hello miscellaneous animals

cream roll mutton roll chicken roll ham

Does anyone remember / know this hand-clap (?) game?

Ham cheese
Ham butter
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
creamrollmuttonrollchickenroll
Ham.

Which us vegetarians ofcourse converted to:

Yam cheese
Yam butter
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
Sauce potato
chip chip chip
creamrollmuttonrollchickenroll
Yam.

No, I don't know why the last but one line was spared the veg conversion.

----

Speaking of rolls.  I've learnt that I'm somewhat addicted to roleplaying games.
See what I did there.

Ok, the alternative was for me to talk about how
I'm no playah
but I ama role playa
mothafoka

Well, let's not get kinky carried away here. I'm talking about phone apps, video games and computer games. Let's see, on my phone I have:

(a) A farm;
(b) A dinosaur park (Jurassic Park mind you);
(c) A clan;
(d) A modernfashiongirl yo (pointless app where you have boyfriends by flirting with them and buying them gifts and then if you kiss them lots they will buy you gifts - the app lets you know what gifts you can expect from what boys before you 'date' them and once you get the gift you want you break up with them and move on to the next one.  All these gifts along with clothes you buy from...

Ok, this could take a while. Let me get into it though:

A - Girl gets a haircut and a job at some fashion place.  The level at which she works depends on how many points her outfit earns her. Each outfit item is marked (shoes - 5, handbag -7, so on)
B - Girl gets money from job so she can (i) woo men (ii) buy more clothes.
C - Girl gets stuff from guy which also have points.
D - Girl upgrades outfit, ditches guy, moves up the ladder at work, earns more money

AND REPEAT.

Anyhow, continuing
(e) A monster pet shop;
(f) Hot dog bush (where GBush has to make hot dogs and sell it to people and go up to setting up a restaurant somewhere fancy); need I go on?

Then I have LA NOIRE on my xbox which I love.
Then I have SIMS 3.

Now SIMS 3 is a whole different obssession ha.  I justify it saying it's like having a giant moving interactive doll house (which it is). But once I start, I go on for hours and I (actually) forget to BLINK. So my eyes get fucked.

Alright, enough of this for now.

---

I love saying Brah. Not like the underwear, but the stylised BRO. 

What's up Brah.

But my phone always corrects this to Brag.
This correcting thing is a piss off.  Here's a conversation with Husbu today:

Husb: I'm having sambar rice at saravan bhavan.
V: Oh, have a parrot
V: A parrot
V: A parota
V: Geez
V: I love their parrots
V: ARGH
Husb: !

ok bye


 

How about this, I will not judge you on the music you listen to.
If you listen to

Hit me baby one more time

or

2 become 1

or

Stairway to heaven

or

November rain

and believe that is the song that touches you


It's fine. I will not judge you. Music should touch you, any music can touch you.
Fuck anyone who judges you on that.

I watched ROCKSTAR thinking - what the hell -

but then, this song Kun Faya Kun - ah

All hail Gobi M.

Have you heard

me voy a morir de tanto amor

It's a song I shazamed (you better know what that is) from a Mad Men episode of Betty giving birth to Gene (third child of 'oh so' handsome DON DRAPER).

Its nice.




Separately

I love GOBI machurian.
I've tried mushroom and vegetable manchurian, and I'm sorry to say (or am I) that GOBI beats them all half if not full to death.

I would like to say, I shouldnt be allowed online when drunk.
But, F. that. I should be allowed online when drunk.
I say much more  and i embarrass sober me - which is WOO HOO.

Hello Sober Me.
What do you think of this ha?

Well, not very much I'm afraid

You're afraid?
BWAHAHAHAHAH

Well no, not literally

You said you're afraid but.

Ey. Who allowed you access to this blog

Cuticle

cu·ti·cle

noun \ˈkyüt-i-kəl\

 

1: an outer covering layer: as

a: an external envelope (as of an insect) secreted usually by epidermal cells

b: the outermost layer of animal integument composed of epidermis

c: a thin continuous fatty or waxy film on the external surface of many higher plants that consists chiefly of cutin

d: the outermost membranous layer of a hair consisting of overlapping scales of epithelial cells

 

2: dead or horny epidermis

 

 

 

 

What a phenomenal waste of a good word.  It should have been used to define babies or puppies or small rats. I should make my own dictionary.

 

 

when I'm looking at you, you're so beautiful
I feel like my entire being is being crushed like a piece of paper heading for the bin.

your face

Do you know what a good retort is to

let's see

EVERYTHING.


Your face.


Disbeliever, ok here lets try it:


Mr. Bimbi:  This photo looks like it was taken by an amateur.
Coolio: YOUR FACE looks like it was taken by an amateur.

---

Mr. Bimbi: Those jeans are not working for you.
Coolio: Your face is not working for you.

---

More coming soon.
 

did you know

spending the whole weekend reading books
makes you feel less like a worthless piece of poop

I'd forgotten

Youve got a friend like me.

I wrote a 4 page long letter to a friend.
Then I added a handmade sticker and a small VGR Love Coupon (TM).
I also drew some stuff on it.

What are you, 12?

Ey, shut it. I am in no mood for you today.
Where was I, right, I wrote a FOUR page long letter. All handwritten and everything.

Would've never guess when you said 'wrote' two times.

*Ignore*

Man, I can be such a good friend sometimes. I write letters, I get little gifts, I drop work and chat for hours about miscellaneous problems, I'm loyal also.

Wah.

No really, I've stopped talking to / bitched out / thrown horrible looks at / tripped (ok no) people that have bugged my friends. Ironically those 'friends' continue to be palzforevah with the said baddies. Geez.

Chaddi Baddies.

No, baddies. Like bad people.

Mamy Poko Pants

What?
 

hey, you next to me

Does the volume level of music from my earphones amaze you?
Do you think I may well be deaf or heading there?

I want to go dancing.
I didn't say with you.

Would you date someone called Carly?
What if she was really pretty?
What if she made really good sambar?

Eh.

bleargh manifesto

It's another one of those.  You know, those days where everything that's ever bugged you EVER pops up in slow yet sure succession and kills your normalhood.

Glasses fall and break again.

Maid announces proposed absence for next 5 days, today.

Ants have eaten the best of my almonds and most of my dates.

Skin break out alert.

Nice shirt does not fit anymore.

'That annoying girl''s face is all over facebook. What the heckhole is up with that? (Separately, how is it some people have faces which activate PUNCH ME impulses for no apparent (except their face) reason?)

Work, there is Work again, how the..and so much irritating bull crap work where the only answer my brain comes up with after much consideration is I DO NOT GIVE A

Tomorrow is not a holiday.

Life questioning questions alert.  Eh man, why today? Go. When I'm lazing around watching Packed to the Rafters, appear again then.

Gossip Girl ended on TV with the most crapshit ending ever - which I already knew - but today had to be the last day. I don't know if I feel relief in that I dont have to watch that bloof ever again or what.

ARGH. WHAT A USELESS FEELING FEELING.

I want to go home and embroider a onesie and finish my Welcome Back flyer and continue my Dangerous Dacoit comic series.

I want to go home.

Love these songs, love the videos

Passion Pit  -  Carried Away

 

Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks

 

 

 

I'm spinning around, move out of my way, I know youre feeling me cos you like it like this

What was Kylie Minogue on?

