my foot

 

beautiful

it touches you deep inside. grabs your heart and gives it a little shake.
it suffocates you. tears flow. and yet you are smiling helplessly. inside outside.

you think

the meaning of life. meaning of existence. meaning.
it brings meaning to almost everything. meaning to whatever it touches.

no. it does not always bring happiness. not even satisfaction.

it overwhelms you. a mere undefinable overwhelming feeling. a feeling that fills you.
takes over.

yearn.



you crave more. you feel deeply.
you cry.



so beautiful

you must break away.
before it grabs hold.


move on

tamil

In library working on random project. borrowed headphones.

tam playlist

aah

listening to tamil songs after so long.

couldn't stop myself from smiling like a moron each time a new song began.
just felt so nice.

so home.

each song bringing on a rush of memories. heady

school. random trips to beach playing antakshari. prancing around with cousins as a kid. jokes. teenage daydreams. tears. love of my life kamalhaasan. superhits. gaana

i miss that lifestyle. the tam lifestyle. hehe

i cant seem to speak tamil properly anymore. stutter stammer break off into english some vagueass accent. whats the point of being a chennai ponnu if i dont know chennai tamil.

blah. nonsense. once tam always tam. for better or worse :)
itll be back to normal once i get home.

now

back to petai rap

!?!

Its a nice enough day.

You're thinking about mundane things.

what shitty weather * damn missed the last episode of desperate housewives * i wonder if i should bother watching v for vendetta * whats for dinner tonight *

(i never claimed to be an incredibly interesting person did i?)

then


BAM@*(&"


Its the end of semester!


newenglishprof.projects.articles.deadlinesofallsorts.exams.sleeplessnights



aagh.


sound horn please

more

SHUT UP

shut up.

just shut up. keep quiet. hold your tongue.shut your trap.zip it.

did i ask you

did i beg.plead

did i need to know

did i want to talk about it


NO

Go away.


but dont leave me alone

What say?

please to tell me what you think of these. yus?

automated

tring tring

Hello. This is your friend. How are you? How is life? Whats been up?.
For boyfriend problems press 1. Feeling depressed? press 2. Got some great news? press 3. If its none of the above press 4.

1. Dont worry about it! Its going to be fine. all these things are normal in a relationship. you guys are meant to be together. :)

2. What happened? are you ok? Listen take good care of yourself alright. nothings ever so bad.

3. WOW. congratulations. good for you.

4. So. How are you? How is life? whats been up?

click

I want

* to get decked up and go party
* to eat good mexican food
* some damn cousin of mine to get married
* a trip to goa
* to see new tamil movies as soon as they release and not on cd some years later
* my projects to get done on their own (or someone else to do them for me *hint)

and so on..

growing up

growing up is to start thinking.

no. not to just start thinking. it is to start thinking too much.
overtime.
excessive.

it is also to forget.

people say its a gradual thing, growing up
it isnt.

it always creeps up on me suddenly.
Suddenly. my friends aren't my type anymore. the guy i like is a juvenile prick. the one who knew everything knows not so much. isnt oh so right.

there are others. better others. replacing the once weres. why? because i started thinking too much. i grow up and leave people behind. abruptly. forgetting why they ever meant anything to me.

leaving in me no hint of regret. remorse. sometimes only relief that they passed by so easily.

growing up is to leave behind.
so when you like the way things are at present. you are afraid of growing up. afraid of turning cold and leaving behind what matters so much to you now.

even worse. afraid that people around you will grow up and leave you behind.

Cheesecake

This be an original plain cheesecake

This be a blueberry cheesecake

I think I'm going to cry..

black

first

horrible day. fuck everyone. fuck life. i wish i were home. i want to jump off this building. i want to slap her. what does he think. who the hell. why the fuck. aaarghhh

then

i hate my life. i hate myself. what am i doing here. what is all this worth. pathetic. lost

silence. it starts.

to let yourself down.

ah.

now theres something

mediocrity. mediocre. average

you look inside yourself and find nothing. nothing to show for the years thatve gone by.
you have no idea who you are. what you like.what you want.

if you want anything at all.

living for the sake of living?

Then you stop looking inside because you start seeing things that you really cant handle. not now. not for a while.

you see what actually goes on in your head. ideas thoughts words images that disgust you. everthing you hate about others right inside you. then you close your mind.

open your eyes. there is the real world. you tell yourself to stop sounding like a drama queen. and that nothing is ever that bad.

not you. not life.

pull yourself together. smile

till the next time you look inside..

top o the morning to ya

thought it was one of those mornings when you pop out of bed happy. "im gonna kick this days ass".you decide to get dressed nice. have a healthy breakfast and pay attention in class. come back to room after a heavy lunch . "siesta!". and then read some. eat some. have long walk with boy.

hah.

Man proposes.. pfft

Didnt exactly pop out of bed. but was happy. "smiley". the breakfast.. well it was horrible. but its ok we move on. managed to pay attention in three out of four classes. (pat on the back sweet)

then.

dun dun dun DUNN.

its not that bad really. managed to salvage bits of it. attempted a tolkien quiz without having read any of his books. got 3/36. even managed to have fun for a bit. thanks to some

now.

bored. tired. restless.



jump jump jump jump jump

splash

I have this sudden craving to create. paint draw sketch colour shade smudge cut glue. to take large sheets of thick white paper get something to eat drink some music an empty room. and create.

to imagine. let my mind run wild and come out with something thats pure brilliance.

s i g h.

If only I could drag my lazy ass to general bazaar and buy myself some supplies.

everythings turning gray otherwise.slowly but surely.. same people. same conversations. same clothes. same food. gray.

I want a sudden splash of colour in my life. something brand new. bright beautiful new

cough

ah yes... well..

apparently unless i publish a post.. or post a note.. or .. um.. make a post?.. ok something .. apparently unless i do that i cant see what my blog looks like.. so.. well

*post*