) which was a long ish ride and I was feeling happy because I'd bought a tiny JBL bluetooth speaker and some Zara clothes (after a long time) and (yes shit like that makes me happy) I had this long and fairly involved day dream session.

So, I look out of the auto and I see this plump curly haired dark fellow on one of those cycle cart things transporting a load of rubbish (literally) and I thought, you know like that Freaky Friday movie, what if I just become him and he becomes me? How would I go about life?

Ok, let me explain - I look into his eyes and ZAP he is me and I am him THE END.  Then I thought, no thats a really depressing one but lets think of something better - what if I become Prince William (the ugles) and he becomes me.  Then I caught a glimpse of siddawk on the auto mirror - now  How could I be with him if I was Prince William? Also, what about that Kate and my baby? I couldnt pretend to be attracted to her and what not, I mean, I am still me inside him.

What about my parents also. My family.

So I thought, ok I'll fly down to Bangalore and convince siddawk that it was me trapped is ugles' body. Use some intimatemomentsonlyweknowyo stuff. Then I'd go to Chennai and convince my parents its me - but how do I avoid all the paparazzi? I'll figure. I'll speak to them in Tamil and stuff. Then I'll convince my whole family to move into the palace with me till we figure this out.

Also, what about the real me with Prince William inside? I have to track her down and bring her in as well. But it is likely that she'd be out trying to find a way back into the palace. So I'd tell the guards to let me meet all girls claiming to be me or some such.

I'll also issue some sort of WANTED notice with my face on it.

Would the Queen agree to my family moving in? What about Kate? Well, it is my house / palace as well right. I should be allowed to let whoever I want stay in it.  My family trumps the Beckhams any day.

We  could screen the Royal Divorce on the Royal Channel or whatever crapsmuck.

I was quite troubled by this whole thought though. How to live like that? What a disaster that would be.

Made me feel happier about my life but.

Summer vacation

Makemytrip is asking me why I still havent planned my summer vacation.
What summer vacation man.

----

There's someone out there called Sweeteebye Balloo. I kid you not.

----

A friend gifted me a book made of elephant poo. I smelt it as soon as I found out what it was. Not so surprisingly, it just smelt handmade papery.  I wouldn't have touched a human poo paper book. What makes elephants and cows so special.  The same friend also likes the smell of cow. A lot of people do. I dont think I have an opinion on this.

----

I'll get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans
be your teenage dream
tonight.

- Katy Perry

----

Ok, I have to go back to work
 

No world is good enough

No, its not a new Bond movie. Although..

No

No this was just a line of thought really.  Sometimes I think about having a kid in the world in its current stage and I feel super selfish.  Shit has hit the fan and all, and I want to bring a child into all this? HOW EVIL OF ME. I mean, there may be no water or trees or anything left in 50 years, what will this baby do?

Get to the point.  And to answer your question, it wont be a baby then, itd be a fifty year old somebody and if theres no water or trees, it'd be happily un-alive.

Hey.

Get to the point

Ok.  Well, I felt a little better seeing this Mad Men episode yesterday where this guy was being asked whether he wants children.  He goes, ya well who doesn't etc. Then says, ya but sometimes I think of the world today, the bomb, contracting economy etc., and I wonder.

I went AHA.  This guy, 50 years ago, was wondering the same thing as me!

Its a fictional character. What he said was written by someone TODAY.

Whatevs yo.  The point is, probably, that no world has ever been good enough for anyones baby.  So what I'm feeling can be suitably ignored.  I mean, even Superman's parents didnt think their world was good enough for their baby and sent him here (good one that).

Their world was blowing up..

Maybe that was figurative. ''Oh no, our world is no good, it's all blowing up.'' What they meant was kids were having sex at the age of 12 and they were running out of garbage disposal ideas.

Geez

 

How do I feel today?

Facebook asks me, on a daily basis.  How do you feel today, Veena?