Yesterday, on an auto ride back from Orion Mall (tell the auto guy Ohriyown Maal) which was a long ish ride and I was feeling happy because I'd bought a tiny JBL bluetooth speaker and some Zara clothes (after a long time) and (yes shit like that makes me happy) I had this long and fairly involved day dream session.

So, I look out of the auto and I see this plump curly haired dark fellow on one of those cycle cart things transporting a load of rubbish (literally) and I thought, you know like that Freaky Friday movie, what if I just become him and he becomes me? How would I go about life?

Ok, let me explain - I look into his eyes and ZAP he is me and I am him THE END.  Then I thought, no thats a really depressing one but lets think of something better - what if I become Prince William (the ugles) and he becomes me.  Then I caught a glimpse of siddawk on the auto mirror - now  How could I be with him if I was Prince William? Also, what about that Kate and my baby? I couldnt pretend to be attracted to her and what not, I mean, I am still me inside him.

What about my parents also. My family.

So I thought, ok I'll fly down to Bangalore and convince siddawk that it was me trapped is ugles' body. Use some intimatemomentsonlyweknowyo stuff. Then I'd go to Chennai and convince my parents its me - but how do I avoid all the paparazzi? I'll figure. I'll speak to them in Tamil and stuff. Then I'll convince my whole family to move into the palace with me till we figure this out.

Also, what about the real me with Prince William inside? I have to track her down and bring her in as well. But it is likely that she'd be out trying to find a way back into the palace. So I'd tell the guards to let me meet all girls claiming to be me or some such.

I'll also issue some sort of WANTED notice with my face on it.

Would the Queen agree to my family moving in? What about Kate? Well, it is my house / palace as well right. I should be allowed to let whoever I want stay in it.  My family trumps the Beckhams any day.

We  could screen the Royal Divorce on the Royal Channel or whatever crapsmuck.

I was quite troubled by this whole thought though. How to live like that? What a disaster that would be.

Made me feel happier about my life but.

Summer vacation

Makemytrip is asking me why I still havent planned my summer vacation.
What summer vacation man.

----

There's someone out there called Sweeteebye Balloo. I kid you not.

----

A friend gifted me a book made of elephant poo. I smelt it as soon as I found out what it was. Not so surprisingly, it just smelt handmade papery.  I wouldn't have touched a human poo paper book. What makes elephants and cows so special.  The same friend also likes the smell of cow. A lot of people do. I dont think I have an opinion on this.

----

I'll get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans
be your teenage dream
tonight.

- Katy Perry

----

Ok, I have to go back to work
 

No world is good enough

No, its not a new Bond movie. Although..

No

No this was just a line of thought really.  Sometimes I think about having a kid in the world in its current stage and I feel super selfish.  Shit has hit the fan and all, and I want to bring a child into all this? HOW EVIL OF ME. I mean, there may be no water or trees or anything left in 50 years, what will this baby do?

Get to the point.  And to answer your question, it wont be a baby then, itd be a fifty year old somebody and if theres no water or trees, it'd be happily un-alive.

Hey.

Get to the point

Ok.  Well, I felt a little better seeing this Mad Men episode yesterday where this guy was being asked whether he wants children.  He goes, ya well who doesn't etc. Then says, ya but sometimes I think of the world today, the bomb, contracting economy etc., and I wonder.

I went AHA.  This guy, 50 years ago, was wondering the same thing as me!

Its a fictional character. What he said was written by someone TODAY.

Whatevs yo.  The point is, probably, that no world has ever been good enough for anyones baby.  So what I'm feeling can be suitably ignored.  I mean, even Superman's parents didnt think their world was good enough for their baby and sent him here (good one that).

Their world was blowing up..

Maybe that was figurative. ''Oh no, our world is no good, it's all blowing up.'' What they meant was kids were having sex at the age of 12 and they were running out of garbage disposal ideas.

Geez

 

How do I feel today?

Facebook asks me, on a daily basis.  How do you feel today, Veena?

Let me tell you how I feel today.  I feel like the world I knew has come to an end and that this happened a number of years ago, and I have been living in denial.

It isn't a happy situation like the Matrix where a red pill makes you see the truth and a blue pill puts you back in the Matrix. 

I am being forced to wake up and see what has already gone by.  You can talk to me about hope, but not today.  People are shoving candles up a 5 year old girl's vagina, so do not talk to me about that today.  People are murdering people for money, for a car, for refusing to serve them alcohol, for asking for toll money.  People are telling me Bangalore needs to be evacuated by 2023 because all water sources will be so contaminated.  You can fill 'bombing folks' as a favourite pastime.

They found an oil bottle in that child.

We are running out of sanity, air, water, time, but we are not running out of patience.  Patience is easy.  Oh, I am not sitting on my ass doing nothing, I am simply being patient.  Waiting for some hero.

Will I do something? No. I am not that person who gets up and does anything. Even if I were, I wouldnt know what to do or where to start.


Hopeless.

Can I have the blue pill?

Most people are Truman

Well, you've see The Truman Show I assume.
I think, most people are Truman. They are the central characters of their respective life stories.  Everything that happens, happens to them and they are in the center shining burning raging.

Sometimes, I feel like a background figure in my own life.  That I am Truman's gardener or car repairman or girl who sits behind him in an office cubicle or popcorn seller.

Forget Truman, I feel like I'm someone who is paid in Biriyani to sit in a bus looking busy while the Hero sidles up to the Heroine.

I must be Truman.  I have to be Truman. 
Need help.
 

TODAY IS A BAD DAY

If I could paint love, I would
If I could paint sorrow, I would refrain.

- ancient Canadian saying

what? there are ancient Canadians, and they do say. The Chinese don't own this shit yo.

If I could paint well, I would
If I couldn't paint very well, I still would

---

I feel I have been so untrue to myself about myself I don't know anything about anything, including myself. 

So if I honestly know nothing, can I start afresh? Be anybody?
If yes, would I choose to be a kind, patient and softspoken person? No.
What is required is introspection (good word).  Self-introspection (that's understood). 

Just, boil myself down until something resembling what I might actually be emerges.  Then try not to be fake ever again.

Simple yo.

---

There was this girl on a call yesterday - well, the guy sitting behind me was on a call with this girl yesterday - and boss, what a voice.  Never have I hated someone, truly in an I-would-shoot-you-in-the-face-good-youre-on-the-phone-and-i-dont-have-a-gun-in-any-event way, but this girl.

BP rising.

---

I shall go get drunk
I shall go get drunk
I shall go get drunk
to nigh t t
I hope I don't black out
I hope I don't f*** up
but I shall go get drunk
to night.

(sing it in a 'we shall overcome' tune).

 [as I was typing this, someone called to cancel. wtf]

---

Today is a bad day,
I wish you could have a bad day with me,
and then we could go out,
have some drinkses and watch a movie,
and curse this f.all day,
together

 

Material girl or what

How to get rid of expensive taste?  No.  No.  I'm afraid this may be a real issue. 
Maybe I should stop reading fashion / lifestyle / interior design magazines.  It may just help.

Maybe if I stop earning any money, that would help.

Maybe since I do earn money, I don't need all that much help.

How life loves circles.

Wait, I was thinking that thought this weekend, for something.

