growing up is to start thinking.
no. not to just start thinking. it is to start thinking too much.
overtime.
excessive.
it is also to forget.
people say its a gradual thing, growing up
it isnt.
it always creeps up on me suddenly.
Suddenly. my friends aren't my type anymore. the guy i like is a juvenile prick. the one who knew everything knows not so much. isnt oh so right.
there are others. better others. replacing the once weres. why? because i started thinking too much. i grow up and leave people behind. abruptly. forgetting why they ever meant anything to me.
leaving in me no hint of regret. remorse. sometimes only relief that they passed by so easily.
growing up is to leave behind.
so when you like the way things are at present. you are afraid of growing up. afraid of turning cold and leaving behind what matters so much to you now.
even worse. afraid that people around you will grow up and leave you behind.
2 comments:
yep...
eggjackly
when you lean back into those years that have gone by and mournfully wish for those days to see you as you once you thought you would always be then the present seems like a burden and future feels like an anchor thats dragging you into the depths of the ocean you dont want to disappear into.
you realise that you let go of your individuality and your identity the day you consciously wanted and tried to be different from the rat pack-and you become more and more one among the rats then and then alone
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