There is the door

When life gets good, its good

When it gets too good to be true, its super

But there is always that nagging feeling

This can’t be right (therefore the too good to be ‘true’ bit hitting its mark).

and

If I’m this happy, I’m about to get that sad.

It is not a joke. It is not a myth. It is true.

Life gets good, then it gets too good to be true, then it all comes crashing down.

This is only to let you have a good grip in reality.

Its an external survival support mechanism.

Nice cold splash.

One tight slap.

A kick – If you’ve watched Inception you would know what this means.

That nice feeling of falling.

You need that, to bring you back to your accepted reality.

Your life is not comfy and perfect.

This is good

This way you know you’re alive and not dreaming.

Thank you for always being that kick, that tight slap, that cold splash. Does not make me love you, but I understand, you are only doing this to keep me alive. Sad, but very alive.

Now, let me show you out

                                                                                     

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

how pretty is my silk sari. I don't have any new photos, because I'm useless.

What is With Everyone?

I know that the next year is still a few months away, but I think it is officially time for me to make a resolution. One which I have made and failed to keep up for a number of years now. Enough, though. It is time. There is a lot of change going on in my life right now, and all for the best. Never a better shot at attempting

"Try and stop being a big bitch to everyone you remotely care about." Because it really takes a lot for them to continue liking you for whoever you are. And you're getting worse by the year, making it harder by the year for them.

and also

"Try and stop getting so affected by the people around you and the stupid (in your opinion) things they do." Because they do not give a shit. You are the only one affected by it. For the worse. It does not help your blood pressure, your temper or your image.

Alright then, today shall be Day 1 of me with my new resolve. Let me see how this goes.

Super. Duper.

My new word "Pfeh" and where to use it.

Hey man Johnny, why like a fool you say "Yes Papa, Yes Papa" to everything man?
Why don't you stop being a Papa's boy ha Johnny?
Live it up man.
Live it up and fight for your rights man.
You ate sugar, so what man, I ask you so what.
You ate sugar and you lied. SO WHAT man.
What is your dad's deal man.
Fuck, Johnny. I'm telling you man.
You are a fool. All that sugar, what can I say man.
You are a damned fool.

Pfeh.

downhill

I had created a bunch of 'somewhat smiley' faces to use as my profile pic on gtalk. What started off as just making one happy looking face, went on to me making a proper series as the need arose. Then I started noticing the trend (not particularly a 'discovery' and you may say, so what? still, since I'm not posting about about anything else anyway). As the day wears on, the smileys always changed and almost always in the same order as below:

Morning.

Middle of the night.

I also made a pirate smiley for a friend. Here. 

lyrics right from the heart

Was listening to the radio this morning and I heard what is soon to be on repeat in my playlist (if only I could find the damned song online). Here are a few lines I remember.

Munni badnaam hui darling tere liye
Zandu balm hui darling tere liye

and it goes on, till the guy joins in to go

tum atom bomb hui darling mere liye.

I cannot wait. Of course I dutifully informed the one friend who loves these songs as much as I do.

sigh.

If I had a brand - Here's a possible tag

how I love picasa 3 by google and good old paintbrush of course.

Sing it like you mean it

Songs repeat often enough in my head, they become completely different.

For instance, once - the entire taxi ride from Nariman Point to Dadar I sang “Ain’t no mountain high enough” to myself.

[Well, when I say ‘myself’ I mean ‘myself and the taxi driver uncle’. I sometimes get into a sing-y mood and then I seldom realise when it’s stopped being humming-in-my-head to singing-so-everyone-can-hear. My singing is nothing to be proud of either. I should actually be referring to it as ‘singing’ within quotes, but well now that I have informed you, there is no real need for that.]

So I was singing ‘Ain’t no mountain’. The first five times it was sung pretty much -what sounded to me like- the right way. Nice and cheery. Love song. However, by the time I reached Dadar it was sung to the tune of a stalker wanting someone dead.

Remember the day

They set me free

I told you, you could count on seeing me

Darling

And from that day on, I made a vow

I’d make sure I got you

Someway. Somehow.

Heh.

Don't run.

Don't scream.

Oh baby cos,

There ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no valley low enough

There ain't no river wide enough

To keep me from getting to you

Babe.

You know it.

Of course, I had by this time also modified my voice to what I felt was more suitable for a killer on the loose. I was so into it that I missed my turning. The taxi guy muttered something about ‘gaane’ as I asked him to turn back. What a ride. That was also the day I got my pink elephant wallet and a red mat. Good day.