Well, if life really loves circles, it will come back to you.

Maybe my conscience is Justin Timberlake.

Maybe

 

finders

I was checking out sample matrimonial ads.  I don't know why, don't ask irrelevant questions.

Here's one

Prof Qualified match for Saruparin Brahmin 31/160 Phd Chem Lecturer Eng College-Lko, B'ful girl. Status family. Early Decent marriage.Send BHP.Email xxxxxx@rediffmail.com or write Box no LUC 000000c Times of India, Lucknow-2

 

B'ful girl.

Status family.

Early Decent marriage.

 

What is BHP.

 

 

 

Prof. Qualified Nicelkng Girl, age/ht/wt of no conseq. Early decent marriage. Needs fun frnds in city. Not spcl. frnds. No frandshps. Likeminded indiv to hng out with and drnk old mnk. Send BHP. mail xxxxxx@gmail.com or write Box no LUC 000000c Times of India, Bangalore-1

 

 

ok dont send BHP.

can I level with you?

I sign off more than 30 emails a day with Best Regards.
I don't mean it for most.

--

I have the GK of a pencil box.

--

I have conversations with people and then blog my great lines.

some compliments

you are as cute as a pair of 50rs baby socks.

your hair is so soft and shiny, I want to make a quilt out of it. I would never get out of bed.

I had an amazing dosa yesterday, filled with mysore masala goodness. Made me feel warm inside. I thought of you.

your forehead smells like an omlette sometimes. Its comforting

don't bother reading yo

I am a big red stress balloon
ready to pop

----------

Did I mention how I'd like to design kitchens.  I may have.  It's not just kitchens actually, that's my idea of starting low.  I'd like to design entire houses.  Apply thought, draw out various diagrams and ideas for furniture and placement and lighting and special misc. add ons. 

Well, I have about three coloured notebooks full of ideas.  I could make more, so much more.  Even if you don't pay me.

---------

I dreamt that I was a Disney background character.  Didn't have much of a life.  Had to stand around looking happy or unhappy for the princess.  Not much of a story really.  I got shoved to one side as some sort of villain made his way to her.

He was all in black with a pointy beard.  I assumed.  Oh come on, he just looked like a.  Fine, whatever.  Why did he shove me if he's such a nice guy.

---------

Things are simply not getting done.  It is bothering me very much sir.  Day and night I am like, what is this thing not getting done only.

------

Ok, I'm off to go work on a future shoe rack.





 

I do not have an Iphone (1,2..5)

Man, I met someone the other day who went on about how the Iphone 5 is some bull shit and they would never be caught dead using one and how its against their core morality or some such.

I wish I had a lot of money, like throw away money type lots of money, like buy a house next door to work to use the loo sort of money (nothing wrong with my office loo), like (ok sometimes it isnt the best loo, but I blame the users and not the loo itself or the maintenance staff) buy a roller coaster sort of money, like travel to paris to shop sort of money.

Then I'd buy an Iphone 5 and leave it at this person's door step. Then I'd videotape this person finding it and kissing it.

Maybe I'd pay someone to take the video while I go for a fish spa.

Who am I kidding. I could never put my feet in a pool of hungry fish.
 

GWTF

you know what always sounded super appealing to me?

pink elephants

pink elephants? what?

ey, that was a rhetorical question. Although, pink elephants..hm

The GWTF Rule.

Oh yeah.

Gorrillaz Were Too Funky?
Ghosts Wish They Farted?
Girls just Want To..

Stop.

It stands for Go With The Flow - keep up.

I wish I could just GWTF through life. If you know me, you'd know how lazy I am. You'd then assume it should be super easy for me to GWTF. Wait, but if you knew me you'd also know what a control freak I am.

So.

Anyway, whether you know me or not - I find it incredibly difficult to just GWTF. However, after much effort and what not, I often end up being forced to GWTF and stuff works out fine.

Super even.

I want to be all chilled out and saying "yeah sure why not bro" to everything and everyone. I mean, with some exercise of judgment.

Shady Man: Do you want to get into this van with me?
Me: yeah sure why not bro

never heard from again.

Do you want to get into a van with me?

Hello, who is this?
 

Fisheye Experiment

Some photos from my Fisheye Analog Camera

I've been so distracted.

I close my eyes, I'm on an empty beach and Comptine d'un autre ete from Amelie is playing.

 

this is an offer, you cannot refuse

how about you pay me

to be a fun creative happy person who has super ideas and produces lovely things of no monetary value.

I don't need an answer today

Noon Wines

So

my bank balance has taken a dip.  No, wait, it's gone deep sea diving.  This has resulted in me having to satiate my drinking needs at cheapu joints.

Now

this is where Noon Wines comes in.  Its a tiny pub, no wait, drinking spot - called The Noon Wines and also The Scottish Pub (?).  It's hidden behind a baskin robbins stall.  Walked right past it once (also because I was focussing on the Frankie stall beyond, man I love them frankies) and then got guided back there by some excited fellow (Oh yes ofcourse I know it, you are not from around here? Let me show you.) eh.

Any how

went there last night and had some of their Noon Wines.  They have a house wine (?) which they serve in tiny glasses (for small portions) and small glasses (for large portions).  I can't quite put my finger on what this concoction tastes like. 

Possibly

sweet grape juice hiding something fairly dangerous. (ooh). No really, it is not wine.  It gives you the wursht hangovers, all the while tasting like (innocent) grape juice.  Someone told me today that it has arrack (what) - someone yesterday said its a mix of miscellaneous liquor masked by grape.

Would I go there again?

Of course man.

are we there yet

isn't it time already, for the next big thing?
save me before I cave to the waitingroomsyndrome.

do not lie to me,
everyone out there lives in constant excitement adventure joy

no?

ok, that makes sense.

there is only sense
in all words, someone, somewhere, will find meaning

Layout change time

once again, it is time for a new look (and also a new blog - check my profile).

The bear in the blog title image is my bear, he's 17 years old and has never left my side.

Judge me all you want

I wish you could still find

poetry in me

let there be light. and pink flowers.

this photo makes me happy.

My future house shall have a bougainvillea overdose.
 

Wedding misc.

Sometimes I think we go overboard with the hoo ha at these weddings.  Recently, I attended a wedding which lasted about 10 minutes (also, they'd already gotten married at a temple in the morning and were putting on a show for us later in the day (wha?)). 

So, there were a number of things lined up at the stage.  Pretty, but what are these for?

To fan all the mini-people who attend.

Ok, fair enough, and the lime bonanza?

For an after wedding juice party.

In my wedding, we had our names spelt out in Gems. Cadbury's.  I made them add a heart.
 

You have a problem.
A real serious problem?
With possibly no solution.
No solution, what?

Do not worry.
I will have something to say.
You will want to hear it.
It is not the answer,
but it will help.

Let's have a call.
Does 3.30pm (India time) work for you?
I will circulate dial-in details.
 

-

Hello, there you are mister Bimbi.
Forgot something, or remember nothing at all?
Where do they cash in your cards, wallet your wounds
How do they explain the need to repair you

Three times I called on your phone
Two times you called on mine
If you had a dog you would understand
how you were out of line

Care for some tea, Bimble?
Try not to cry into it
Now let's get to your problem sir
You want to marry a Karthick, not a Pulkit?

goa, humbug.

