fly

Q&A

Q:

What do you call a V without chinese food?

A:

A V who wants chinese food.

___

I love chinese food.

unhappy joke

call me a joker, squeeze my red nose.
laugh and point, call me a fool
steal my true love, but don't steal my jokes
they're all that I have, they're what I hold close
to defend myself from, those I love most.
as they laugh
point
and squeeze my red nose

valentine

Here's the valentines day card I made and sent my valentine. Combination of a photo-taking trip to the Gateway of India (Prem Ramchandani Marg) and Picasa.

Bring on the Romance

would you like to change your life around

rally your senses, get them all in line

send them out, send them all out

in search of romance

here are a few places it is usually hidden,

at least, where I have managed to hunt it down

The Old

beautiful old buildings, sometimes the mouldier, dingier, ricketier, creeper-ridden, the better. Sunlight loves beautiful old buildings, how it falls on them is a world different from how it falls on anything else, greets them like an old friend and is reluctant to leave.

_______

old movies, whether you prefer english, hindi, or in my case tamil, there is nothing in this world that can pull at the strings of the heart like an old movie. A time different from ours always brings out wistfulness, which is a strong and large component of romance. In old (tamil) movies, life was always simple, and the problem which drives the main plot of the movie was mostly singular, straightforward, and easily understood. There was this actor called Shivaji Ganeshan. He is one of my all-time favourite actors, and when he died I cried. His acting was always understood by everyone as 'over-acting'.

Yes, he exaggerated. But therein lies the romance. If he cried, he Cried. When he felt love, the pain and happiness was written harsh across his face. When he was dying, oh how he dies. Yet, there was always class. In those movies, there was always class. The emotions were the highlight, and they were exaggerated as highlights should be.

There is romance hidden in these movies, sometimes where you least expect to find it. Watch one, look at their roads, look at their cars, look at the clothes on the people walking by. See how the shops looked, see how an actress (who at this day and age would be cut down for her figure, or lack of one) shines with such beauty, even you would write her poetry. See what she does armed only with her eyes and her smile. How simple it was for her to be perfect. How simple it was for life to be perfect. You long for it, there is your romance. My favourite actress in tamil cinema is Padmini, and she was beautiful in her movies.

As for comedy, there was nagesh. Looks were never on his side, but I don't believe there is another actor, nor any other person, who has made me laugh half as much as he has. He was not just a comedian, he was a wonderful actor, who has made me cry just as much. He died as well recently, and meeting him before he did was high up on my wish-list. He fell sick, just as that meeting looked like a possibility. and I cried.

The music, ah. I lack the ability to describe any of this any further, and I have not done justice so far. But it has to be said.

_____

old photos, of anything, anyone. Have you seen how they were so careful as to how they looked, because a photograph was rare, and it was treated with respect. Years from now, they knew and felt, they'd be remembered as they looked, in these few photographs. Most sit solemn, most sit in studios, well dressed, well arranged and pretty. I do not have very many with me, but there is this one old photo of my grandfather, with my aunt and uncle. I love this photo.

____________

The New

New age photography, new art, new writing. While the old ones hold my interest for wist, the new ones blow my mind with the creativity so evident behind them, how transparent they render the artist's mind. The capacity to create beauty has always existed, but in new art I find identity and boldness of a quality I have not found otherwise. At least, which I have not identified with the way I do now.

_________

Disney. Yes, that is my one stop shop for a quickie romance injection. Not the movies, the animation. It can fill my heart up, make me feel young and standing strong against the incredible rush of hope that invariably floods in, when all ends well, when love creates magic and saves you.

True, life is not exactly how they put it in these movies. But I would never say they were misleading.

__

for me simple is beautiful, simple is romantic

anything simple makes me happy,

but my heart and mind tirelessly lead me away from simple.

while drama is exciting, it sure as hell is not romantic.

time to wake up.

here is a morning that has seen no night

the night is her lover, and they've had a fight

and she fought so hard, and morning is always right

harsh, insistent, ever so bright

the night so elusive, it hardly stays

and that is the morning's only complaint

how can we make this work, she says

whenever I come around, you slink away.

and when my morning, has seen no night

my world turns bleary,

my head turns heavy

my heart is wounded, so easily

my eyes they cry, at touch at sight

all so sensitive, my morning's had a fight.