Let me tell you how I feel today.  I feel like the world I knew has come to an end and that this happened a number of years ago, and I have been living in denial.

It isn't a happy situation like the Matrix where a red pill makes you see the truth and a blue pill puts you back in the Matrix. 

I am being forced to wake up and see what has already gone by.  You can talk to me about hope, but not today.  People are shoving candles up a 5 year old girl's vagina, so do not talk to me about that today.  People are murdering people for money, for a car, for refusing to serve them alcohol, for asking for toll money.  People are telling me Bangalore needs to be evacuated by 2023 because all water sources will be so contaminated.  You can fill 'bombing folks' as a favourite pastime.

They found an oil bottle in that child.

We are running out of sanity, air, water, time, but we are not running out of patience.  Patience is easy.  Oh, I am not sitting on my ass doing nothing, I am simply being patient.  Waiting for some hero.

Will I do something? No. I am not that person who gets up and does anything. Even if I were, I wouldnt know what to do or where to start.


Hopeless.

Can I have the blue pill?

Most people are Truman

Well, you've see The Truman Show I assume.
I think, most people are Truman. They are the central characters of their respective life stories.  Everything that happens, happens to them and they are in the center shining burning raging.

Sometimes, I feel like a background figure in my own life.  That I am Truman's gardener or car repairman or girl who sits behind him in an office cubicle or popcorn seller.

Forget Truman, I feel like I'm someone who is paid in Biriyani to sit in a bus looking busy while the Hero sidles up to the Heroine.

I must be Truman.  I have to be Truman. 
Need help.
 

TODAY IS A BAD DAY

If I could paint love, I would
If I could paint sorrow, I would refrain.

- ancient Canadian saying

what? there are ancient Canadians, and they do say. The Chinese don't own this shit yo.

If I could paint well, I would
If I couldn't paint very well, I still would

---

I feel I have been so untrue to myself about myself I don't know anything about anything, including myself. 

So if I honestly know nothing, can I start afresh? Be anybody?
If yes, would I choose to be a kind, patient and softspoken person? No.
What is required is introspection (good word).  Self-introspection (that's understood). 

Just, boil myself down until something resembling what I might actually be emerges.  Then try not to be fake ever again.

Simple yo.

---

There was this girl on a call yesterday - well, the guy sitting behind me was on a call with this girl yesterday - and boss, what a voice.  Never have I hated someone, truly in an I-would-shoot-you-in-the-face-good-youre-on-the-phone-and-i-dont-have-a-gun-in-any-event way, but this girl.

BP rising.

---

I shall go get drunk
I shall go get drunk
I shall go get drunk
to nigh t t
I hope I don't black out
I hope I don't f*** up
but I shall go get drunk
to night.

(sing it in a 'we shall overcome' tune).

 [as I was typing this, someone called to cancel. wtf]

---

Today is a bad day,
I wish you could have a bad day with me,
and then we could go out,
have some drinkses and watch a movie,
and curse this f.all day,
together

 

Material girl or what

How to get rid of expensive taste?  No.  No.  I'm afraid this may be a real issue. 
Maybe I should stop reading fashion / lifestyle / interior design magazines.  It may just help.

Maybe if I stop earning any money, that would help.

Maybe since I do earn money, I don't need all that much help.

How life loves circles.

Wait, I was thinking that thought this weekend, for something.

Well, if life really loves circles, it will come back to you.

Maybe my conscience is Justin Timberlake.

Maybe

 

finders

I was checking out sample matrimonial ads.  I don't know why, don't ask irrelevant questions.

Here's one

Prof Qualified match for Saruparin Brahmin 31/160 Phd Chem Lecturer Eng College-Lko, B'ful girl. Status family. Early Decent marriage.Send BHP.Email xxxxxx@rediffmail.com or write Box no LUC 000000c Times of India, Lucknow-2

 

B'ful girl.

Status family.

Early Decent marriage.

 

What is BHP.