Returning from a really wonderful holiday with an unshakeable sense of - what is it, restlessness? listlessness (are these words?). Maybe that is what a good holiday is meant to do - shake you up - make you feel different.

I do not feel different in a good way. So, screw you good holiday.

 

fuel

I operate best on love. I respond best to love. If I love someone, all my interactions with that person are magnified. If I write a letter to someone I love, I write carefully and extensively. The only time I paint anything, is when I paint something for someone I love. All my creative endeavours have ultimately been for love. The only time I am excited about doing anything special or making any specific effort is when there is a person I love involved.

As for the rest, I am terrible. I keep no commitments, do not follow up on any promises. I am, at best, an average version of myself.

It seems to me, if I allow myself .. no, if I push myself to love more people - my own life would be a lot more wonderful.

Does not seem like a terrible idea.

If I had a tea shop

I would name one of my teas - "Donchu worry Donchu worry Chai"

Hows that, Swedish House Mafia?

If you know where this is going,
how about you don't tell me
I opt out of knowing
what comes next

Have you seen that movie
the terrible one with Nick
Nicolas Cage
Where he sees a few minutes into the future

how delightfully daft.


Now, separately

Having friends, and knowing you have friends
are not the same thing

how about you shut up,
and let me talk.

If I reach out to you
know that there is a reason
I am not pure, or good or perfect
there is always some reason

but do not assume anything

do you trust me
why, yes Aladdin, I do.

Now, separately

Have you experienced love
Do you know it when it hits you.
Oh come on, if it Hit you,
it has to be love.

or drugs and alcohol.
those hit you as well.

But love,
boarding a train to Disneyland.

thank you for taking me again
now that I'm tall enough
to be allowed on Space Mountain
you must love me

and I wonder, if you could be my friend.

 

don't get me wrong.  I've been staring at this (web)page for a long long time. I intended to write. I really did.

Focus

How about spending all day only listening to music. Green Day, its been a long time since I listened to a lot of Green Day. How about spending a week on painting a something. Cooking a feast, a whole feast to feed who. I could make cupcakes, I have that book of cupcakes.

Focus on work.

Certainty

There is one certainty.

Lets rephrase. There may be many certainties, you may be certain your dog has pooped on your sofa, you may be certain that it is going to rain, you may be certain that your neighbour is a serial killer.. amongst these, there is one certainty - everyones got issues.

The problem is (not the one problem, one of the many problems), that nowadays everyones always looking like theyre doing something wildly exciting with their lives. Not everyone at the same time - but a large number of people you knew and believed to be as normal and day-to-day as you - you see them on instagram, on facebook on top of a bunch of other places and they're telling you, they're sometimes telling the whole world - Hai, I have most exciting life.

There was a time where you just grew up, studied well, got a good job, got married, had babies, focussed on them and your work, life went by. I mean, the certainty still applies - everyone had issues - but one of them wasnt knowing or feeling that there is at least 20 other things you could be doing with your life that would make you happy.

You think it would make you happy - and it might, make you happy.

I'm just saying - you can get carried away by it, throw away all that you have (which is far easier if you dont have much to start off with) and go blindly after that alternate life - or you can just tell yourself - there is one certainty.

There is one certainty, and then go back to focussing on the life you've shaped for yourself and minimising the issues you have.

and to answer your question (ok you didnt ask it, I did), would I trade my life with the Kardashians? No way, they have some massive issues.

How

If you type "how to" on google - the first four results are

how to get pregnant
how to kiss
how to make pizza
how to lose weight.

weird ha.

how to pull a rabbit out of a hat
how to put a rabbit back in a hat
how to change the way I think
how to change the way he feels
how to find the right job
how to get a lot of money
how to keep a lot of money
how to spend a lot of money
how to not care about money
how to feel satisfied
how to make your dreams come true
how to make disney make cartoons like it used to
how to make mani ratnam make movies like he used to
how to keep kamal hasan young forever
how to get suriya to leave his wife for you
how to not get angry
how to not ruin a good thing
how to keep busy
how to find time
how to be happy

:)

 

Another post with some photos

This is inside a shop called Ganesh Emporium in Udaipur. It is by far the most fun tiny little shop I have been to. I could have spent a long long time in there. He had everything from old books to old photos to random magnets and stickers and jewellery and small paintings he'd made himself to chinese artifacts to posters to astrology charts to you-name-it-we-got-it.

We picked up some miscellaneous miscellaneous miscellaenous. This was after a nice lunch on a roof top towering above the old city and before a long walk to a jetty. It was just a really nice day.

A post with a photo

At long last, here is a post with a photograph.

This was taken in old city, Udaipur. Old city. You wonder where most of these firang movies get their idea of India from. Well I don't know about you, I definitely used to wonder. Where it is that the streets are so tiny, the houses so colourful and matchboxy, where cows and motorcycles go rampant  and ride about in an almost-kill-anyone-in-their-way, way, where people sit about in countless tiny temples and chit chat. It's here, in old city, Udaipur.

I fell in love with the place. Granted, in an I don't want to live here forever but I will keep visiting you at every possible opportunity way.


 

Deegraday.

deg·ra·da·tion (dgr-dshn)

n.

1. The act or process of degrading.

2. The state of being degraded; degeneration.

3. A decline to a lower condition, quality, or level.

4. Geology A general lowering of the earth's surface by erosion or weathering.

5. Chemistry Decomposition of a compound by stages, exhibiting well-defined intermediate products.

6. Computer Science The state in which a computer operates when some of its memory or peripherals are not available.

 

deg. ra. da. tion (dee grah day shun)

 

I am in a state of degradation.

of body and mind. I would add soul to this list, but difficult to say about that really.

 

Body, sitting for hours in front of my computer or hunched over countless nonsense papers and figures and words and flow charts and presentations and policies and kaka pee. I can feel myself crumbling, become older by years by the days.

 

Mind, well, you've seen this blog, what do you think.

 

My house condition has also degraded, increasing number of things broken, dirty, dusty and stuff growing on all vegetables in fridge (ugh).

 

HOW TO MAKE THIS RIGHT MAN.

Jeez.

 

I need a break. I need to start doing something about all of this. I'll get back to you on this a month from now. If I'm not worse off degraded by then.

 

 

jungle wisdom.

As I sit working on one pointless piece of advice, agreement, report after another

Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life

Shut up Baloo, what the hell do you know.
Everything costs money, and money does not grow on trees.

He might have a point though,
maybe its time to dial it down
not all the way down to jungle book standards
but down, before all sanity flies out the window

The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you

MOB BABY

It might be sort of cool to have a child who is a mob boss.

You'd be all, Monu don't make me come over there
and Monu, otherwise in the middle of a conversation over a man's life, will stop
come over, and eat rotis off your hand with that MOTHERS LOVE IS BEST look while gun shots
go off in the background.

Its endearing is it not.

Future

Since I can't go out there and do my own thing,
can't bring myself to pursue my true calling (as I believe it to be)
Here's what I'll do

I'll pop one out, have a baby that is.
I'll bring it up
and I'll beat it if it refuses to draw
and be a creative genius.

I'll beat you, you understand.

 

Come out Dr. Hyde,
you know how much I love you.
 

Small talk with someone up there.