Every day I want to fly, stay by my tie.

Every day I go to fly, just guard my tie.

Every morning, I wake up and need to pee

Every morning,

Need to pee.

Can’t get this out of my head.

I'd hold you closer tiny dancer,

But

I may just squish you with my hand.

Don't come closer tiny dancer

Hey, where did you go

Squish*.

doodle - be mine (part of the 'jobless at work' series)

you might want to click on it and make it bigger.

Absolutely none?

There is a handle
There is a door

However, there is

where is your dinner?

sing along now

I've got it right three times,
you've got it right the fourth
do we care to dance
show our glee, to gloat

that


we are right not some but always
we are right and we know well


we know when we are right
we claim high and shout it out


we are fucking right
get out of our lives now


Take care to take care to
take some time to think about
taking

take that, and that
take it, slap that and push it
shove
thats some taking.

then sing


we got that right, we got it all
we got what we wanted right now


we got you, you got me 
she wont come, cos then you wont see


we got that great fucking high
we got style


wrap it up neatly now.

lesson #3

There is a good reason people cannot hear you think. Use it wisely.

Would it work?

courtesy - xkcd 

    This is how I feel, without the science(y) touch
    I'd try it, though it sounds crazy
    to make all my nights with you last much
    much longer, if a bit dizzy

I'm not a big fan

Hey, its change again.

Plain to see. Change.
Hello bright and beautiful. Hello bright.


I can't say I'm entirely satisfied. I don't think I will be till I have more to say in what goes on behind. The background isn't really screaming my name out yet. It isn't going .. never mind. I won't say it.

I watched an incredible movie recently. It was called 'Priceless'. Well to be accurate, it was actually called 'Hors du Prix' - it was French and it was on World Movies and it made my night (quite a late night it was) and it made a lot more after that. It also made me cry. and laugh. Both, would you believe it. It had Audrey Tautou (of the Amelie and Coco before Chanel fame) (well maybe not just these two movies for the 'fame' factor, but these are the only two I've seen) and  Gad Elmaleh (of what fame I don't know).

Do me a favour, watch the movie: if you find a dvd, buy me an extra.

I love it when a movie hits the spot. When it really makes me Feel something. Even better when that something is good warm and gooey.

touch that wood and don't let go

I think its time for me to invest in some property on Cloud #9. and I don't mean the shady pub in Begumpet, Hyderabad. I've been having a bit of a blogger's block thing, so I'm going to let the Beatles say it for me tonight.

Baby's good to me you know,
She's happy as can be you know,
She said so
I'm in love with her and I feel fine

Baby says she's mine you know,
She tells me all the time you know,
She said so
I'm in love with her and I feel fine

I'm so glad that she's my little girl
She's so glad, she's telling all the world

That her baby buys her things you know.
He buys her diamond rings you know,
She said so
She's in love with me and I feel fine, mmm

Gopal Krishna Gokhale says

aside: its a really nice statue.

PS2

Alright, since a lot of people didn't get the joke. Please see here. 

PS3

I was once in a video game,

go on.

ask me about life after death

I want to be Sonam Kapoor

without having to be Anil Kapoor's daughter.

a. I find her beautiful, she has such a nice body. such nice hair.

b. She is constantly on magazine covers (not some shady magazines either) and

most importantly,

c. she gets to wear the nicest clothes. THE NICEST. The nicest bags, shoes.

She is always dressed chic and sexy and fresh. She wears the best brands, her figure made like a mannequin. Everyone wants to dress her up in their name.

Man.

I should stop checking out highheelconfidential.com

some women in Bombay make me feel like a potato. I don't always mind though

midnight whining

Good lord. I am stuck at work. Again

I AM STUCK at work. AGAIN.

Almost every day of my life goes with me being STUCK at WORK. AGAIN

That last 'again' was a bit pointless seeing as the sentence started with 'almost every day'.

I gotta feeling.

woo.

hoo.

that

tonight's gonna be a long night.

that tonight's gonna be a long long night

feeling

blue

hoo

WHY

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

Some photos from Victoria Memorial in Calcutta. and one of a gloomy score board.

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

in honour of the messed up taxi strike from hell

'hello, I love you, will you be my wallpaper'

HEY

you want change?

I'll give you change.

You first give me some curd rice and pickle.

scooby doo movies should be banned. anyone attempting to make one should be slapped

lesson #2

The world is full of class A jerks.

but don't forget that there are the classes B, C, D and on, too.