 

 

 

Prof. Qualified Nicelkng Girl, age/ht/wt of no conseq. Early decent marriage. Needs fun frnds in city. Not spcl. frnds. No frandshps. Likeminded indiv to hng out with and drnk old mnk. Send BHP. mail xxxxxx@gmail.com or write Box no LUC 000000c Times of India, Bangalore-1

 

 

ok dont send BHP.

can I level with you?

I sign off more than 30 emails a day with Best Regards.
I don't mean it for most.

--

I have the GK of a pencil box.

--

I have conversations with people and then blog my great lines.

some compliments

you are as cute as a pair of 50rs baby socks.

your hair is so soft and shiny, I want to make a quilt out of it. I would never get out of bed.

I had an amazing dosa yesterday, filled with mysore masala goodness. Made me feel warm inside. I thought of you.

your forehead smells like an omlette sometimes. Its comforting

don't bother reading yo

I am a big red stress balloon
ready to pop

----------

Did I mention how I'd like to design kitchens.  I may have.  It's not just kitchens actually, that's my idea of starting low.  I'd like to design entire houses.  Apply thought, draw out various diagrams and ideas for furniture and placement and lighting and special misc. add ons. 

Well, I have about three coloured notebooks full of ideas.  I could make more, so much more.  Even if you don't pay me.

---------

I dreamt that I was a Disney background character.  Didn't have much of a life.  Had to stand around looking happy or unhappy for the princess.  Not much of a story really.  I got shoved to one side as some sort of villain made his way to her.

He was all in black with a pointy beard.  I assumed.  Oh come on, he just looked like a.  Fine, whatever.  Why did he shove me if he's such a nice guy.

---------

Things are simply not getting done.  It is bothering me very much sir.  Day and night I am like, what is this thing not getting done only.

------

Ok, I'm off to go work on a future shoe rack.





 

I do not have an Iphone (1,2..5)

Man, I met someone the other day who went on about how the Iphone 5 is some bull shit and they would never be caught dead using one and how its against their core morality or some such.

I wish I had a lot of money, like throw away money type lots of money, like buy a house next door to work to use the loo sort of money (nothing wrong with my office loo), like (ok sometimes it isnt the best loo, but I blame the users and not the loo itself or the maintenance staff) buy a roller coaster sort of money, like travel to paris to shop sort of money.

Then I'd buy an Iphone 5 and leave it at this person's door step. Then I'd videotape this person finding it and kissing it.

Maybe I'd pay someone to take the video while I go for a fish spa.

Who am I kidding. I could never put my feet in a pool of hungry fish.
 

GWTF

you know what always sounded super appealing to me?

pink elephants

pink elephants? what?

ey, that was a rhetorical question. Although, pink elephants..hm

The GWTF Rule.

Oh yeah.

Gorrillaz Were Too Funky?
Ghosts Wish They Farted?
Girls just Want To..

Stop.

It stands for Go With The Flow - keep up.

I wish I could just GWTF through life. If you know me, you'd know how lazy I am. You'd then assume it should be super easy for me to GWTF. Wait, but if you knew me you'd also know what a control freak I am.

So.

Anyway, whether you know me or not - I find it incredibly difficult to just GWTF. However, after much effort and what not, I often end up being forced to GWTF and stuff works out fine.

Super even.

I want to be all chilled out and saying "yeah sure why not bro" to everything and everyone. I mean, with some exercise of judgment.

Shady Man: Do you want to get into this van with me?
Me: yeah sure why not bro

never heard from again.

Do you want to get into a van with me?

Hello, who is this?
 

Fisheye Experiment

Some photos from my Fisheye Analog Camera

I've been so distracted.

I close my eyes, I'm on an empty beach and Comptine d'un autre ete from Amelie is playing.

 

this is an offer, you cannot refuse

how about you pay me

to be a fun creative happy person who has super ideas and produces lovely things of no monetary value.