So everyone has problems. No really, its true. It is actually Not just you out there battling the worlds woes .

While that should be a comforting thought, it seldom is. You can tell yourself about people who barely have enough food for one meal a day or barely enough clothes to keep them covered, let alone warm - but ultimately

Your problems are your problems and they mean the world to you.

They seem all consuming, snacking away on your happiness and spraying large or small doses of perspective on them does not always make them go away.

I believe in God. Some people believe in someone else up there. Some dont. Well, I do and as a result of that I am always looking upstairs for answers. For someone to give me some sign that everything is going to be ok.

Once someone told me this story about Krishna (yes the one in the Gita, not your neighbour): apparently one of his devotees got through to him one day (either by tapas or by knocking on his door post his time here) and asked him why he doesnt just appear on earth and show everyone he exists - this might give people hope and help them move on. His answer, apparently (no real way of confirming here) was that he does appear but noone believes it could be him because he isnt wearing all of GRT Thangamaligai (famous Chennai gold shop) on him, with eight hands weilding miscellaneous accessories, including ofcourse a chakra.

There is ofcourse this other story (told to me by my school principal in London on my first day there): this man's house is getting flooded and he's repeatedly going God will save me. A bunch of firemen come his way, he refuses their help - people in boats come his way, he says take a hike - some helicopters come to pick him up, he shows them the finger (well some such thing) - then he dies. He goes up to heaven (or wherever) and asks God, 'why didnt you save me boss?' and God says, well I sent a bunch of firemen, boat guys and helicopters... This fellow ofcourse, felt like a fool at that point.

Anyway. The last few days at work have been fuckall and I am at my wits end - I cant really go on about what else has been bugging me. But, this morning, I finally open these set of notes my friend has scanned over to me on a matter I have NO time to work on. These notes have been taken on these lame diary sheets - and while these usually say things like "Wake up early, sleep early, be a beauty" (not quite but you get it), I get:

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their ingenuity.

Remember that not getting what you want, is sometimes the blessing.

Again, difficult to say how this applies to my life right now - but lets say

Problem: What should I have for breakfast?
Answer: You should have fried eggs with whole wheat toast with some ketchup and tobasco sauce on the side.

Thats about how clear that message was.

Thanks for the talk. Let me give this another go then.

Rolling in the Deep

I assume by now pretty much everyone has heard this song. But, have you seen the video?

Please watch it.

It is definitely one of the best music videos I've seen. I can't decide what part of it I like the best - but if  had to choose it would be the porcelain smashing against the wall, joining all those broken pieces lying in heap below - and how about those rows of glasses with water, the dust dancer, the idea to just have her seated in the middle of a room singing her heart out.

I need to find out who made this.

I HAVE BOUGHT A NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA

So, as soon as I get my laptop working or throw it out the window for a new one (which I cannot possibly afford thanks to my NEW SEXY ASS CAMERA) - you will be seeing posts with photographs (ha - it is the future).

Believe it or not.

To begin with, it may mostly be photographs of things in my house / my husband. But, wait, don't lose interest yet - just hold on and decide after the first few posts.

Some questions

Hey man Gotye, you made any other good songs or what?
are you a one-song wonder?
even that song, was it Kimbra who made it super?
Do you ask yourself this stuff Gotye?

Why did so many people watch and enjoy JAG?
Why did a lot of people not like Happy Days?
How many of you think Happy Days is a reference to the Telegu Film?
How many of you are fools?

What does "You make me this, bring me up, bring me down, plays it sweet, makes me move like a freak" really mean Alexandra Stan?
What does "Mr. Saxobeat" mean Alexandra Stan?
What does it matter given that I love that song anyway?

Britney Moment

I may not be all that young
but I am too young to feel this old

This is not a Britney Spears song,
ref: Im not a girl, not yet a woman.

But, while she had a point maybe,

My problem seems to be more,
I'm not a girl, I am a woman, but I simply haven't learnt JACK.
result of which, too much worries me now.

maybe I should ask myself to shut it and say

Who Kheyres

I have found you

You know, how you remember certain people by certain smells
Some wonderful scent takes you right back to that person
Some wonderful scent makes you feel - this is one beautiful beautiful being

and makes you yearn, to smell so wonderfully right.

I have found my favouritest perfume
The one I hope to be remembered by

It's a good feeling.

Nuts

Can I just say, its very hard
to tolerate your nonsense
day in, day out.

Can I just say, just because
you live in my head,
doesn't mean I can't get you out

You may be my mind,
but, mind it.
I would rather let my mind go,
than let my soul rot.

Cooking is a dangerous sport

What do you mean why.

Yesterday, my pressure cooker exploded. I exaggerate not. It exploded. It went to pieces. The top flew one way, the bottom, the handle, the weight. Everything Flew. There was also the sound of an explosion. KA BOOM. To top it all, my induction cooker - due to the said explosion - blew to smithereens. Literally. Its in fifty odd pieces right now.

I had, thankfully, just moved away to cut some vegetables.

I mean. Cooking is not for the faint hearted. Really, just not.

I went into a mini shock. Ran out of the kitchen. Ran back in to turn off the induction stove to prevent some crazy electrical fire thing. Ran back out. Sat there shaking for some time (I am a bit of a wuss).

Man.

Then my husband (ha) came home, looked more worried than me that I felt better, and took me out for a yummy thai dinner.

So, my rice cooker went bust a couple of days back. Now my stove and pressure cooker are gone. But being BRAVE as I am - today I tackle the oven.

PS: DO NOT BUY PIGEON PRESSURE COOKER.

Search Engine

What am I constantly looking for.
Maybe it isn't so much about what I'm looking for, than that I just need to constantly be looking. To constantly search for one damned thing after another.

If you are always lost,
you are always looking.
(ancient chinese proverb)

or was it

If you keep looking,
you will remain lost
(ancient chinese proverb)

Nomadic me. Wait, no, being nomadic means something a little different. Could I say my brain is nomadic? Would that make sense? Difficult to have a conversation with silent readers.


HELLO
HEllo
Hello
hello

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT

oko k ok, I digress.

Everday I disappoint myself, an inch more - than the previous day. I really feel like I need one thing to pull me together and make me half the person I used to be.

I am growing transparent. Do you understand? I can see right through myself. Anyone can see right through me. Yes, that's what growing transparent means.  Shut. Up. The real and solid part of me is being worn thin, wearing out, getting worn out. Translucent, then transparent.

Does growing older automatically result in feeling increasingly lost? Tell me. A huge amount of fun all this is.

That apart, all is good. See you guys in the next post

HELLO
HEL

ok ok. ok.

NEW LOOKZ

Don't worry. I'll probably change it soon.

If you don't like my feet, type in my link - close your eyes - scroll down thrice - open your eyes and avoid them altogether.

Auto Tale

I've already mentioned Bangalore auto drivers in a previous post. Anyone who knows anything knows how atrocious they are.

Now begins the auto tale, from this morning

I caught an auto, outside my house. Rather this guy stopped for me, and asked

"where to?" (in Hindi)
and I replied Lavelley.

However, there was someone else inside. I jumped right in and sat next to this strange girl, who immediately yelled

"SHARED Hai?"
to which he said No.