Note: These classes are formed because we title someone a class A jerk and then a bigger jerk, invariably, turns up. Then the previous one cannot be a non-jerk so (it) is then demoted to the next lower class.

sound of.

your soul has strings and strings have sound

sound turns to music and

you have your song

my soul has strings and strings have sound

sound turns to music and

I have my song

your song and mine

when in tune

make our song

and its beautiful

its all pretty simple

so relax,

I've got this.

The (Needed?) Shot of Perspective

Dear you,

Alright, I am completely freaking out. I must have sent a hundred messages to my friends, each with a screaming sentence of ‘help’, ‘I need to get out of here’, ‘I am losing my mind’ etc. So then I decide I need to take my daily double shot of ‘perspective’ in order to calm down enough to continue working and get through this miserable day.

Then I made the mistake of asking myself the following question – which I think I need to (someday) make a poll and put up in a website (not this one) (one which a number of people will read) and figure out what the popular opinion is.

Here is the poll anyway, in the event my mostly silent readers would like to contemplate in their free time. And do Contemplate, it is an important question and not to be answered lightly.

Question: Is it alright to get through each day on the assurance that ‘my life could be worse’:

Answer:

a. It’s alright you spoilt ****(add as many stars as you find necessary);

b. It’s not alright at all, Dingbat (used lovingly);

c. I don’t know, don't bother me. Go away.

Ok, I’ve taken today’s shot anyway. Need to get back to work. My life could be worse.

Love,

soontobevery Psychogirl

template

Since Blogger has finally decided to allow for some fancy template possibilities (stuff that the basic internet user (me) can figure out easily and use), I will probably be playing around with my blog's look a lot.

Woo.

Bear with me, till I find that one special super.

Thank you

beans

I was re-reading Jack and the Beanstalk, I found myself thinking

What a silly fellow. He sold his cow. For beans. Cos some old man told him they're magical. If I were his mother I'd have though he was a fool. I'd have been terribly upset as well. Poor woman, starving, last hope pinned on the cow being worth some money...

and that's when it hit me. When I was younger, I never once questioned Jack.

I thought his mother was a fool. How could that woman not see that magical beans were totally worth a cow. More than a stupid cow.

It never struck me that the beans might not have been magical. The old man said they were, so of course they were.

Boy. It is very useful to have the ability to believe in magical beans. To trust that there is such a thing. That for your cow, you can get yourself some of them beans. There would be some difficulty, but there is more hope in a happy future there than in selling the old cow, for some money, which would run out, soon.

I know I'd never trade a cow for magical beans. I hate that about myself.

What I'm trying to say is, there are some people, who can bring themselves to leave something steady and solid for a risky shot in true pursuit of happiness. They are able to believe in that shot, believe that it is the right thing to do. That magical things will happen to their lives if they let go of their planned and average existence, if they take that risk. They usually have a yelling mother waiting for them at home as well: in the form of their parents, good friends, spouse .. any person they're responsible for. They still take the leap. They buy the magic beans, plant it and hope for the best.

and here I am. Someone who can Only see the risk; the giant possibility of everything crashing and burning. Someone who can only see some castle in the air, waiting to fall through, sink. No giant, no magic and no happy ending.

Jack and the beanstalk is a super story. I should have learnt more from it while I still could.

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

Fort - Mumbai

vampire loves; robot dreams

These are the names of two graphic novels I just finished reading.

Vampire loves.

by Joann Sfar

Ferdinand, a skinny vampire, and his take on relationships. The various women he's kissed and the few he's loved. He bites his victims with one tooth, for his bite to pass as a mosquito bite. His cat looks different in one chapter though. It was mostly funny, quite a lot of random (a nice sort of random) and well drawn.

Robot dreams.

by Sara Varon

This graphic novel has no dialogue between the characters. Its about a dog and a robot who are close friends, till the robot gets rusted and the dog is forced to leave it behind. It then follows both of them in their separate lives. It was an incredibly touching story. Perfectly executed. Please do read.

Next in line - the Professor's Daughter. Have to buy it first. Maybe I'll become a member of Leaping Windows.

back to work now.

2.18

when can I go home.

when there is so much left to do.

when

when

when

when

when

when should I stop

when do I get out

when

when

when

when

argh. it is 2.18 and a long night yet.

why is it never so long

when i'm happy

when i'm free

when

when

when

when i'm free to sleep

when can I sleep

when

wishing well

super stressed

super tired

supremely pissed off

incredibly touchy

uncontrollable weeping

deep sorrow

worry

anguish

upset

screaming

sulky

sad

unhappy

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

For Photo(s) of the (Mon)day - Sea link below

admit it

Anita

Thought: It struck her one day - no one in the world who knew her for the person she is, loved her very much. They actually despised most of who she was.