I don't need an answer today

Noon Wines

So

my bank balance has taken a dip.  No, wait, it's gone deep sea diving.  This has resulted in me having to satiate my drinking needs at cheapu joints.

Now

this is where Noon Wines comes in.  Its a tiny pub, no wait, drinking spot - called The Noon Wines and also The Scottish Pub (?).  It's hidden behind a baskin robbins stall.  Walked right past it once (also because I was focussing on the Frankie stall beyond, man I love them frankies) and then got guided back there by some excited fellow (Oh yes ofcourse I know it, you are not from around here? Let me show you.) eh.

Any how

went there last night and had some of their Noon Wines.  They have a house wine (?) which they serve in tiny glasses (for small portions) and small glasses (for large portions).  I can't quite put my finger on what this concoction tastes like. 

Possibly

sweet grape juice hiding something fairly dangerous. (ooh). No really, it is not wine.  It gives you the wursht hangovers, all the while tasting like (innocent) grape juice.  Someone told me today that it has arrack (what) - someone yesterday said its a mix of miscellaneous liquor masked by grape.

Would I go there again?

Of course man.

are we there yet

isn't it time already, for the next big thing?
save me before I cave to the waitingroomsyndrome.

do not lie to me,
everyone out there lives in constant excitement adventure joy

no?

ok, that makes sense.

there is only sense
in all words, someone, somewhere, will find meaning

Layout change time

once again, it is time for a new look (and also a new blog - check my profile).

The bear in the blog title image is my bear, he's 17 years old and has never left my side.

Judge me all you want

I wish you could still find

poetry in me

let there be light. and pink flowers.

this photo makes me happy.

My future house shall have a bougainvillea overdose.
 

Wedding misc.

Sometimes I think we go overboard with the hoo ha at these weddings.  Recently, I attended a wedding which lasted about 10 minutes (also, they'd already gotten married at a temple in the morning and were putting on a show for us later in the day (wha?)). 

So, there were a number of things lined up at the stage.  Pretty, but what are these for?

To fan all the mini-people who attend.

Ok, fair enough, and the lime bonanza?

For an after wedding juice party.

In my wedding, we had our names spelt out in Gems. Cadbury's.  I made them add a heart.
 

You have a problem.
A real serious problem?
With possibly no solution.
No solution, what?

Do not worry.
I will have something to say.
You will want to hear it.
It is not the answer,
but it will help.

Let's have a call.
Does 3.30pm (India time) work for you?
I will circulate dial-in details.
 

-

Hello, there you are mister Bimbi.
Forgot something, or remember nothing at all?
Where do they cash in your cards, wallet your wounds
How do they explain the need to repair you

Three times I called on your phone
Two times you called on mine
If you had a dog you would understand
how you were out of line

Care for some tea, Bimble?
Try not to cry into it
Now let's get to your problem sir
You want to marry a Karthick, not a Pulkit?

goa, humbug.

Returning from a really wonderful holiday with an unshakeable sense of - what is it, restlessness? listlessness (are these words?). Maybe that is what a good holiday is meant to do - shake you up - make you feel different.

I do not feel different in a good way. So, screw you good holiday.

 

fuel

I operate best on love. I respond best to love. If I love someone, all my interactions with that person are magnified. If I write a letter to someone I love, I write carefully and extensively. The only time I paint anything, is when I paint something for someone I love. All my creative endeavours have ultimately been for love. The only time I am excited about doing anything special or making any specific effort is when there is a person I love involved.

As for the rest, I am terrible. I keep no commitments, do not follow up on any promises. I am, at best, an average version of myself.

It seems to me, if I allow myself .. no, if I push myself to love more people - my own life would be a lot more wonderful.

Does not seem like a terrible idea.

If I had a tea shop

I would name one of my teas - "Donchu worry Donchu worry Chai"

Hows that, Swedish House Mafia?

If you know where this is going,
how about you don't tell me
I opt out of knowing
what comes next

Have you seen that movie
the terrible one with Nick
Nicolas Cage
Where he sees a few minutes into the future

how delightfully daft.


