are we there yet

isn't it time already, for the next big thing?
save me before I cave to the waitingroomsyndrome.

do not lie to me,
everyone out there lives in constant excitement adventure joy

no?

ok, that makes sense.

there is only sense
in all words, someone, somewhere, will find meaning

Layout change time

once again, it is time for a new look (and also a new blog - check my profile).

The bear in the blog title image is my bear, he's 17 years old and has never left my side.

Judge me all you want

I wish you could still find

poetry in me

let there be light. and pink flowers.

this photo makes me happy.

My future house shall have a bougainvillea overdose.
 

Wedding misc.

Sometimes I think we go overboard with the hoo ha at these weddings.  Recently, I attended a wedding which lasted about 10 minutes (also, they'd already gotten married at a temple in the morning and were putting on a show for us later in the day (wha?)). 

So, there were a number of things lined up at the stage.  Pretty, but what are these for?

To fan all the mini-people who attend.

Ok, fair enough, and the lime bonanza?

For an after wedding juice party.

In my wedding, we had our names spelt out in Gems. Cadbury's.  I made them add a heart.
 

You have a problem.
A real serious problem?
With possibly no solution.
No solution, what?

Do not worry.
I will have something to say.
You will want to hear it.
It is not the answer,
but it will help.

Let's have a call.
Does 3.30pm (India time) work for you?
I will circulate dial-in details.
 

-

Hello, there you are mister Bimbi.
Forgot something, or remember nothing at all?
Where do they cash in your cards, wallet your wounds
How do they explain the need to repair you

Three times I called on your phone
Two times you called on mine
If you had a dog you would understand
how you were out of line

Care for some tea, Bimble?
Try not to cry into it
Now let's get to your problem sir
You want to marry a Karthick, not a Pulkit?

goa, humbug.

Returning from a really wonderful holiday with an unshakeable sense of - what is it, restlessness? listlessness (are these words?). Maybe that is what a good holiday is meant to do - shake you up - make you feel different.

I do not feel different in a good way. So, screw you good holiday.

 

fuel

I operate best on love. I respond best to love. If I love someone, all my interactions with that person are magnified. If I write a letter to someone I love, I write carefully and extensively. The only time I paint anything, is when I paint something for someone I love. All my creative endeavours have ultimately been for love. The only time I am excited about doing anything special or making any specific effort is when there is a person I love involved.

As for the rest, I am terrible. I keep no commitments, do not follow up on any promises. I am, at best, an average version of myself.

It seems to me, if I allow myself .. no, if I push myself to love more people - my own life would be a lot more wonderful.

Does not seem like a terrible idea.

If I had a tea shop

I would name one of my teas - "Donchu worry Donchu worry Chai"

Hows that, Swedish House Mafia?

If you know where this is going,
how about you don't tell me
I opt out of knowing
what comes next

Have you seen that movie
the terrible one with Nick
Nicolas Cage
Where he sees a few minutes into the future

how delightfully daft.


Now, separately

Having friends, and knowing you have friends
are not the same thing

how about you shut up,
and let me talk.

If I reach out to you
know that there is a reason
I am not pure, or good or perfect
there is always some reason

but do not assume anything

do you trust me
why, yes Aladdin, I do.

Now, separately

Have you experienced love
Do you know it when it hits you.
Oh come on, if it Hit you,
it has to be love.

or drugs and alcohol.
those hit you as well.

But love,
boarding a train to Disneyland.

thank you for taking me again
now that I'm tall enough
to be allowed on Space Mountain
you must love me

and I wonder, if you could be my friend.

 

don't get me wrong.  I've been staring at this (web)page for a long long time. I intended to write. I really did.

Focus

How about spending all day only listening to music. Green Day, its been a long time since I listened to a lot of Green Day. How about spending a week on painting a something. Cooking a feast, a whole feast to feed who. I could make cupcakes, I have that book of cupcakes.

Focus on work.

Certainty

There is one certainty.