Saving grace: She was known for her sudden demonstrations of real affection. She gave everyone she held near her heart, a rare but severe show of true compassion. Rare, yes. But enough for them to fight.

Fight very hard.

Fight against all that she was, on ordinary days, for those special days. They had to fight to love her despite.

Monster maker: Everyone was aware that any real flaw in their character was brought about by her. They were sure that they would never behave the way they did when she drove them crazy, when she made them mad. It was her fault, she made monsters out of them all.

They still held on. They still forgave her, accepted her apologies, her lack of apologies, her smile and the sudden boomerang of happiness she threw their way. But they knew, it wouldn’t be long till they’d had enough.

So the question really was.

Question: Do we tell her now? Or do we wait, for another unpleasant day, to say goodbye.

So: Self-destruction can be brought on through others.

i want goa

lesson #1

It is possible to have the joy sucked out of every imaginable thing. Every. Thing.

So don't get too happy yet. Just wait.

strange love

I love you I've a drowning grip, on your adoring face

I love you, my responsibility has found a place.

- 'Piazza, New York Catcher' - Belle & Sebastian.

This song has been in my head for weeks now.

--

I feel quite happy sometimes knowing that I love. That I can truly say that I love. I feel happy that I know what the feeling is and I know what the word means and I have a lot of people and non-people to thank for that.

It starts with a huge kick, a giant gi-normous high. Every single time I feel it. Woooosh. shudder. (a nice kind of shudder). Then I feel mildly breathless for a bit. Foof.

ha.

I see a building or house that I love. Woooosh.

I eat some cake I love. Mm. mm. mm.

I buy a bag I love. Giant silly grin and happy.

People.

Now, people is where my problem with love is.

With people, it is a super bonanza high. Hits the peak and then comes the giant plunge downward.

I'm flitting around in the general cloud #9 neighbourhood. I just can't keep it in. I write about it. I smile a lot. I jump around a bit. I feel happy.

Then comes Fear. Unbreakable binding suffocating and irrational fear - almost always follows.

Drowning grip.

Why.

why why why

---

Well, love is damn addictive all the same.

Also, I've been fighting the urge to add a bunch of smiley faces to this post.

:)

oh come on.

make no mistake

you could be too blue, but never too green for me

I could look right into you, but that green I'd never see.

Please take your crayon colours, hide them all away from me

But tell me where, you keep your life, in recorded memories

You could try and share them, we could have popcorn and see

What it is you've lived, when you've lived it without me

Then we'd share my stories, and see where i had been

We'd then settle for making up,

an entire universe with no conspiracy,

where there is simply us,

and there is no you and me.

come closer

hello, you shine when you smile

how perfect

some lines from 'the Rime of the Ancient Mariner'

Her lips were red, her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold:
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Nightmare Life-in-Death was she,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.

- the Rime of the Ancient Mariner

In this poem, the mariner shoots down an Albatross which he believes brought the crew bad luck. Well, it was quite the 'you ain't seen nothing yet' situation. Things pretty much go downhill from when he shoots the poor bird.

All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

The crew then see a ship approach. Onboard is Death, and Nightmare Life-in-Death. She wins the mariner's life. So as the rest of the crew die, he is forced to live on.

Alone, alone, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!
And never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony.

The many men, so beautiful!
And they all dead did lie;
And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on; and so did I.

I looked upon the rotting sea,
And drew my eyes away;
I looked upon the rotting deck,
And there the dead men lay.

Read the poem. It's my favourite. Haunting and beautiful.

post midnight blog rambler

because I have a lot of work, I don't blog very much (also because that's about all I have to say. yes)

for some reason just can't bring myself to come home and head straight to sleep

despite being quite, quite tired.

I've listened to 'uff teri adaa' from karthik calling karthik a minimum of twenty times already.

It's still on.

**

I suck at applying nail polish. All my nails are looking quite ok, except One. Which looks like the nail equivalent of 'The Man Without a Face' (Mel Gibson movie) or the Thing from the Fantastic Four. You get the drift.

**

I bought a cool bum-cooler for my laptop. Its supposed to keep my laptop all cool and comfy. Except, while the laptop used to get hot at the bottom before, it gets hot on the top now.

Screw you Belkin.

what?

ok, well true, you screwed me.

Argh.