Now, separately

Having friends, and knowing you have friends
are not the same thing

how about you shut up,
and let me talk.

If I reach out to you
know that there is a reason
I am not pure, or good or perfect
there is always some reason

but do not assume anything

do you trust me
why, yes Aladdin, I do.

Now, separately

Have you experienced love
Do you know it when it hits you.
Oh come on, if it Hit you,
it has to be love.

or drugs and alcohol.
those hit you as well.

But love,
boarding a train to Disneyland.

thank you for taking me again
now that I'm tall enough
to be allowed on Space Mountain
you must love me

and I wonder, if you could be my friend.

 

don't get me wrong.  I've been staring at this (web)page for a long long time. I intended to write. I really did.

Focus

How about spending all day only listening to music. Green Day, its been a long time since I listened to a lot of Green Day. How about spending a week on painting a something. Cooking a feast, a whole feast to feed who. I could make cupcakes, I have that book of cupcakes.

Focus on work.

Certainty

There is one certainty.

Lets rephrase. There may be many certainties, you may be certain your dog has pooped on your sofa, you may be certain that it is going to rain, you may be certain that your neighbour is a serial killer.. amongst these, there is one certainty - everyones got issues.

The problem is (not the one problem, one of the many problems), that nowadays everyones always looking like theyre doing something wildly exciting with their lives. Not everyone at the same time - but a large number of people you knew and believed to be as normal and day-to-day as you - you see them on instagram, on facebook on top of a bunch of other places and they're telling you, they're sometimes telling the whole world - Hai, I have most exciting life.

There was a time where you just grew up, studied well, got a good job, got married, had babies, focussed on them and your work, life went by. I mean, the certainty still applies - everyone had issues - but one of them wasnt knowing or feeling that there is at least 20 other things you could be doing with your life that would make you happy.

You think it would make you happy - and it might, make you happy.

I'm just saying - you can get carried away by it, throw away all that you have (which is far easier if you dont have much to start off with) and go blindly after that alternate life - or you can just tell yourself - there is one certainty.

There is one certainty, and then go back to focussing on the life you've shaped for yourself and minimising the issues you have.

and to answer your question (ok you didnt ask it, I did), would I trade my life with the Kardashians? No way, they have some massive issues.

How

If you type "how to" on google - the first four results are

how to get pregnant
how to kiss
how to make pizza
how to lose weight.

weird ha.

how to pull a rabbit out of a hat
how to put a rabbit back in a hat
how to change the way I think
how to change the way he feels
how to find the right job
how to get a lot of money
how to keep a lot of money
how to spend a lot of money
how to not care about money
how to feel satisfied
how to make your dreams come true
how to make disney make cartoons like it used to
how to make mani ratnam make movies like he used to
how to keep kamal hasan young forever
how to get suriya to leave his wife for you
how to not get angry
how to not ruin a good thing
how to keep busy
how to find time
how to be happy

:)

 

Another post with some photos

This is inside a shop called Ganesh Emporium in Udaipur. It is by far the most fun tiny little shop I have been to. I could have spent a long long time in there. He had everything from old books to old photos to random magnets and stickers and jewellery and small paintings he'd made himself to chinese artifacts to posters to astrology charts to you-name-it-we-got-it.

We picked up some miscellaneous miscellaneous miscellaenous. This was after a nice lunch on a roof top towering above the old city and before a long walk to a jetty. It was just a really nice day.

A post with a photo

At long last, here is a post with a photograph.

This was taken in old city, Udaipur. Old city. You wonder where most of these firang movies get their idea of India from. Well I don't know about you, I definitely used to wonder. Where it is that the streets are so tiny, the houses so colourful and matchboxy, where cows and motorcycles go rampant  and ride about in an almost-kill-anyone-in-their-way, way, where people sit about in countless tiny temples and chit chat. It's here, in old city, Udaipur.

