oh happy day

Even though no shopping got done, today has been a good day.
An incredible feeling of satisfaction with life, myself and apple candy.
The trip from city to Shamirpet has never been this beautiful, window seat in the bus, the temple on the way never looked this serene, the weather was lovely and the smell of rain on earth my constant companion for the trip, the neat army houses with large verandahs and yards, the abandoned white building with the prettiest doorway, everything was beautiful, even at peace.
I have very few days left in this college, and I intend to enjoy my time here my way, which is suddenly brilliantly clear to me.

driftythought

Playing a lot of NFS makes me look at all roads differently - dont drink and drive - also dont play NFS and drive.

Pens always go missing before exam days - so does the penseller sometimes.

My phone battery has suddenly gone suicidal on me - and I love my phone.

My haldirams 'tasty treats' packet has remained opened and lying around for more than a week - its still yummy.

(ok its actually 'tasty nuts')

I think Radha is a lovely name - and Karna - but I don't know if I'd name any kid of mine Karna - what if he has terrible luck? - But he might also be the nicest person ever.

Absolut.
Absolut..

I miss my grandfather

hungry.. today's lunch isn't one of the best.

OH wait! its the cool fried ladysfingers

ok bye

Goa Words

• Danza!
• Jamaai
• Spilt-Lumamba
• Strange-man-photo
• Teeth-banging
  
• Tip-rejecting-bastardfaces
• Rose-buds
  
• drunken-test-driving
• 'CHASCAA'
• Activa
• Fort-graffiti
• Not-so-Rajbhag
• Jumpy-Holdy-Waves
  
• Happiness
  
• Giant-Man-Monkey
  
• Vegetarian-mushroom-burger-from-hell
• Holi-crap
• Savior-tide
  
• 'PEOPLE'
• NYU
• Crabby-patch
• One-man-show
  
• Manchurian
  
• Orange-juice-from-heaven
  
• English-Breakfast
• Farewell-dress
• Turtle-search
• Jaws-self-scare
  
• Cuba
• MTV-pharmacist
  
• Homie, Homes, Homibaba a.k.a. Pubby
• Himesh (R)
• Salty-dog
• White-russian
• Jump-up-and-kiss-me
• Golden-fried-squid
  
• Sheep-people
• Purple-yeti-people
• Llama-purple-people

The trip was lovely and well worth the wait :)

International Humanitarian Law (Irony)

IHL is driving me crazy
its so dry and crappy
I take one look at the book and feel lazy
So I close it and feel quite happy

Oh, IHL
why be the bane of my life
Oh, IHL
why make me feeeelll... like stabbingmyselfrepeatedlywitha knife

return to

shaky steps to the future
sure beat standing at the same spot
will eat and laugh, get fat and happy
and maybe grow a lot

and i sing to make me happy and i sing to keep me sad
and i sing to keep life simple and go a little mad

prefect went mad for a while
perfect ly worthwhile

but now im done and ready to be sane
and try never to sink again

Hakuna Matata

I seldom write on first person basis, I don't trust (me, others) enough to do that. However, I have been having a terribly rough patch for the past four or so months forcing me to feel the urge to write more and more in that manner - hence, the side blog - wonderbot diaries. Noone has access to this one but me. Bit pointless it may seem - I have never been good at keeping diaries, but have always wanted to and I find typing allows for a more comfortable link to my brain than the pen on paper mode.

It has mildy helped.

Depression is a frightening and lonely thing. Noone quite understands it, noone quite knows what to do when they find themselves in the downward spiral it brings forth. You can hope others can help you, but they seldom can - as well-meaning and wonderful as they may be. It is after all your brain mind emotion loss worry fear and deep deep drowning sadness. It suffocates, disconnecting your actions from your mind.

It does not help to hear snap out of it; it's not that bad; time heals all; thats no reason to get this upset!; depression is something far more serious than what youre experiencing sweetie; kill yourself then - to cite a few. However, that does not mean that the above phrases hold no truth or actual solutions. It just does not help to hear it.

The thing about it is that it stems out of something so close to your heart, helping it to better grab hold of the same poor heart. Then you cry sleep shout hurt yourself engage in inane activities stare for hours and comtemplate the worst - its simply a battle youre waging against the damn thing but with each of those actions its hold on your heart gets worse.

Vicious cycle as it were.

Honestly, sometimes thinking about the grander scheme of things and how whether or not anything else in life is, death is a sure thing and won't let you down- sometimes - just sometimes - helps. Allows you to say, well my life will surely surely come to an end someday - so might as well try something else now.

Sometimes, the Universe steps up and the whole world goes out of the way to make you happy. That surely helps.

The trick is to Think even while your heart is being strangled by big-old-depression. And sometimes your mind just comes through for you. Says buddy, I got this and poof* you're happy again.

poof* yes.

[hum, not very scientific I understand - do not wish to offend/upset (further?) any similarly or otherwise depressed people.]

Mr. M

he placed her body on the floor. she was still breathing.
he stripped off all her clothes and the dignity tangled up in them
he sliced her body right through the middle, and peeled her skin off slowly
moved some of the slush around, her flesh and blood could not help her now
she died slowly, and he continued

he grinned. there it was. beating away.
he took it in his bare hands, and gave it a squeeze.

pop*
then he slapped her across her bloody face
got up and left

what Misery did to her, only he could do.

sunshine people and the ugly bean.

there are a lot of very very
annoying people in the world

they all seem very merry
making you just want to hurl

they wake up every morning
singing sweet sunshine songs

you yell some usual warnings
but then start to sing along

halfway through the song you know
you have quite compromised

you have sunk, your lowest low
yet don't feel so surprised.

la lal la la la la la aa
la la la la la
la la la la la la la aa
la la la la la

(sing it in a merry tune) (unless you don't want to)

prepare thy floodgates.

crying is something to be wary of as it involves tears and tears are much like most forms of water.

Water through a small pathway, always erodes and makes way for more of itself to flow through. You allow yourself to cry once, a little. Your tears then start to pave their way, bigger, wider and flow through steadily. Eroding your mind and heart through the years; soon nothing can hold them back.

However, as steadily as it flows you always reach a point where you run out.

make me a fellow, hello.

Parvathi, Shiva's wife - She wanted to take a bath and noone was available to stand guard outside. So she decides to make herself a son of clay and mud to stand guard for her as she bathes.

She makes a boy and brings him to life - directs him to not allow Anyone in.

Surely enough, he takes her very seriously and when Shiva returns home, he finds his path blocked by a little boy. Tries to get by him, and cannot. A number of other Gods etc. are called upon to remove this fellow - and they fail.

Vishnu finally comes along and chops his head off with his chakra.

Parvathi comes out crying and accuses them of killing her son. So Shiva finds an elephant's head to replace the head that has been chopped off.

Hello, Ganesha.

(I was just thinking of how it would be if everyone could mould people to their satisfaction. Chaos would result, most probably.)

re-phrase

"kill me Now"

This line goes off in my brain a wonderful number of times in a day. True, I tend to parrot a particular phrase during certain phases of my life - well the latest is this.

With feeling people, say it with me

God what is that awful outfit that girl has on!
Kill me now

Why is it so fucking hot
Kill me now

My life in college is almost over
Kill me now

I'm fat and getting fatter. Tort based remedies in consumer law. Shortcake biscuits got stale. The damned ipod just fell off my bed. I need to wake up for class. True love could be a scam.

Kill me now.