come on in

An integral part of my existence and component of my happiness is wrapped around day dreaming and creating imaginary worlds. I enjoy both immensely. In fact, my friend R and I became quite close over our common love for day dreaming and most of my other friends have been subject to my relationship with my imagination.

This post in the usual style of dark-or-sad that plagues most of my entries should ideally end with me saying, oh but I have lost the will to dream. Thankfully, I have not. Not in the least.

Growing up, and post, I have always had a sufficient number of friends. To talk to, play, gossip and laugh or cry with, as the situation commands. However, my closest friends have always been the imaginary ones (honestly, this could be because I hardly get along well with anyone who is not me). These guys have filled in every gap I have in the past found, and do presently find, in my life. They have been built by my mind to be true, faithful and discerning. They are careful to enter only when I need them terribly, so as to not have me label myself as someone in serious need of psychological help.

The day dreams are different. The imaginary folk never enter my day dreams, helping keep it real. They know well enough that I depend on these day dreams to get me through rocky or steadily boring phases and having them play a role would destroy hope. Hope is a necessary element for my day dreams, to believe they will come true one day. I find it impossible to dream of impossibles. I need basis, I have logic following through pillar to pillar as I carefully, and painstakingly, construct my day dreams.

There is your insight into my mind for the day. I shall end it with very good advice - yes I do say so myself - always have a few imaginary friends and do invest some of your time in day dreams. You must create meaning for your life, it will not present itself to you.

Photo of the (Wednes)day

It was time for a new look. I wish blogger let you do a bit more though. Actually maybe it does, I just don't know how to do a bit more. I have decided to put up some photos randomly taken from here and there on my blog from time to time. I'd like to say I'll make it a wednesday thing, but knowing me that would only ensure that it doesn't ever become a wednesday thing. So let's see.

Here is a photo. Have a great wednesday.

long live.

Mine is a doomed generation

Where words sound hollow and sex rules high

Guilt once stepped in so easily, into our minds,

Now it dare not enter our corrupt lives

We live guilt free, fault free, will free

Our minds, with minds of their own drive

Drive us into numb days and numb nights

We have achieved independence,

Not from fear, but from feelings

masochism

Run fast and hard, leave it all behind

There is more poetry in her hair, than there is in her lies

Run fast and hard, to be a willing sacrifice

You may never smile again,

Leave your laugh behind

You have been delivered your girl

Let her rule your life, mark your end and blow your mind.

the takeover code, in love

In life, in love, we need the takeover code, as much as we do in law.

Why?

You can have creeping acquisitions, but whenever your feelings for someone cross certain thresholds, it is best you make public announcements and where necessary, offers. Else, it might be construed as a hostile takeover attempt by the target who would then proceed to get you, and your foolish heart, into a lot of trouble.

While you suffer with the penalty, the target would get rescued by a white knight.

What can I say?

[apologies to those who have no idea what the takeover code is]

(wasn't quite done)

my dear mango, you are so juicy

so very squeezy

theres no excuse

for you to not be in my hands right now

my sweet mango, whether alphonso

or banganapalli

you are so lovely

so divine

oh sweet mango,

please

please

be mine.

ode to mango

oh sweet mango

where are you

when is the season to see you

to cut you up

into small sunshiney bits

and eat you

oh sweet sweet

mango

dip dip dip

You would like me to make you a paper boat

One that never sinks

One that can withstand the sea, the storm

One that never sinks

I am not here to build that boat

I am not capable, and wont

For all our ships do sink

I will not let you drown

I am here to help you swim

show time

Come watch me I’m your puppet master

and I have a booth on the side for mind games

Come tip in your coin and take a seat

I will not make you wait

Watch me as I take my wooden dolls

In wooden lives and frames

Watch me smile as I pretend they cry

and all the words I fake

They flow out easier

than truth has ever done

Watch me make these puppets dance sir

the gift is god given

The puppets I treat like you would too

But only to me are they

Puppets in the sense of the term

the toys with which you play

They believe they are real boys

and real girls and say

This fucking puppet master he

fucks with our lives all day

All day all night his wish his whim

We dance make merry

He weaves our story

Our time will come

Our time will come

We will make him pay

I was born vindictive, selfish and strong

To control my love, control your life

Not one exception, the world my stage

and all its people in my puppet play

Come watch me I’m your puppet master

sweet.nothings.

If you’re going to treat me this cheap

At least pay me, throw some cash in my face

I might be cheap, but I don’t come cheap

No sir.

No kind, no kindness, just cash

Give me money, and then tear me apart

Be my lover then, I’ll play cheap

Plot my freedom, while you sleep

fly

Q&A

Q:

What do you call a V without chinese food?

A:

A V who wants chinese food.

___

I love chinese food.

unhappy joke

call me a joker, squeeze my red nose.
laugh and point, call me a fool
steal my true love, but don't steal my jokes
they're all that I have, they're what I hold close
to defend myself from, those I love most.
as they laugh
point
and squeeze my red nose

valentine

Here's the valentines day card I made and sent my valentine. Combination of a photo-taking trip to the Gateway of India (Prem Ramchandani Marg) and Picasa.

