strange love

I love you I've a drowning grip, on your adoring face

I love you, my responsibility has found a place.

- 'Piazza, New York Catcher' - Belle & Sebastian.

This song has been in my head for weeks now.

--

I feel quite happy sometimes knowing that I love. That I can truly say that I love. I feel happy that I know what the feeling is and I know what the word means and I have a lot of people and non-people to thank for that.

It starts with a huge kick, a giant gi-normous high. Every single time I feel it. Woooosh. shudder. (a nice kind of shudder). Then I feel mildly breathless for a bit. Foof.

ha.

I see a building or house that I love. Woooosh.

I eat some cake I love. Mm. mm. mm.

I buy a bag I love. Giant silly grin and happy.

People.

Now, people is where my problem with love is.

With people, it is a super bonanza high. Hits the peak and then comes the giant plunge downward.

I'm flitting around in the general cloud #9 neighbourhood. I just can't keep it in. I write about it. I smile a lot. I jump around a bit. I feel happy.

Then comes Fear. Unbreakable binding suffocating and irrational fear - almost always follows.

Drowning grip.

Why.

why why why

---

Well, love is damn addictive all the same.

Also, I've been fighting the urge to add a bunch of smiley faces to this post.

:)

oh come on.