Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Hoobastank

Hooba stank, but not as much as the last few months have for me.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

CSJ - Constant Subconscious Jitters

I have CSJ
CSJ I have
I have CSJ and I have it bad

I have CSJ I dont know what to do
If you had CSJ you'd be worried too

t a d a

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I, me

only I can speak to me
for only I speak so softly
only I care to comfort
only I can comfort me
if you come and try to feel
what has caused my mind to bleed
my mind bleeds as I speak to me
only I speak so tenderly.

dont call me

for I dont need you, or you.
and when you call me
it reminds me that I do.

suicidal

can it be said,
to be suicidal is not just when you want to kill yourself
but when you would not mind dying.
no.

are you depressed,
when you disregard death and what he stands for.
absence of life.
for there is absence of life in any case.

is it true,
that you can lose your mind, heart and faith
in a moment. by a person. for a concept. for a lie.

call me crazy, suicidal.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

ant

clover girl, clever girl
so restless, so blue
she might not seem
so special to you

she is to me
small, sweet
young, free
world at her feet

Saturday, November 22, 2008

an open heart is a dangerous thing

like open windows, open hearts let all fly in.
and pain flies in so freely.
you are not blind to the world around,
and in comes flying misery
there are so many people, of so many kinds
and most are so unhappy
you feel their feelings, you read their minds
your heart then starts to bleed

you could close your heart, and close your mind
so you can no longer see
but once you do, please understand
you will also no longer feel

The blind king and his blindfolded wife

Dhritrashtra was the blind king of the Kauravas. His wife Gandhari remained blindfolded, her husband could not see the world, that world she did not wish to see.

Dhritrashtra acted against 'dharma' as understood in the pre kali yuga times. He let his 'evil' son do as he pleased, and remained a blind witness to atrocities committed by him.

He has been punished to serve eternity as a blind man, with a blind wife, in the world as we know it.

I see them every morning, by the side of the ramp on Curry Road station. Begging for alms, blind and begging for alms.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

RED

She was pushed to a corner,
increasingly angered,
so choked she could not speak.

Her feelings surrounded her,
and then she surrendered,
and went on a killing streak.

Watch out she comes, the black one,
the witch, cursing and
slashing her sword, it reeks

of hurt and anger,
of sadness turned madness,
on a terrible killing streak.

She cannot be stopped,
She will not be spurned,
All in her path turn weak.

As she wails and rages,
screams and engages,

in a blood immersed,
unholy and cursed,
unspeakable killing streak.

Moonwise

Moon on a roll
went once around
she came to a girl
a boy had found

She told that young girl
see the world like me
before you decide
who the boy is to be

I once fell in love
with the sea, you see
But it wasn't the sea I loved,
it was the way I saw me
reflected off his shine, his beauty
It was still me I loved, so I had to leave

But he still tries to reach me at night
tries to drown me out in high tide
He causes waves, gets rough, storms just so
my reflection in him, I can see no more

So girl be careful, be very wary
for you and I are alike, its only ourselves we see,
But you hurt those you touch, and cause to believe
that your love is true, selfless and free

porcelain

The porcelain doll,
rosy, red,
skips, falls,
breaks, she bled

Her head struck open,
Her skull, a shell,
the porcelain doll,
was stupid as hell

joy

there was a boy, not a toy
so lost, she found
he was her joy

the boy then did become her toy,
her will her wish her wants
her joy

the boy then found a will to find
himself his soul his mind
his joy

the girl she lost her will to find
she lost her boy, her toy
her joy

the end

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Heartless Girl

She laid her heart at his feet
And hurt when it got trampled on

‘Half wit girl, why did you lay it there’

‘He smiled at me, sang me a song,
From then to me it did not belong
So I laid it there, to win my love
And he walked out, not looking down
I now cannot mend the thing,
I leave it there and move on’

‘Heartless girl, where will you go?’

She replies not, she carries on

end of psychogirl.

starting up a brand new day

I have so much work to do and no will to do it. Any post I write now is going to sound like I've been locked up in a dungeon to be released to the lions. Um. or some such thing. As you might have made out from the last post. Hum.

Now and then I decide to start my life over. I am yet to succeed. Not that my life sucks that I need to, but I suppose a general desire for change has crept in. This coming from a person who detests change. But, well, I turned a new age recently (ahem) and I think its time to turn over a new leaf and maybe finally grow up.

Boring as that sounds. Its time to kiss psychogirl goodbye. Ok maybe a pat on the back will do.

Pat*

tired of talking to Mr. E
tired of telling him how I feel
tired of asking him where to be
tired, more tired than you would believe

tired of thinking of ways to breathe
tired of being tied to the seat
by strings of my heart, by strings of deceit
tired, so tired I'll admit defeat

tired of wondering how he feels
Mr. E, I'm tired you see
tired of worrying of when you will leave
tired, oh tired of you and me.

two souls

.

why talk about two when there are so many

these two are linked in ways so many

these two are doomed by lies so many

in the realm of insanity like so many



These two souls that i speak of

they come from hearts broken and reek of

sadness and blindness and a mix of

love and dreams and hope of



a future, which stopped meaning to be.



.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

dawn.

There are no new days,
and we are, forced to live to see our love die
and we are, forced to cry to save our own lies
and we are, forced to see through worlds of glass

There are no new days, while there is memory.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I would like a drink

pour me something
keep it sweet and cold.
get me high
let me speak
when I tire myself out
carry me home

Introducing: alter ego.

(Found this in my drafts folder. Weird, I don't remember it at all. Someone said its like I have "an intense alter ego". It could also be that I am crazy/ or dont relate to stuff I write. Yes, I can suck the romance out of life. Anyway, here it is.)