I fell in love with the place. Granted, in an I don't want to live here forever but I will keep visiting you at every possible opportunity way.


 

Deegraday.

deg·ra·da·tion (dgr-dshn)

n.

1. The act or process of degrading.

2. The state of being degraded; degeneration.

3. A decline to a lower condition, quality, or level.

4. Geology A general lowering of the earth's surface by erosion or weathering.

5. Chemistry Decomposition of a compound by stages, exhibiting well-defined intermediate products.

6. Computer Science The state in which a computer operates when some of its memory or peripherals are not available.

 

deg. ra. da. tion (dee grah day shun)

 

I am in a state of degradation.

of body and mind. I would add soul to this list, but difficult to say about that really.

 

Body, sitting for hours in front of my computer or hunched over countless nonsense papers and figures and words and flow charts and presentations and policies and kaka pee. I can feel myself crumbling, become older by years by the days.

 

Mind, well, you've seen this blog, what do you think.

 

My house condition has also degraded, increasing number of things broken, dirty, dusty and stuff growing on all vegetables in fridge (ugh).

 

HOW TO MAKE THIS RIGHT MAN.

Jeez.

 

I need a break. I need to start doing something about all of this. I'll get back to you on this a month from now. If I'm not worse off degraded by then.

 

 

jungle wisdom.

As I sit working on one pointless piece of advice, agreement, report after another

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life

Shut up Baloo, what the hell do you know.
Everything costs money, and money does not grow on trees.

He might have a point though,
maybe its time to dial it down
not all the way down to jungle book standards
but down, before all sanity flies out the window

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you

MOB BABY

It might be sort of cool to have a child who is a mob boss.

You'd be all, Monu don't make me come over there
and Monu, otherwise in the middle of a conversation over a man's life, will stop
come over, and eat rotis off your hand with that MOTHERS LOVE IS BEST look while gun shots
go off in the background.

Its endearing is it not.

Future

Since I can't go out there and do my own thing,
can't bring myself to pursue my true calling (as I believe it to be)
Here's what I'll do

I'll pop one out, have a baby that is.
I'll bring it up
and I'll beat it if it refuses to draw
and be a creative genius.

I'll beat you, you understand.

 

Come out Dr. Hyde,
you know how much I love you.
 

Small talk with someone up there.

So everyone has problems. No really, its true. It is actually Not just you out there battling the worlds woes .

While that should be a comforting thought, it seldom is. You can tell yourself about people who barely have enough food for one meal a day or barely enough clothes to keep them covered, let alone warm - but ultimately

Your problems are your problems and they mean the world to you.

They seem all consuming, snacking away on your happiness and spraying large or small doses of perspective on them does not always make them go away.

I believe in God. Some people believe in someone else up there. Some dont. Well, I do and as a result of that I am always looking upstairs for answers. For someone to give me some sign that everything is going to be ok.

Once someone told me this story about Krishna (yes the one in the Gita, not your neighbour): apparently one of his devotees got through to him one day (either by tapas or by knocking on his door post his time here) and asked him why he doesnt just appear on earth and show everyone he exists - this might give people hope and help them move on. His answer, apparently (no real way of confirming here) was that he does appear but noone believes it could be him because he isnt wearing all of GRT Thangamaligai (famous Chennai gold shop) on him, with eight hands weilding miscellaneous accessories, including ofcourse a chakra.

There is ofcourse this other story (told to me by my school principal in London on my first day there): this man's house is getting flooded and he's repeatedly going God will save me. A bunch of firemen come his way, he refuses their help - people in boats come his way, he says take a hike - some helicopters come to pick him up, he shows them the finger (well some such thing) - then he dies. He goes up to heaven (or wherever) and asks God, 'why didnt you save me boss?' and God says, well I sent a bunch of firemen, boat guys and helicopters... This fellow ofcourse, felt like a fool at that point.