Advertising might be my calling,

could be what I'm made for after all.

Could have changed the world,

but I might have cut the call.

ha

AM.

I woke up at 6.45 am.

I woke up because someone loved me enough to wake up and wake my flatmate up and make her wake me up at 6.45 am.

I got ready to get to work at 6.45 am.

I am at work at 7.15 am.

Sleep might mean nothing to you,

but it means the world to me.

flake.

Don’t ask me to stop pretending,

Then there would be nothing left of me

Not one emotion, not one smile

you will miss me

Honesty, my friend, is overrated.

a muse.

She returns to her room, drops her bag, falls onto her bed and looks at the fan spinning slowly. Far too slowly, must get up, make it move faster. When its hot, she feels cold.

I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her, I’m so hot for her. And she’s so cold.

Who did these people sing to or sing of in these songs. She placed the song in her mind, and sang inside. Imagined herself the muse of some rockstar. Must be quite a rush.

Closed her eyes

Damned if you won’t, come back to me and Damned if you do, forcing me to see

You aren’t really who, I think you to be Or maybe it is I, who isn’t really me.

Maybe you don’t need a muse. All you need is someone to push and shove your heart a bit. It starts bleeding music. Sometimes cheap, sometimes beautiful.

book

How to deal with being Evil.

No no

How to deal with being Evil, for dummies.

That would be a ‘good-buy’ book. Now, to just wait for someone to write it.

sunday, spent

my curtains were being poetic today

light with sunlight

humsafar

tum bhi suffer?

ten minutes of thought explained

-Scared myself silly in my lodge room in Latur last night. Its one of those 'medimix packets, starchy towels, stainy sheets, we're-on-a-pilgrimage, do-not check behind the thick velvet curtains' rooms.

-Exercise might not be my enemy, but fat is now my friend. Even if I bitch about it, I wont actively get rid of it. no.

-Imagined screaming at a partner who in my head was screaming at me. In reality he has no idea who I am. good good.

-I like feeling 'cool' in my head. I think up a lot of situations (day dream) and conjure up great 'show-stopping' actions and words, delivered by me. There's applause sometimes. Long live the spirit of rajnikanth in me.

-I'm not sure if stepping out at 1 in the night in a place like Latur puts a girl in the 'stupid' category or 'brave' category or what. It's sad that it would have to be put in some category. If I said it was to watch pyaar impossible, would your answer change?

-Sometimes I think I might not be able to scream when attacked. Sometimes I think I might scream, just, middle of class or office and then I have to physically shut my mouth to stop myself.

-Caramel custard, when made right and served right, is pretty beautiful.

see.

Thinking straight when your life is going in circles will only make you dizzy.

Eating a lot when your life is going in circles will make you nauseous. You will also become fat.

what?

be mine

don't think twice,

don't think.

just come be mine,

we'll find ourselves a place in this world, whole wide

I'm your rajnikanth, please be my jujube.

it wont be as easy, but come be mine.

split

You're shivering all over, that can't be good. Just calm down.

Easy for you to say.

Have a smoke? Here, take a nice long drag, and let it all out.

I think I might be allergic to cigarettes. I'd throw up.

Well, maybe at first. Overcome that shit, here

No, I think I'm better now. I need some food.

There's some shit lying around in the fridge, been around forever though.

Hmm. I'll take some water.

So, where did you fuck up.

I did NOT.

Ok, ok. ok

so what do we do with this guy

well?

I'm Thinking.

Right.

He made me feel so small, so fucking useless.

Mm.. so he had it coming, got it. got it. Dont worry about it

I'm Not worried. God.

this will be a happy new year, even as it grows old

it isn't called the year of the wonderbot for no reason.

she lived life on the edge,

then life surprised her with death

shove

snicker