strange love

I love you I've a drowning grip, on your adoring face

I love you, my responsibility has found a place.

- 'Piazza, New York Catcher' - Belle & Sebastian.

This song has been in my head for weeks now.

--

I feel quite happy sometimes knowing that I love. That I can truly say that I love. I feel happy that I know what the feeling is and I know what the word means and I have a lot of people and non-people to thank for that.

It starts with a huge kick, a giant gi-normous high. Every single time I feel it. Woooosh. shudder. (a nice kind of shudder). Then I feel mildly breathless for a bit. Foof.

ha.

I see a building or house that I love. Woooosh.

I eat some cake I love. Mm. mm. mm.

I buy a bag I love. Giant silly grin and happy.

People.

Now, people is where my problem with love is.

With people, it is a super bonanza high. Hits the peak and then comes the giant plunge downward.

I'm flitting around in the general cloud #9 neighbourhood. I just can't keep it in. I write about it. I smile a lot. I jump around a bit. I feel happy.

Then comes Fear. Unbreakable binding suffocating and irrational fear - almost always follows.

Drowning grip.

Why.

why why why

---

Well, love is damn addictive all the same.

Also, I've been fighting the urge to add a bunch of smiley faces to this post.

:)

oh come on.

make no mistake

you could be too blue, but never too green for me

I could look right into you, but that green I'd never see.

Please take your crayon colours, hide them all away from me

But tell me where, you keep your life, in recorded memories

You could try and share them, we could have popcorn and see

What it is you've lived, when you've lived it without me

Then we'd share my stories, and see where i had been

We'd then settle for making up,

an entire universe with no conspiracy,

where there is simply us,

and there is no you and me.

come closer

hello, you shine when you smile

how perfect

some lines from 'the Rime of the Ancient Mariner'

Her lips were red, her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold:
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was she,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.

- the Rime of the Ancient Mariner

In this poem, the mariner shoots down an Albatross which he believes brought the crew bad luck. Well, it was quite the 'you ain't seen nothing yet' situation. Things pretty much go downhill from when he shoots the poor bird.

All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

The crew then see a ship approach. Onboard is Death, and Nightmare Life-in-Death. She wins the mariner's life. So as the rest of the crew die, he is forced to live on.

Alone, alone, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!
And never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony.

The many men, so beautiful!
And they all dead did lie;
And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on; and so did I.

I looked upon the rotting sea,
And drew my eyes away;
I looked upon the rotting deck,
And there the dead men lay.

Read the poem. It's my favourite. Haunting and beautiful.

post midnight blog rambler

because I have a lot of work, I don't blog very much (also because that's about all I have to say. yes)

for some reason just can't bring myself to come home and head straight to sleep

despite being quite, quite tired.

I've listened to 'uff teri adaa' from karthik calling karthik a minimum of twenty times already.

It's still on.

**

I suck at applying nail polish. All my nails are looking quite ok, except One. Which looks like the nail equivalent of 'The Man Without a Face' (Mel Gibson movie) or the Thing from the Fantastic Four. You get the drift.

**

I bought a cool bum-cooler for my laptop. Its supposed to keep my laptop all cool and comfy. Except, while the laptop used to get hot at the bottom before, it gets hot on the top now.

Screw you Belkin.

what?

ok, well true, you screwed me.

Argh.

**

I've bought "The Princess and the Frog". I'm excited about watching it. But, I think I'd be more excited if I had an air conditioner - then I can get all comfortable, eat some chips and watch some Disney. I'm beginning to think that pretty much everything in life would be better with some smooth air-conditioning action at home.

I'm too lazy to go buy one.

**

If I had an AC, I wouldn't have needed the Belkin laptop bum cooler. Just saying.