This year

has not been good.

There were times I was unsure of whether it was just bent on being average, and that fell short of my expectations of it being great, and therefore felt like it was bad.

But no, it's just been bad.

I acknowledge that, but I don't feel heartbroken by it. Yes, it was bad, and now it's over and another year is coming up, and there is hope.

Very happy positive hope.

I spent 6 hours in a shopping mall

It only struck me when I found myself wondering why my feet were protesting so much.  Here's the thought process:

Me: Ow, my feet hurt.

(I don't know why I put in a 'Me'.  My thought process only involves me)

That's not true.

Oh, right.

Me: Ow, my feet hurt.
Me: I wonder why.
Me: Good though, maybe I've exercised unconsciously and lost some weight.
...
Me: Where but, what did I do.
Me: Shit, what time is it!?
Me: OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN HERE 6 HOURS!

You're a moron.

Ey.

I felt terrible when it struck me.  Just repeatedly the thought of 'oh my god, you spent a whole bloody day in a mall, just walking around, eating junk, buying nonsense, and and what. how. how 6 hours. how did this happen. that hot chocolate was good though. no, focus. HOW.'

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed myself, I had a good day. I spent time with a friend, I felt like some stores hadn't yet launched a 'let's make our clothes smaller and make her feel fat' conspiracy. I bought a case, with a bow, for my writing and art pens.

I ate mushrooms filled with cheese and fried with crumbs.
I drank some really refreshing Lemon Ice Tea.  I mean, not often that I walk away thinking 'refreshing' 'equivalent of a Lyril ad'.
I had some amazing hot chocolate, you know the ones with a block of chocolate stuck on a stick which melts gloriously into your hot mug of milk.  HAZELNUT chocolate no less.

Good days are found in the most unexpected places.  Actually, maybe it is not so unexpected, maybe this explains the crowds flocking towards PHOENIX MARKET CITY every weekend, taking selfies against escalators and toilets.

But

Yes ok I took a selfie.

whats up whats up whats up

We really kill that term na, 'whats up'.  I realise, more often than not, the words just slip out of my mouth and all I want to do is some matrixy move to get them back in and swallow.

Why, because I really do not want to know what is up with some people. I need to force myself to say HELLO instead of 'what's up', it is Not a substitute.

Hello doesn't lead to, "don't ask yaar, I have 99 problems and a bitch is one". What's up does. 

---

I have an airconditioner behind my chair at work and I'm forced to sit under its freeze ray directed spitefully at me the entire day because my whole floor depends on this one shit machine with no way of controlling temperature. I HATE YOU AIRCONDITIONER AND STUPID OFFICE.

Ok, if it troubles you so much why don't you just move?

The office or the airconditioner? The former is undiscussable. The latter, well I have a window seat brah. The view isnt much but it is a view and it lets me know what time of the day it is and allows me a space to stare out of while I day dream.  In my Bombay office there was no such window and I'm sure the guy next to me assumed I found him super attractive (given all my day dreaming).

Ok boring next.

---

I sometimes wonder how people fall asleep so trustingly. You switch off while asleep, don't you ever question if you'll wake up again?

Jute

I have an idea, well it's a joke really.

Let me run you through it.

Scene 1:
Lady walks by in a saree.
Other lady comments "oh lovely saree, what is it".
Lady in saree says "Jute".
A crow attacks her.

Scene 2:
A child walks by with a tiffin box and water bottle in a bag.
A lady, presumably his teacher, comments "my Ramu, that's a smart bag, what is it".
Child says "Jute Miss"
A crow attacks him.



We end with,
Jute Bole Kauwa Kaate

*Applause*

Not everyone you meet
has the potential to make, or break you
But there are those who do.

How much are you willing to open your eyes and curtail your brain.

Who'dhavethunk growing up would feel sluggish, would feel anything.

At the end of some days I feel like, man, today was one of those days from which there is no going back. I have crossed a bloody threshold and there is no growing young to make up for this.  Like the day I cleaned my house, through and through. It was done, there was no going back to the me before the clean up.

But there has been only two or three such instances when it feels quick and painless. Otherwise, it feels more like slowly pulling off a broken nail. Can't let it hang there, have to voluntarily and slowly tear it off.

Sometimes I think this bothers me so much that I rush headfirst into something I've labelled and stored in my mindhouse (not a mind palace mind you) as "Grown Up Stuff (Misc.)".  Just to beat the slugginess. Tear the nail off.

Then suddenly I'm in the middle of a conversation about what return gifts should be given to which aunt for my house warming, and I just want to run to my parents, ask them to handle it and sit in front of the TV while they do. 


---


It's 2014 guys.  I haven't blogged in a while.  This year I'm super optimistic about, but most of this year has been me being sick, very sick, sick again and mildly blue.  I'm still super optimistic.  Happy optimistic 2014 to you (and me).


---


I spent a lot of money on acquiring some Harry Potter Lego Sets. I've got mixed feelings about it.  Largely positive though.


---


I have a craving for gold bangles.  Does that happen? Have you seen the price of gold? Sigh.