This girl then kept quiet and turned back to her phone, and at her stop paid him Rs. 10 instead of 20. Understandably, he was upset and she yelled "SHARED Tha" and ran for it while he called her a prostitute (in Hindi) and went on to describe various sexual acts she must be performing (as a prostitute).

That girl called him mad and ran. He tried briefly to run her over. It was all quite amusing.

What a chick.

Anyhow, I felt bad for the guy (slap on forehead). SO when we reached my stop, I told him to take Rs. 10 extra for that girl.

And the fucker cheats me.

[It takes Rs. 40 to my stop, he takes Rs. 60 from me - i ask him, what the hell - he says oh new meter its Rs. 50 for you plus 10 - then I point out that its Rs. 44 by new meter - then he gives me Rs. 5 change and fucks off. Ok you figure our the math - BUT HE CHEATS ME!]

The point is - well nothing - i cant use this one instance to say all auto drivers are .. fuck it .. ALLAUTODRIVERSARECHEATS.

bye.

Plunge

Jump; from such height
which takes your heart to your stomach
then to your brain
then back in its place, wiser.

The feeling of a good jump
a safe plunge
a roller coaster
can bring me back.

make me feel alive.

The same cannot be said for cable cars.

Sigh

Alright, so maybe this has become that blog. Shut it, I don't care.

I love Ryan Gosling.

Why?

Because he is hot and has the most wonderfulmeltsmyheartintoasmallteacupmadeofsunshine smile.

If you haven't watched any of his movies after THE NOTEBOOK (Why Ryan, why?) - then shut it (again). Go watch Crazy Stupid Love, Drive and Ides of March - then we'll talk (ONLY if you're chanting his name in a ILOVEHIMHELPME way - otherwise we wont talk)

Know that it was very difficult writing this post - given that I kept scrolling up to stare at his face.

I will watch every movie you ever make (from now on) Ryan. I will.

Nasty Nasty Nasty

How nasty the world looks
when you're sick and stuck at work.
How slowly time rolls by
making it all, all the more rotten

This will be a pointless little frustrated post
Everyone is too busy to hear me ramble
You have no choice, being my blog
None.

I would like to buy a Tagine
it's more expensive than my new oven - at Le Cereuset
Will someone else buy me that Tagine
Only if you're very rich and if you like me.

Or if you're very very rich, you needn't like me.
Just get me the Tagine.

Can't say I'll make much with it.
Moroccan broth, maybe. Unlikely.

I will not do anything for you in return.
Definitely will not wash your car or feed your pet.
Ok,
Then don't buy it for me.

Alright enough - bye.

Not my words, but I love this song. Listen to it when you can - Gotye and Kimbra.  

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

?

I dont know.

I know what you are doing, you are reading this post.

(kill me for that line)

Good Day

My biggest fear is probably that I might be mental. or heading there. or somehow it will sneak up on me and I will be branded completely crazy. or that I will develop a split personality which will go about tearing up my pillows and killing my cat (I dont have a cat).

My second and somewhat connected fear is that I am inherently evil. That I will turn out like the people I despise - because I am inherently evil and a hypocrite. I feel convinced I dont have a single good bone in my body. Not in a cruella deville way - I wont peel up puppies etc. More, of how little I care about anyone but myself - like a, like a tamil serial mother in law.

My third and unconnected fear is of death, dying. In painful or unpainful ways. Feh, everyone's got that going. right?

However, on good days I feel untouched by any of the above. I feel straight, sensible, good and unafraid.

Today is a good day - let me make the most of it.

Where have I been

In Bangalore, for the most part.

I have moved from Bombay to Bangalore in an attempt to make sense of my life in a manner that isnt extreme or unthoughtout. I know that is not a word, but this is my blog.

As much as I would like to say THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION EVER, it was not the best. But it was a good decision all the same.

I have a nice house (come see it, if you know me)
I have some nice friends (some borrowed, some cultivated)
I have some more time in my hands (enough to make me feel like I dont live to earn money endlessly)

This city has trees, its so green (more so because my sunglasses have a green tint)
It has gardens, and very bright sunshine

The auto drivers are crazy
They have this pent up angerenergy
Takes just the tiniest thing to piss them off
To make them scream, like you've driven a knife through their skull
(is that possible, I feel squeamish imagining it)
Makes you wonder though - how frustrated must they be, with their lives and their autos.
All that time spent in traffic, earning nothing more by the minute.
I daydream of ways in which the autos and rest of humanity can find a way for peaceful co-existence
Make me king, I'll tell you

I have guava juice every morning in office. I would rather be having pineapple juice, but guava is better than litchee and even lytchee litchee?, even that is better than no juice.

Something is missing though.

Maybe a trip to Wonderla will sort that out.

Come here

In our search for soul mates, search for the perfects
I am searching for that one girl
You are searching for the right song
We search for that right street, with the crisp cold zing air
The right country, the perfect home
That elusive job, which doesn't tire us, or destroy our dreams

Maybe we don't search, we just yearn
Helpless or lazy, sitting here yearning
Almost tasting our happiness
Moved to tears by the perfects we see
Just out of our reach

Today

I'm in a good mood
make the most of it
ask me for a free meal
ask me for a movie ticket

don't tell me I don't look good
don't tell me I don't sound right
don't go spoiling my good mood
I'll get damn pissed, and we'd fight

the fight would not end well,
you can count on it.
I'll make you pay for the meal
and the movie ticket.

HOOBASTANK

Life Update

I have been sick for one and half weeks. Make that almost two weeks. I finally feel better today.
My one and half, no, two week sickness - my two week sickness made me super grumpy and on the whole upset about life. Nothing new there. But, it has also made me QUEEN OF ASSASSIN'S CREED.

cough*

We bought an Xbox. with Kinect.

----

I just discovered that Shift+x doesn't work in my laptop. What..why. I don't imagine it's an often used combination on my keyboard. TIME FOR A NEW.. ok no. I'll get it fixed. Ok, someone will get it fixed.

cough*

----

On other breaking news, DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) entered my house on a covert mission - through an unimaginably small opening in the window - and shat all over the place. But, Thank You DumbF'ingPigeons (TM) for not shitting on my TV, or my xbox, or my futon or anything fancy. Thank you.

But, if you ever come back, I'll Kill Ya...Kill ya... kill ya (if you have not watched The Lion King, shoot yourself)

----

I ate some suspicious tasting peanut chikki thing. Apparently one bad peanut can spoil the whole lot. How unfortunate. I also ate some jackfruit chips - I'm not a big fan though. But one bad jackfruit cannot spoil the whole lot. Well, except the lot made from that jackfruit. I like jackfruit ice cream though.

Why has my cook not come today. Why.

----

I was watching the National Geographic channel (only because it is one of the seven HD channels we get - which includes STAR GOLD) and they were showing a piece on IKEA. That's when I realised. I want to work in IKEA. I'm not saying it's my dream job, but lets just say - that would have been a great idea. I could have designed furniture. Furniture bought the world over (barring some). I could've sat there and discussed furniture ideas with other furniture designers in a good climate location in Europe or some place. The work place would have been fancy and comforting and I don't suppose there are ever any FURNITURE DESIGNING EMERGENCIES which require me to work overnight.

I'm just saying, it looked like a happy place.