Lets rephrase. There may be many certainties, you may be certain your dog has pooped on your sofa, you may be certain that it is going to rain, you may be certain that your neighbour is a serial killer.. amongst these, there is one certainty - everyones got issues.

The problem is (not the one problem, one of the many problems), that nowadays everyones always looking like theyre doing something wildly exciting with their lives. Not everyone at the same time - but a large number of people you knew and believed to be as normal and day-to-day as you - you see them on instagram, on facebook on top of a bunch of other places and they're telling you, they're sometimes telling the whole world - Hai, I have most exciting life.

There was a time where you just grew up, studied well, got a good job, got married, had babies, focussed on them and your work, life went by. I mean, the certainty still applies - everyone had issues - but one of them wasnt knowing or feeling that there is at least 20 other things you could be doing with your life that would make you happy.

You think it would make you happy - and it might, make you happy.

I'm just saying - you can get carried away by it, throw away all that you have (which is far easier if you dont have much to start off with) and go blindly after that alternate life - or you can just tell yourself - there is one certainty.

There is one certainty, and then go back to focussing on the life you've shaped for yourself and minimising the issues you have.

and to answer your question (ok you didnt ask it, I did), would I trade my life with the Kardashians? No way, they have some massive issues.

How

If you type "how to" on google - the first four results are

how to get pregnant
how to kiss
how to make pizza
how to lose weight.

weird ha.

how to pull a rabbit out of a hat
how to put a rabbit back in a hat
how to change the way I think
how to change the way he feels
how to find the right job
how to get a lot of money
how to keep a lot of money
how to spend a lot of money
how to not care about money
how to feel satisfied
how to make your dreams come true
how to make disney make cartoons like it used to
how to make mani ratnam make movies like he used to
how to keep kamal hasan young forever
how to get suriya to leave his wife for you
how to not get angry
how to not ruin a good thing
how to keep busy
how to find time
how to be happy

:)

 

Another post with some photos

This is inside a shop called Ganesh Emporium in Udaipur. It is by far the most fun tiny little shop I have been to. I could have spent a long long time in there. He had everything from old books to old photos to random magnets and stickers and jewellery and small paintings he'd made himself to chinese artifacts to posters to astrology charts to you-name-it-we-got-it.

We picked up some miscellaneous miscellaneous miscellaenous. This was after a nice lunch on a roof top towering above the old city and before a long walk to a jetty. It was just a really nice day.

A post with a photo

At long last, here is a post with a photograph.

This was taken in old city, Udaipur. Old city. You wonder where most of these firang movies get their idea of India from. Well I don't know about you, I definitely used to wonder. Where it is that the streets are so tiny, the houses so colourful and matchboxy, where cows and motorcycles go rampant  and ride about in an almost-kill-anyone-in-their-way, way, where people sit about in countless tiny temples and chit chat. It's here, in old city, Udaipur.

I fell in love with the place. Granted, in an I don't want to live here forever but I will keep visiting you at every possible opportunity way.


 

Deegraday.

deg·ra·da·tion (dgr-dshn)

n.

1. The act or process of degrading.

2. The state of being degraded; degeneration.

3. A decline to a lower condition, quality, or level.

4. Geology A general lowering of the earth's surface by erosion or weathering.

5. Chemistry Decomposition of a compound by stages, exhibiting well-defined intermediate products.

6. Computer Science The state in which a computer operates when some of its memory or peripherals are not available.

 

deg. ra. da. tion (dee grah day shun)

 

I am in a state of degradation.

of body and mind. I would add soul to this list, but difficult to say about that really.

 

Body, sitting for hours in front of my computer or hunched over countless nonsense papers and figures and words and flow charts and presentations and policies and kaka pee. I can feel myself crumbling, become older by years by the days.

 

Mind, well, you've seen this blog, what do you think.

 

My house condition has also degraded, increasing number of things broken, dirty, dusty and stuff growing on all vegetables in fridge (ugh).

 

HOW TO MAKE THIS RIGHT MAN.

Jeez.

 

I need a break. I need to start doing something about all of this. I'll get back to you on this a month from now. If I'm not worse off degraded by then.