stuck

you are asking too much of me

but to say "you are asking too much of me"

to you

and expect you to not take it personally

would be

asking too much of you

so

Relentless

When I think of the countless photographs 
taken over years and years 

what was the purpose

capturing what exactly

and why

as this thought nestles in

it punctures my lungs

painful

how can one hold time

worse than sand

ridiculous

I miss him

but he is right next to me
ready to wake any minute

crying to say
“I need you, I love you, you are my everything”

Now tell me how that’s not addictive as fuck

who loves you

the ones who want to see you

be around you

hear what you have to say to what they have to say to what you have to say

to join the part of you they keep with them

with what is left of you 

and if no one visits,

look inside

care less

I've painted myself into a corner

now I turn around and paint the corner
leaving footprints and indistinguishable marks
all over my life so far

good only

sufficient

If I could split myself in two

into the one who loves me

and the one who is me

who else would I need

not you 

possibly not

I want to fall asleep
in the sun light that settles in my balcony

letting it warm me, even burn me

just a bit

but

stillness is an effort

my mind and my body

so easily overwhelmed, so constantly frustrated

what is it

everything is fucking fine