Anyway. The last few days at work have been fuckall and I am at my wits end - I cant really go on about what else has been bugging me. But, this morning, I finally open these set of notes my friend has scanned over to me on a matter I have NO time to work on. These notes have been taken on these lame diary sheets - and while these usually say things like "Wake up early, sleep early, be a beauty" (not quite but you get it), I get:

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their ingenuity.

Remember that not getting what you want, is sometimes the blessing.

Again, difficult to say how this applies to my life right now - but lets say

Problem: What should I have for breakfast?
Answer: You should have fried eggs with whole wheat toast with some ketchup and tobasco sauce on the side.

Thats about how clear that message was.

Thanks for the talk. Let me give this another go then.

Rolling in the Deep

I assume by now pretty much everyone has heard this song. But, have you seen the video?

Please watch it.

It is definitely one of the best music videos I've seen. I can't decide what part of it I like the best - but if  had to choose it would be the porcelain smashing against the wall, joining all those broken pieces lying in heap below - and how about those rows of glasses with water, the dust dancer, the idea to just have her seated in the middle of a room singing her heart out.

I need to find out who made this.

I HAVE BOUGHT A NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA

So, as soon as I get my laptop working or throw it out the window for a new one (which I cannot possibly afford thanks to my NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA) - you will be seeing posts with photographs (ha - it is the future).

Believe it or not.

To begin with, it may mostly be photographs of things in my house / my husband. But, wait, don't lose interest yet - just hold on and decide after the first few posts.

Some questions

Hey man Gotye, you made any other good songs or what?
are you a one-song wonder?
even that song, was it Kimbra who made it super?
Do you ask yourself this stuff Gotye?

Why did so many people watch and enjoy JAG?
Why did a lot of people not like Happy Days?
How many of you think Happy Days is a reference to the Telegu Film?
How many of you are fools?

What does "You make me this, bring me up, bring me down, plays it sweet, makes me move like a freak" really mean Alexandra Stan?
What does "Mr. Saxobeat" mean Alexandra Stan?
What does it matter given that I love that song anyway?

Britney Moment

I may not be all that young
but I am too young to feel this old

This is not a Britney Spears song,
ref: Im not a girl, not yet a woman.

But, while she had a point maybe,

My problem seems to be more,
I'm not a girl, I am a woman, but I simply haven't learnt JACK.
result of which, too much worries me now.

maybe I should ask myself to shut it and say

Who Kheyres

I have found you

You know, how you remember certain people by certain smells
Some wonderful scent takes you right back to that person
Some wonderful scent makes you feel - this is one beautiful beautiful being

and makes you yearn, to smell so wonderfully right.

I have found my favouritest perfume
The one I hope to be remembered by

It's a good feeling.

Nuts

Can I just say, its very hard
to tolerate your nonsense
day in, day out.

Can I just say, just because
you live in my head,
doesn't mean I can't get you out

You may be my mind,
but, mind it.
I would rather let my mind go,
than let my soul rot.

Cooking is a dangerous sport

What do you mean why.

Yesterday, my pressure cooker exploded. I exaggerate not. It exploded. It went to pieces. The top flew one way, the bottom, the handle, the weight. Everything Flew. There was also the sound of an explosion. KA BOOM. To top it all, my induction cooker - due to the said explosion - blew to smithereens. Literally. Its in fifty odd pieces right now.

I had, thankfully, just moved away to cut some vegetables.

I mean. Cooking is not for the faint hearted. Really, just not.

I went into a mini shock. Ran out of the kitchen. Ran back in to turn off the induction stove to prevent some crazy electrical fire thing. Ran back out. Sat there shaking for some time (I am a bit of a wuss).

Man.

Then my husband (ha) came home, looked more worried than me that I felt better, and took me out for a yummy thai dinner.

So, my rice cooker went bust a couple of days back. Now my stove and pressure cooker are gone. But being BRAVE as I am - today I tackle the oven.

PS: DO NOT BUY PIGEON PRESSURE COOKER.