Let me into your world,
I know you exist, I know you are real
It is time now I know it, I can feel it
See right through this dream into you

Your world is mine too

Let me into your world,
Is there really no fear there, no demons no lies,
No need to place your life elsewhere,
Where it does not belong, with who

Your world is mine too

I shall cry, a tantrum I shall throw,
You have taken away from me what I cherish most.
How would you feel, do you want my place here.
But how can I be, without you

Your world is mine too

doodle bar.










Saturday, August 02, 2008

wonderful weather, come to shankar's with me?

I
in her world of sleep and sound
lost in her world, of sleep and sound
in her own world, her very own,
just lost, without wanting to be found,
by me.

II
there are books, there is money, plenty
immerse yourself, in your empty,
room.
think twice, is this what you want,
to live without what youve got.
In secrets, in layers, never to be discovered,
by me.

III
And you smile, but not at me
and i know you will be there, just not with me
looks like i need you, but cannot ask
instead ill walk with you, in a dream woven true,
by me.

IV
she says, "wonderful weather.."
out loud, or in her mind, it does not matter.

Friday, July 18, 2008


Fly off a building, land to meet death

Speak harsh words, cause hurt and regret

If thats what it takes, to see

The wonder, it is to be

Free

Go ahead, start your own band

Take a walk, have some juice
Think of all the things, you wanna do
Life lets you, lets you decide
When you cease to live, while still alive
.
There are some rules, if you care
If you don't, well, they're still there
Find a corner, if you seek to hide,
Life lets you, lets you decide

Thursday, June 19, 2008

bucket

Alright Universe, I got it. This time I got it, really.
I understand that you do not intend me to ever have any of my plans executed to perfection.
So, I should, ideally, stop making these plans and go with the flow. Yes, I got it.
You've now made it wonderfully RIN SUPREME clear that I am never going to get anything if I want it that much already. I have finally comprehended that I will never have a say in where life takes me.

Yup.
Youve emptied your big blue bucket of water over my head.
Though drenched, and unhappy about being wet, I really do Get It.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Zero Mile Stone



for those interested, this is what the zero mile stone looks like. Its kept like a dump and smells like a dump. But i wasnt complaining. (much)

Wonderbot

I had the most amazing cheesecake.
I had oranges.
I got to dress up in my new clothes.
I got to go to nagpur and see the zeromilestone. Which marks the center of British India.
I got to swing, on a swing.
I had nice italian salad.
I got to stay in a single room, with attached bathroom for three days.
I spoke to a hoopler. for a long time, and laughed a lot.
I got chacha chaudhary stamps. (free with the books) (some triangular ones also)
I am going home this weekend.

Wonderbot.

हिन्दी मे वार्तालाप

मेरा नाम वीना है। मैं नाल्सर नाम के एक महाविद्यालय मैं पद्थी हूँ।
कम्बक्थ इश्क है जो, सारा जहाँ है वह। येः ही येः । येः ही येः।

अब मैं चलती हूँ।
धन्यवाद।

Saturday, April 05, 2008

me

I go to the terrace whenever i feel unhappy.
I play music (carefully chosen) really loudly, sometimes on repeat, and i walk up and down.
This is when I've hit an all-time low.

I then stand up next to the railings, hold on and look up to the sky.
It is invariably filled with diamonds
The wind invariably goes wild

Thats when I feel special,
Thats who I turn to,
Thats how i get happy again.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Psychogirl - the making of

The thing is,
she cannot forgive and forget.
In fact,
she can Neither forgive Nor forget.

Therein lies why she is miserable, and psycho.
Therein also lies the reason why you should stay the hell away from her.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Jigsaw.

Some people claim that they were born mothers, wives, girlfriends, their life is a map and then there are others who are none of the above. They were born messed in the head and lost from the start. It is probably easier to cope with life as it has made itself out to be in this day and age if you belong to the latter category than the former. There is no scope for order, and there is lesser scope for expectation. The former are invariably filled with expectations, the chances of their lives ending in disappointment and an overflowing sadness is higher. Much higher.



Fall into the world, long for nothing.

(ancient chinese proverb)



I belong to the former category. I belong with order, plans and purpose. They seem to avoid me.

My life is not chaotic, no that would be too strong. My life is just taking its own damn course, and leaving me out.



I have plenty of ideas for cards and gifts and rooms and museums and gardens and posters and cds and love. They fit in my plan, my plan doesn't fit thats all. Call me - ill lend them to you.



Goodnight.

Friday, February 08, 2008

flood

I would, if I could..

Create so much beauty.
draw it, paint it, sculpt it, make it.
do whatever it takes, to ensure
your eyes smile, crinkle and cry

Create such music, hum it sing it
fill your surroundings, your life with it.
do whatever it takes, to ensure
you sigh, for otherwise your heart would burst

Create such flavour, make your head swim
get you guacamole, if guacamole is what you want
do whatever it takes, to ensure
you eat enough to sleep nice

I would fill your head with love, make your troubles
disappear.
do whatever it takes, to ensure
your smile stays warm

I would flood your senses if I could

listen

I place my dreams with you
in the hope that you can keep them alive

with me they get entangled with reason,
and eventually die.

creak.

From far, much too far
he tugs at her heart
working dreams of twisted futures
to merge and rip their worlds apart

They were meant for this, unless
the universe conspires

Then there are games we play,
through slippery nights and dragging days
stopping time at times to think
to think and drive our dreams away

We were meant for this, unless
the universe conspires