Wednesday, February 18, 2009

tontyfaihvetheengs about me.

I love talking about myself and thinking about myself too much to not do this.

Dont call me a slut, its rude.

1. I think about my death everyday, in different ways;
2. I believe I'm going clinically and otherwise mental and yes it scares me very much;
3. I am capable of being so happy that my mind hurts, and not as rarely as you/I'd imagine - I'm also capable of being so sad that I get physically sick;
4. I am jealous of every single person I know, well/barely - only the degree of jealousy differs;
5. I often feel small, ugly and insignificant - That does not stop me from wondering what any boy/girl likes/sees in any girl but me;
6. I am capable of being very shallow or selfish, but I do spare those I love;
7. I cannot sing, but for a long while I thought "chura liya" was the one song I could sing miraculously well;
8. My scooter was named Neo, after Keanu Reeves in matrix, because it was all black (reference to said keanu's clothes and not colour), sexy (he was in the movie) and the One (for me);
9. I have had a super childhood, which is now over - so I can make that statement without jinxing it;
10. I am capable of falling in love completely, overwhelmingly and suffocatingly;
11. I take photos of myself constantly and often don't like what I see - so I delete and replace them with much effort of those in which I do like what I see;
12. I'm a gift whore - you can definitely win me over with the right (or somewhat acceptable) gifts - I also have a hundred things ready in my head as what would be perfect gifts for me;
13. I might actually marry anyone who comes up to me with the perfect ring - aside, I think of my marriage/wedding - positively/negatively - almost thrice a week (if not more);
14. I love kids, I'm not sure I want any anymore;
15. An inconvenient truth is the one scary film I have stopped half way and refused to watch;
16. I'm a hypocrite - and I hold in myself everything that I find despicable in others;
17. I manage to love myself despite point 16;
18. I believe my fear of getting sexually assaulted/harassed has hugely affected the way I choose to live my life; (so, essentially, I often end up wishing I'd been born a boy)
19. I end up missing the most random people and not missing the most likely;
20. I cannot keep in touch with friends - and it seldom bothers me that I cannot - however, it bothers me very much that it seldom bothers me that I cannot;
21. I wish I could cook well (still don't know that I can't) - I play online cooking games very very often; (these are games where you make burgers/hotdogs/fries etc as people order them from you - and then you earn money - check cooking category here)
22. I want a doll house and a typewriter;
23. Often, in tense situations, a thought jumps into my head as to what would be the most inappropriate thing for me to do at that point would be, and then I have to very physically stop myself from doing it;
24. I need to pee or puke everytime I think I need to pee or puke and there is no way for me to do it;
25. Twenty five is simply not enough;
26. I would never actually be able to put up twenty five things about me that people don't already know/haven't already guessed up on my blog or even write them down giving them solid existence in the real world.

Twenty Six, Ha!.

Friday, February 06, 2009

passing

there had been
his pharmacy,
his wife at sixteen, at seventy,
his three daughters and one son a stranger,
their children,
love
hope
deep sadness and insult, with not a word spoken and many a tear shed
humour,

overwhelming fear of death

and then,
the air he breathed eloped with his life