----

I have never used a sleeping bag in my life. I wouldn't know if they are comfortable or not. I have slept on mattresses laid out on the floor. Is it the same thing?

----

I'm turning 25 soon.

Holiday Jollyday

Today is a holiday
oh I could just sing

but the neighbours may not like that
then again, I put up with their shit

Today is a holiday
oh I could just dance, and shout and be me r r y
what a feeling
a holiday
in the middle of the week

The whole day lies in front of me
I can just eat shop and watch TV

and now I have tata sky HD
which makes me all the more happy

to be here
at home
alone
on a wonderful HOLIDAY

ok I miss you come back

Dignified what.

I wish I had the ability to maintain a dignified silence.
I don't have that ability and I can't fake it.
I would come across so much cooler (or so it seems) in any adverse situation, if I knew how to just stop talking post a point.

Example:

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Cool Me: ----
Irritating Person: EY MAN, I SAID YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE
Cool Me: Blink, -----
Irritating Person: HEY WHAT. useless.
Cool Me: Smirk.

But No.

I'm a screamer. I get angry, worked up and before I can get to framing a complete sentence in my head composing what my feelings are any given moment, its gone out of my mouth.

So it goes

Irritating Person: You are an asshole.
Me: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE AND SO IS YOUR DOG
Irritating Person: (looks wounded) Timmy is not bad ok.
Me: WHATEVER I DON'T CARE. NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

stomp
stomp
stomp

Sometimes, it is Not a bad thing. In fact, I wouldn't say that my behaviour in this respect has ever gotten me into any significant trouble.

But it just seems so much more stress-free to just be calm and maintain a dignified silence.

Never.

The strangest thing

This morning, I woke up at 8 AM,and then again at 8.05, at 8.10 and 8.15..well you get it, it was a marathon snooze with a 5 minute alarm break.I finally got out of bed at 9 AM.

Well, in terms of some background to the rest of this story, my firm has come up with this new rule where everyone needs to be in by 11AM sharp - so sharp it cuts you (cough), what I mean is, you come in at 11.01 and half day gets taken as leave. Ouch. I know it's pretty reasonable to expect associates you pay a lot of money to, to be in by 11. It's just that, none of us are used to it after years of crawling in by 11.30. Did I mention it's a new rule.

Second point to note in terms of background info - I got married this year. So, I'm already 15days up and over my leave entitlement AND I need to apply for leave for Diwali (cough). Yes, it may seem as a bit much - but that apart, you now understand how important it is for me to preserve these little half day cuts. A seemingly simple way to do that - come on time.

Third point to note - you know, background - I have been in one mega bad mood funk. I don't know what the deal is, not for the life of me. All is good in life and yet the smallest things make me want to Scream my head off. Just scream. I haven't done it yet - how. Where does a respectable person go to just scream her lungs out without attracting unnecessary attention.

So, I wake up at 9AM. If I leave home by 9.30AM, no problem. Can be at work by 10.30. well in time. But no. I decide that knowing what happened in the last elimination round on Masterchef Australia is far more important. I reason that even if I leave by 10, I should reach easily by 10.45.

So I watch master chef, see that Shannon is safe in the competition, eat my omelette and leave by 10. I get a cab with this elderly Muslim gentleman and ask him to whisk me away to Nariman point. But, sir, please could you take the Kalachowki route and then chaar rastha. KABOOM.

Mistake no.1. The route is completely jammed.

Mistake no.2. I don't have money to pay the cab driver, which means stopping at the ATM near office, which means 15 minutes more than otherwise.

So, by now my screaming problem has kicked in. I am red in the face from an effort to keep calm. And my poor old driver is having a lot of trouble hearing me. Which isn't helping my situation but God forbid I scream at him, I'd never forgive myself.

I take a few deep breaths, and wait. It's now 10.45 and it will take me 5 minutes at least to reach office. I have Rs. 110. Not enough to cover the cab. I then check my change, another 12 rupees. Still probably not enough to cover the cab. No escaping the ATM visit.

We reach my office building, there is a massive traffic jam between there and the ATM place. I decide to ask my cabbie how much the meter says. He says, just give me what you feel like.

I thought he didn't understand my question. So I ask him again. He says, well you travel here everyday, just give me whatever you usually pay to get here.

I told him his meter reading may be for more, so to just let me know how much. He refused. So I oaid him the 122 rupees as it usually takes me about 120 bucks to get there. He says thank you, and god bless you and drives away.

I get out, get to office by 10.55.

I don't understand what happened.

He isn't from my area and doesn't know I come here everyday.
He did not know that I didn't have money.
He refused to check the meter for God knows what reason - despite me telling him itbmay be showing more than what I generally pay.
If he hadn't done that, I would definitely have been late.

I don't get it, it was the strangest feeling stepping out of that cab. Like someone was asking me to just relax and take it easy, and things would work themselves out

Alright then

Love

I could just drown
eyes closed and smiling
in the sweetness of it all

Unlike bread

Somethings grow stale but they never grow old
They just linger on, visit again, set off reminders in your head of a different time
They annoy you, shame you, make you shudder thinking of how they may have affected your life
But they just don't go away

Some people, some clothes, some songs and some words
Grow so stale, yet they all have their effect on you - never grow old

...

Hello Mr. Large Nose
How did you become an actor

My dad is a politician
and money was a factor

Hello Mr. Stupid Face
Why did you buy that red car

My girlfriend said she would leave me
for the guy who runs the 'Bull Frog' bar

Hello Mr. Think twice
Where did you go last night

I wanted to dance to hip hop
but then I decided to sleep tight

Hello...
You all have dumb names anyway

Decision

How about a signal? I will signal to you
Red means stay
Green means go
Yellow means I'm a coward
and you are a whore

My heart beats green,
but go with red.
I'll listen to that damned Coldplay song instead

yellow. 

urge

This space has been dead and there has been no urge to write. To be fair, my friend Rorschach has already said this. But he has borrowed my words before, and since mine are on long vacation - I shall borrow his.

In my case though, i'm not sure it is entirely honest. The statement. There has been no urge for me to write what is permissible to be written in this space. The qualifier. That dear qualifier completes my sentence. It brings it meaning. Who is to say what will be your qualifier in your life, what will bring your life that completeness and meaning.

and how she rambles after such a long break. can we stop reading now


no wait. I have some more

Tamil movies. They are so shady post  11p.m. Yet here I am in complete drunken state watching them. In a way, its comforting to not have to see size minus ones and zeroes and whatever the fuck else they've come up with nowadays to describe really thin women. Yes, they look great but they have denied themselves a lot to get there and one can only hope it was worth all the food missed.

If it was pure genetics, man. screw them.

I wish I could've been a model. Then again, I was always allergic to cigarette smoke and I do love food. But whenever I pass the giant Zara ad on my way out of Phoenix Mills, I can't help but imagine myself standing there with a gaunt face and hunched up shoulders, pouting. Pouting that perfect pout - you might find the anorexic figure of me repulsive but some girl will look up at me and say - I want that dress.

Just, I want that dress

I do want that dress.

...

Please don't go, I have some more.

Umbrellas

what about them


I'm not sure about whether I like them.

I'm not sure if I like umbrellas. Am I happy they keep me dry. Do they even really keep me dry.

Seems like off late all they do is cause me massive disappointment and make me realise how completely incapable of handling basic responsibility I am.

