Friday, March 17, 2006

black

first

horrible day. fuck everyone. fuck life. i wish i were home. i want to jump off this building. i want to slap her. what does he think. who the hell. why the fuck. aaarghhh

then

i hate my life. i hate myself. what am i doing here. what is all this worth. pathetic. lost

silence. it starts.

to let yourself down.

ah.

now theres something

mediocrity. mediocre. average

you look inside yourself and find nothing. nothing to show for the years thatve gone by.
you have no idea who you are. what you like.what you want.

if you want anything at all.

living for the sake of living?

Then you stop looking inside because you start seeing things that you really cant handle. not now. not for a while.

you see what actually goes on in your head. ideas thoughts words images that disgust you. everthing you hate about others right inside you. then you close your mind.

open your eyes. there is the real world. you tell yourself to stop sounding like a drama queen. and that nothing is ever that bad.

not you. not life.

pull yourself together. smile

till the next time you look inside..