Bring on the Romance

would you like to change your life around

rally your senses, get them all in line

send them out, send them all out

in search of romance

here are a few places it is usually hidden,

at least, where I have managed to hunt it down

The Old

beautiful old buildings, sometimes the mouldier, dingier, ricketier, creeper-ridden, the better. Sunlight loves beautiful old buildings, how it falls on them is a world different from how it falls on anything else, greets them like an old friend and is reluctant to leave.

_______

old movies, whether you prefer english, hindi, or in my case tamil, there is nothing in this world that can pull at the strings of the heart like an old movie. A time different from ours always brings out wistfulness, which is a strong and large component of romance. In old (tamil) movies, life was always simple, and the problem which drives the main plot of the movie was mostly singular, straightforward, and easily understood. There was this actor called Shivaji Ganeshan. He is one of my all-time favourite actors, and when he died I cried. His acting was always understood by everyone as 'over-acting'.

Yes, he exaggerated. But therein lies the romance. If he cried, he Cried. When he felt love, the pain and happiness was written harsh across his face. When he was dying, oh how he dies. Yet, there was always class. In those movies, there was always class. The emotions were the highlight, and they were exaggerated as highlights should be.

There is romance hidden in these movies, sometimes where you least expect to find it. Watch one, look at their roads, look at their cars, look at the clothes on the people walking by. See how the shops looked, see how an actress (who at this day and age would be cut down for her figure, or lack of one) shines with such beauty, even you would write her poetry. See what she does armed only with her eyes and her smile. How simple it was for her to be perfect. How simple it was for life to be perfect. You long for it, there is your romance. My favourite actress in tamil cinema is Padmini, and she was beautiful in her movies.

As for comedy, there was nagesh. Looks were never on his side, but I don't believe there is another actor, nor any other person, who has made me laugh half as much as he has. He was not just a comedian, he was a wonderful actor, who has made me cry just as much. He died as well recently, and meeting him before he did was high up on my wish-list. He fell sick, just as that meeting looked like a possibility. and I cried.

The music, ah. I lack the ability to describe any of this any further, and I have not done justice so far. But it has to be said.

_____

old photos, of anything, anyone. Have you seen how they were so careful as to how they looked, because a photograph was rare, and it was treated with respect. Years from now, they knew and felt, they'd be remembered as they looked, in these few photographs. Most sit solemn, most sit in studios, well dressed, well arranged and pretty. I do not have very many with me, but there is this one old photo of my grandfather, with my aunt and uncle. I love this photo.

____________

The New

New age photography, new art, new writing. While the old ones hold my interest for wist, the new ones blow my mind with the creativity so evident behind them, how transparent they render the artist's mind. The capacity to create beauty has always existed, but in new art I find identity and boldness of a quality I have not found otherwise. At least, which I have not identified with the way I do now.

_________

Disney. Yes, that is my one stop shop for a quickie romance injection. Not the movies, the animation. It can fill my heart up, make me feel young and standing strong against the incredible rush of hope that invariably floods in, when all ends well, when love creates magic and saves you.

True, life is not exactly how they put it in these movies. But I would never say they were misleading.

__

for me simple is beautiful, simple is romantic

anything simple makes me happy,

but my heart and mind tirelessly lead me away from simple.

while drama is exciting, it sure as hell is not romantic.

time to wake up.

here is a morning that has seen no night

the night is her lover, and they've had a fight

and she fought so hard, and morning is always right

harsh, insistent, ever so bright

the night so elusive, it hardly stays

and that is the morning's only complaint

how can we make this work, she says

whenever I come around, you slink away.

and when my morning, has seen no night

my world turns bleary,

my head turns heavy

my heart is wounded, so easily

my eyes they cry, at touch at sight

all so sensitive, my morning's had a fight.

Advertising might be my calling,

could be what I'm made for after all.

Could have changed the world,

but I might have cut the call.

ha

AM.

I woke up at 6.45 am.

I woke up because someone loved me enough to wake up and wake my flatmate up and make her wake me up at 6.45 am.

I got ready to get to work at 6.45 am.

I am at work at 7.15 am.

Sleep might mean nothing to you,

but it means the world to me.

flake.

Don’t ask me to stop pretending,

Then there would be nothing left of me

Not one emotion, not one smile

you will miss me

Honesty, my friend, is overrated.

a muse.

She returns to her room, drops her bag, falls onto her bed and looks at the fan spinning slowly. Far too slowly, must get up, make it move faster. When its hot, she feels cold.

I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her. And she’s so cold.

Who did these people sing to or sing of in these songs. She placed the song in her mind, and sang inside. Imagined herself the muse of some rockstar. Must be quite a rush.

Closed her eyes

Damned if you won’t, come back to me and Damned if you do, forcing me to see

You aren’t really who, I think you to be Or maybe it is I, who isn’t really me.

Maybe you don’t need a muse. All you need is someone to push and shove your heart a bit. It starts bleeding music. Sometimes cheap, sometimes beautiful.