**

I've bought "The Princess and the Frog". I'm excited about watching it. But, I think I'd be more excited if I had an air conditioner - then I can get all comfortable, eat some chips and watch some Disney. I'm beginning to think that pretty much everything in life would be better with some smooth air-conditioning action at home.

I'm too lazy to go buy one.

**

If I had an AC, I wouldn't have needed the Belkin laptop bum cooler. Just saying.

Are we there yet?

So when do you get off.

Is it when you’re made to cry, or

should you stay till all respect is shredded, torn

and put on fire for good measure.

When will you decide to say enough

Everyone waits,

for someone to say, ‘do not wait for a sign,

from above, below, next door or your dog’

Apparently, it’s no longer simple.
(I’m not sure it ever was)

It’s no longer

Hello, am I happy? No.

Next.

Well I suppose try and get out before your sanity makes that decision

and leaves you behind.

what have you done Madonna

My ipod was on shuffle last night as I was taking a taxi home. This song by Madonna called 'love profusion' started playing. There was a time in college when I'm pretty certain I had this song on repeat for three weeks straight and a few weeks after. I loved this song. It used to be on my phone, my ring tone, on repeat on my laptop, favourite song on my ipod, I used to play it in other people's rooms when I went out of mine.

This wasn't the first, last or only song that's consumed a nice big chunk of my life this way. There have been others.

When those songs play, there's always a sense of nostalgia. I can remember the exact feel of my life as it was then. I feel like I've recorded away a bit of me in these songs. People I loved then, things I was obsessed with, the food I liked to eat a lot, the clothes I wore - it all comes flooding back.

However

Love profusion. The song played once last night. I played it again. Nothing. I played it again.

I couldn't remember a thing. I couldn't imagine why I would have ever liked the song. I couldn't see how I could have let it consume so much of my time. I could not remember the person I was when I used to listen to the damn thing. At all.

The song took the memory of me then and hid it away. Unlike the other nice songs which give me my memory back each time I play them.

What a bitch.

daily rhyme and reason

Sweet bun maska

I won’t dip you in tea

I’ll just eat you up

All buttery

***

Oh memorandum, how many times

Will I have to revise you?

Oh dear client, I’m wasting my time

trying so hard to advise you

Why won’t you just google it

Why won’t you just see

Your questions lack common sense

They don’t qualify as legal queries

Yes, but still ..

Oh alright,

I Know how much you pay me.

(fool)

***

Why colourful post its

Do i love you so

You come in all colours and sizes

Some funky shapes too

Even if a page is of no consequence

I stick on one of you

But sometimes, I’ll admit dear post its

I worry that I misuse you

***

I have a friend who’s disappeared

Off the face of my world

I miss that friend sometimes but then

what to do, my ego is hurt

and I’ve known my ego for longer.

***

How exciting it is to possess

A sexy brand new dress

That i haven’t worn yet

That no one has seen yet

How very super exciting

***

Impatience is no virtue

Alright, I lack the ability to wait for anything I know I want. Biding is not my thing. I cannot bide. Kick stupid biding in the ass. Biding is overrated.

I want now. I want everything I want, now. I know this about myself, and yet, sometimes (quite idiotically) I try and convince myself to not think of what I want or to think I don’t want something I do want.

Well (surprise!) I end up wanting it more. If I wasn’t sure before, my dumbass idea of persuading myself against it backfires repeatedly, to ensure that I think (no, I Know) that I Need whatever it was I only Wanted before.

So I don’t like biding. I don’t like abiding much either. But that’s a different story. Not to say I’m some cool reckless - live it up - girl. I do bide and abide, a lot. But only after some terrific moments of anger frustration almost not biding or abiding some arguments with myself and mental (who am I kidding) ok physical restraint(s).

Alright, so I am clearly an affected party of this allergy I have to biding. But there are those who are affected more. These are the people from whom I ‘expect’. Man.

I ‘expect’ a lot, from a few people. I ‘expect’ quite thoroughly and (I convince myself) quite reasonably. I understand my mind can’t be read. But I assume, given that I’m very vocal about what I want, the expectees would buck-up a bit. Clearly, these expectees almost always have better things to do in life than to ensure that I have whatever I want.

I get angry, throw tantrums and then finally settle for biding.

I hate stupid biding.

Photo(s) of the (Wednes)day

camera-shy meter

was working fine.

but after one blurry shot

bleek

Take your marie biscuit life,

take your plain jane designs

For your future and your wife,

for your planned and sexy life

and throw it out the window.

If it is that much simple now,

sir, it will get too much complicated.

Murthy's law.