I have lost (almost) 2 umbrellas in the past one week. One is lost for good - the other, since my friend dropped me home today, she has had the good sense to take the thing home.

Damn you umbrella. Who are you to make me feel this upset. Stupid piece of plastic crap.


....


Do you think you believe in alternate universes. Alternate lives. That with each huge decision you have in front of you which has a THIS WAY or THAT WAY situation attached - you are actually carving your life from then on out to go forth with one decision while the other goes with the other.

Lets say....You quit work, and you stay at work - the decision actually comes before you to be made - do you think, that stomachy feeling you get while making such decisions is actually a side effect to the creation of an alternate universe.

Do you think you and I live happily together in an alternate universe. 

I gave an example of work, let's stick to that shall we? So basically there is a me out there who makes invitation cards or takes photographs for a living and there is a me here who continues as life is. If this phenomenal alternate universe creating ability truth were to be revealed to you - would you feel happier making the dumbass decision of continuing with life as is - or would you leave that to your alternate self.

Does that matter.

....

I broke an entire bottle of pickle this morning. So the pickle is also wasted because it may have bits of glass in it now. It was a pickle which really made me happy. Lime pickle. The other pickle couldve gotten messed - but no, it was this lime pickle.

Maybe the other bottle broke in an alternate universe. snicker*


Fuck you.

Seriously.

Love song

First thing in the morning
I think of you
Today I also thought of spinach soup
Yesterday it was all about hula hoops
But nothing comes right before
A thought of you

First thing as I wake up
It's always you
Along with unfinished dreams of 
Large blue infinity pools
Even the craziest nightmares
Its only you
Running out first thing in the morning
To my rescue

Thank you for saving me from TRex today
Yesterday you got me tickets to Coldplay
Day before the day before, I forget
But you were there nice and early, to make my day

Sticker Heaven

Get me a job in a sticker factory
I would never complain
And I'd give you some for free

Do you know anyone who doesn't like stickers? No really, do you. Tell me who. They may have some serious problems boss. Have a quiet chat, suggest some THERaPy! Ok, ok, calming down now. 

I love stickers. I love even pointless stickers. Yesterday I got a few tshirts we'd ordered delivered to me at work. It came with four tiny free stickers. I was so fucking kicked! Aaa. I used to have a sticker album when I was in London (read - when I was nine). That was mostly because all the girls in my class used to have one and in the break or whatever free class - they'd sit and pour over each others' collections. So my parents not wanting me to feel left out, got me an album and some stickers as well. 

They were really nice stickers - but i got duped into taking torn ones or unsticky ones in exchange for mine. (There's a really long background story to my whole London experience here - but I won't go into that right now. Basically the girls treated me like shit most of the time because I was puny and spoke funny) Anyway, it didn't take me long to figure out what they were doing but continued with my naive act so they'd at least talk to me and I could pretend I had some friends. 

I think I should go get a sticker album now. I have a decent collection still - i can't help but pick up some of these ultra cute stickers I see. Ok yay something do to (which isn't work). 

Yesterday I sat and created some stickers. It was super wonderful. Well I like them. 

Ok bye

Heal

It is beautiful to cry
To release your inside world of pain
Of real sorrow, real sadness
To release what would have otherwise eaten you alive
To feel that incredible burden reduce with each drop
With each trickle
Feel the sharp intake of breath slow, 
Gain an alarming rhythm only to change
Into one which rocks you to sleep

Looks like, looks like
she's been forgotten
the slate is clean and he couldn't care less

wiped right off the face of his earth

Life goes on

It gets boring, it gets weird, it gets complicated

Wrinkles form

Get ironed out

and then, life goes on 

Glory

It's my day
It's my glorious bloody day
and I want to be
the Shining Wow

Do you understand?
I won't always have my day
Neither will you
Now is the time to be
the Shining Wow

Cause the aahs and the oohs
Cause them all to go
Wow

She is shining.
It's her day

Will Power

I lack will power.





No, it's not always a bad thing. I realised this part of the 'I lack will power' series of thought very recently. It's become, 'I lack will power but that may be ok' now. Earlier? Oh earlier it was 'I lack will power bloody argh f. it all'.

Yes, coming back to my great Realisation. I was thinking through my lack of will power and wondering how well I'm going to make it in life love friendship world domination what not. I realised that a lot of stuff I cannot live without now in my life, I would have destroyed for good if my will power not being its lazy self, had been active and about.

I wouldn't be surprised if this post turns out to be one of those - oh she has something to say but this is such a public forum she wont say it she's just wasting our time bloody argh f.it all. It might guys, it just might. I've given you fair and lovely warning now, run along if you like.

No?

I suppose its a lack of will power combined with my ability to try and make dumbass decisions. Like - oh I am so angry I want to break my phone, break it break it break it - nah.  Not the best example I know.

Pfuh. time to give up on this post.

I guess in a very convoluted way - what I've actually realised is the whole 'everythings for the best - dont worry about it' philosophy works for me. Because I lack will power to change my life - and often that has lead to my life working out just super for me.


YOU LACKED THE WILL POWER TO STOP READING SO DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT MY STUPID POST OK.

love*

Pay me for Building Photos or Buy me an Ipad (this summarises the entire post - don't bother reading)

What am I doing now.

I am browsing 'architecture' - 'photography' in Deviant Art. It's a website. No I won't give you the link. Just go Google it. Ok not NOW.

Have I lost you? Hello?

Ok, anyway, trooping on. I am browsing 'architecture' - 'photography' and there are some really nice photos here of really nice (ok don't go look) houses, bridges, roads, buildings, rooms, beds and lights.

I would like you to pay me to take photos of buildings around the world. Are you listening? (Only bother listening if you are very rich and are willing to pay me very lots of money for something I have only shown about  10/100 talent in - and some of that 10 is helped along by pure 'fluke').

Fluke. I wonder if people use that word or if its just used in Chennai. I don't remember the last time anyone used that word. Hm.

Fluke.

Fluke describes quite a bit of my life actually. I don't mind at all. I'm so lazy, Fluking is the best thing that happens to me.

I suppose, fluking is a good thing to happen to anyone.
Fluking - I'm not sure that's a word. But my auto-correct isn't attempting to correct me. So, it is then.

Back to paying me lots of money for photos of buildings.

Actually, try doing that or just buy me an I-pad.

Scream Room

I'm not entirely sure of how normal this might be. Anyhow. I have come up with one way in which life at work - in my office - could be made better.

Idea:

Create a Scream Room

Things Needed:

1. Room.
2. Soundproofing substances
3. Cushioning for the walls
4. Breakable objects such as: a. Big Ugly Vase; b. Large Framed Photograph of X; c. Old Monitor etc.
5. Full Body Suit - to prevent any injury to person wishing to use the Scream Room.
6. Boxing Bag and Gloves
7. Comfy Corner - with tissues, music player (in unbreakable box - in case some people get bored of the vase), juice and cookies. For crying you doofus.
8. Some guy who will set up the Scream Room, replace broken objects and occasionally join you inside for a (uncreepy) dance and jig, and listen to you bitch for 20 minutes and slap you if you request it.

Purpose:

You need me to spell it out? Really? I thought not.

Results:

Hypothetically - Happier Employees.